Recently retired from the California Department of Education, Andrew Laufer is writing a book about his life including periods as a butcher's helper, food service worker, construction laborer, animal research assistant, seasonal fire fighter, and janitor. In his youth, he hitch-hiked up and down the coast and out to Colorado numerous times providing context for hundreds of short stories.
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Psych Unit:
No Filters. Age 21
Psych Unit:
No Filters. Age 21
I have quite a few interesting stories based on the work I’ve done in the Psychology (Psych) Units in hospitals. Although insanity is no joke, some stories of crazy things insane people do are humorous.
For a while, I was a phlebotomist (blood drawer) in a university hospital. One of my patients was a young attractive woman strapped in a chair in the hallway. I introduced myself, verified her name and told her why I was there. She looked up at me with pleading eyes and said, “Please do something to me.” I said, I am. I’m going to take your blood.
Poor girl looked so very sad as she sighed heavily. Later that day, I noticed she had been freed from her chair. While I was finishing up on a patient she walked into the room, stood just inside the door, paused, then unlaced her hospital gown and dropped it. She stood there, completely nude, staring at me. Gulp. “Yikes”, I’m thinking, “I have to get out of here quick!” As I hurried passed her and out the door, averting my eyes, I heard her give another exasperated sigh. Whew! I made it out.
A different woman, in isolation and strapped to a bed, was lying flat on top of the covers wearing only pajama bottoms. I have no idea what happened to her top. I introduced myself and let her know why I was there. She looked up at me and said, “You want to feel my tit?” I thought, “I just want to get out of here.” Then said, “Not right now, I’m working.” She looked at me and said, “Oh, okay.” Just like it was a normal conversation.
Another time, a guy strapped down in a chair commanded, “God, untie these straps.” He said it a few times in a loud, firm tone. When I walked in front of him, I wasn’t sure what he was going to do and was surprised when he looked up and tenderly said, “I love you! I love you!” I said, “I love you too buddy.” Then kept on going.
Another guy tried to punch me in the nose when I bent over his arm to check for veins. His attempt was half-hearted because it wasn’t difficult to move out of the way. Who knows what his motivations were? He was probably unsure about that himself.
These experiences, and many others in psych units at various hospitals have given me a lot of insight into the secret thoughts people may be having. As I walk through the streets, I wonder how many of them want to tell me they love me, want to take their clothes off for me, or want to punch me in the nose. Consequently, I’m never really surprised by aberrant behavior.
Thank God for the filters healthy people employ to keep themselves in check.
~ Andy Laufer
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