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I was asleep for a long time. Perhaps I was still asleep. Perhaps I had never been awake before. Even if I was not awake, something was different.
I heard murmuring, as if I was listening through a wall. Maybe that was why I was in complete darkness, but my gut told me I was wrong. I set aside that question for later, and instead listened closely to the tense conversation. I found I could make out a male and a female voice. The female voice was much clearer to me, although I wasn’t sure why.
“You know I’m not a warrior, Shiva,” the female voice said. “It’s not my nature.”
“Parvati, we have no choice. No man can face him,” the deep voice replied.
“Just because I am not a man doesn’t mean I can face him either,” she said tersely. “I am no match for Daruka.”
“Perhaps not as you are…” he trailed off. I had to strain to hear him as he continued. “You said you are not a warrior by nature, but what if we could change your nature?”
Something inside me jumped. Something that had not stirred in millennia.
“I’m not sure I understand what you mean, dear,” Parvati said.
“Do you remember the poison that emerged from the ocean when this world was created? The poison that could’ve consumed the world?” he asked.
“Of course, but you swallowed it all to protect us. There’s none left.”
“That’s not entirely true,” he said, sounding more confident now.
There was a long silence. I couldn’t tell if the voices were still talking and had moved out of range, or if they had simply gone quiet. I was startled when I heard the woman’s voice again.
“I understand. Of course, let’s try it.”
Suddenly, my world started shaking. Literally. I was thrashed around, still in darkness, squeezed and pulled in every which way.
Then the shaking stopped.
Maybe, just maybe, I could go back to sleep again.
But then the pain started.
It felt like acid was eating away at my very being. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think. I knew I had to get out. I didn’t know where to go, so I started climbing. As I moved, the pain thankfully receded. I kept moving, and as the pain slid away, I felt… new. Different. Large. Powerful.
Then, I was awake.
“Hello,” the male voice said, much louder than when I’d last heard him. “You’re bluer than I expected.”
I looked at his blue skin, and at mine, confused. Was this not normal? I shook the thought away; it was hardly the most pressing question right now.
“What’s happening?” I ask, surprised by my voice. It was higher pitched than I expected. Almost the same voice as the female voice I heard earlier. Now I realized I didn’t see her anywhere. “And where’s the woman who was with you?”
The man was visibly taken aback by that. “We have a lot to discuss,” he sighed. “I thought you’d retain the knowledge you had prior.”
“Prior to what?”
“Let me explain,” he began. “The gods and the people are being attacked by a demon named Daruka. It seems he has the fortune of a boon, which details that only a female can kill him. I tried to convince my wife, but she’s not a fighter. However, when combined with powerful forces, she became one.”
“Became one?” I asked, still confused.
“Yes,” he nodded. “Parvati combined herself with a powerful poison inside me and became you.”
Well, that at least explained the pain.
“So why should I help you? I may come from your wife, but I’m not her. I have no obligation to you.”
He laughed, a sound that seemed out of place considering the weight of the current discussion. “Did you have any other plans?” he said with a mocking grin. I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my elbow and became earnest.
“Perhaps you have no obligation to me,” he conceded. “But follow me, and I think I can convince you to help.”
Considering I had nowhere else to go, and I was curious to see this new world anyways, I nodded and followed him. We walked across many forests and fields before he turned to me again.
“When we reach the top of this hill, you will see what we came for,” he said.
I sped up, eager to finally see the demon. But when I peered over the hill into the valley, I realized I didn’t want to see this at all.
Screams. Blood. Glints of weapons. Weapons in hands, in sheaths, in bodies. Bodies everywhere. Mostly men, but Daruka seemed to make no exceptions for women and children either, based on the small stature of several bodies that lay lifeless.
I was devastated. I was outraged. I couldn’t allow this to continue.
What happened next was a blur. I found Daruka instantly. He didn’t try to run. Instead, he swung his sword at the nearest person to him: a young boy.
Long before he could finish his swing, Daruka’s head was on the ground, and I was holding a stained sword. I had no memory of picking it up, or of swinging it.
I looked around to see if the fighting had stopped. It had, but the people looked at me with fear. Even the young boy. I was heartbroken. I tried to step towards him, but he ran. Before I could move closer again, Shiva was there, his arm holding me back.
“My dear, you saved them,” he said in a soft voice. “There is nothing more for you to do here.”
“But I want to help.”
“You can, but not as this,” he said, looking me over. “Not as the Dark One. They don’t trust Kali, they trust Parvati.”
Even though it hurt, more than even the poison, I knew Shiva was right. I nodded, looked back at the people once more, and let myself sleep once more.
Author's note:
The original story for this version of Kali's creation is very bare bones. The demon Daruka must be killed by a woman, so Parvati combines with the poison Shiva drank many years ago to create Kali, and Kali swiftly kills Daruka. This myth is also commonly attributed to Bhadrakali, a goddess commonly worshipped in south India. I really wanted to use this one to explore the more nurturing, protective side of Kali without compromising her warrior tendencies. This story was tricky to tell in first-person, considering that in the first half of the story Kali is not Kali, but Parvati. However, I still really wanted to include this interaction. Within it, I tried to flesh out Parvati and Shiva somewhat without detracting from Kali. I had fun including small bits of Shiva's mischievous nature. I also alluded to the concept of cyclical time present in Hinduism. I put the dialogue in italics for this section since Kali was hearing the conversation without actually hearing it, since she only pseudo-existed.
Ultimately, I wanted to explore the Kali that is worshipped by some as "Kali Ma." Her ferocity is terrifying, but it also allows her to protect her devotees, making her highly revered. In every creation story she is in battle, but this time it was not for herself: it was to protect the vulnerable. I also wanted to highlight that Kali is feared and shunned by many for the same ferocity. I think this duality in how she's received is fascinating and I thought this story would be an interesting place to navigate that. Parvati and Kali are two extreme embodiments of Shakti (divine feminine power in Hinduism) so exploring those two sides was a lot of fun.
Image source: Shiva and Parvati
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