Of the identities that I hold right now, the one that is the most important to me is my goofy, humorous version of myself that I typically display around my friends because as a result of getting to know about their personalities, likes, and dislikes over the pandemic, I feel the most comfortable doing that in front of them. In contrast to my goofy side, I also take up a serious version around my parents and an understanding side when someone comes to me for advice or help. I can use certain identities in tandem with each other: I can use my goofy side in tandem with my understanding side in order to cheer someone up when they have just bombed a test or my understanding side with my serious side if I want to listen and give advice to someone who was having trouble keeping up a relationship with their friend. However, my goofy and serious sides, as they are opposites, end up clashing with each other, and I am unable to take up both at once.
My most valued relationships are with my mother and my sister. After 17 years of her taking care of me, it is no wonder that I would have forged a strong bond with my mother. Unfortunately, she was often cooking, cleaning, or sewing when I was growing up, so whenever I needed help with my homework or just wanted someone to hang out with, I would always go to my sister because I knew she could usually provide a solution. Even now, I think I would go to her first for advice. Since I had been in the same house as her for 15 years until she went to college, she has a deep understanding of how I act and what I like and dislike, and since I cannot speak a lot of words in Cantonese - which is the language my mother speaks - I feel it is easier to talk to her in English.
For now, I hope I will be able to find out what kind of career I want to do for the rest of, if not most of the rest of, my life. This is difficult given how indecisive I am. For example, even though I feel like leaning towards working in the medical field, I am afraid of working hard to achieve that only for years of work - and dollars in college tuition - to go down the drain because I stopped wanting to pursue it. While I can not predict the future, if I have any other worries I would be comfortable discussing them with my parents, my sister, or some adults at my church because they have experienced more in their lives and would be able to give me some insight. I could also reach out to some of the wise teachers I have met over the years at Staten Island Tech and ask them for advice.
I think another major factor to what makes me so indecisive is that I get bored very easily. Years back, I remember stepping out of my church's morning service and, instead of standing and listening to worship songs, go to one of the separate buildings that belong to my church to steal and drink Capri Sun juice packets. Back then, I would do this every Sunday until the refrigerator stopped being stocked with juice packets because I could not stand and listen to what felt like the same songs every week. I want this story to highlight not the fact that I used to be a thief or that I did not enjoy listening to worship songs, but that I always want to be in an environment that stimulates me. While I understand that careers and classes are not meant to be "stimulating", I look forward to discovering what comes the closest to doing that for me.