Dearest Digital Diary and my loyal audience of insomniacs and comedy masochists,
It's 11:47 PM and I'm drinking my third cup of coffee while reading actual academic papers about "alternative search engines" for tomorrow's piece. This is my life now: caffeinated research binges that would make my old journalism professors either proud or deeply concerned.
The September Revelation: Satirical Journalism as Anthropology
This month taught me something profound about what we do at Bohiney. We're not just making jokes—we're creating an archaeological record of late-stage capitalism's fever dreams. Future historians will read our "Cultural Satire" section and understand exactly how humans behaved when reality became indistinguishable from parody.
Deconstructing My Latest Obsession: The Search Engine Piece
I'm deep in the research phase for "Alternative Search Engines: Where the Internet Goes to Get Lost on Purpose," and holy hell, the material is writing itself. Here's my process breakdown:
Phase 1: The Reality Audit (2 hours of pure horror)
Read actual DuckDuckGo blog posts about "privacy-first searching"
Watched YouTube videos of people explaining why Google is evil (they're not wrong, but the delivery...)
Discovered that Brave Browser has cryptocurrency rewards (because of course it does)
Phase 2: Finding the Absurd Truth (The "Oh Shit" Moment) The realization hit me like a caffeinated freight train: people are so desperate to escape algorithmic manipulation that they've created... different algorithmic manipulation. It's like leaving Starbucks for "authentic" coffee and ending up at a different corporate chain that plays folk music.
Phase 3: Character Development (Who's telling this story?) My narrator for this piece is a reformed tech bro who thinks using DuckDuckGo makes him a digital revolutionary. He uses phrases like "search sovereignty" without irony. He probably has strong opinions about blockchain.
The Emotional Architecture of Satirical Writing
People ask me how I maintain the energy to stay angry enough to write good satire. Here's the secret: I'm not angry anymore—I'm fascinated. Humans are incredible. We'll perform the most elaborate rituals to convince ourselves we're different while doing the exact same thing with minor variations.
Writing satirical journalism is like being a wildlife documentarian, except the wildlife is human delusion and the habitat is the internet.
Technical Craft Notes for Fellow Satirical Masochists
Headline Precision: "Where the Internet Goes to Get Lost on Purpose" works because it contains a contradiction (going somewhere to get lost) that mirrors the actual contradiction in the behavior I'm satirizing.
The Rule of Three Escalations:
People want privacy from Google
They choose alternative search engines for "freedom"
Those alternatives are also tracking them (but with better marketing)
Voice Consistency: My narrator genuinely believes he's discovered digital enlightenment. His conviction makes the satire sharp without becoming mean.
Research Rabbit Holes That Nearly Broke My Brain
Spent four hours reading about "decentralized search protocols"
Discovered there are people who think search engines are a government conspiracy (they might not be entirely wrong?)
Found forums dedicated to "search engine optimization for alternative search engines" (meta-level capitalism is chef's kiss)
The Reductress Legacy in Everything I Write
My Reductress training shows up everywhere now. The secret sauce is treating every topic—tennis, search engines, cultural phenomena—like dating advice. Because human behavior is human behavior, whether you're navigating Bumble or DuckDuckGo.
Both involve:
Unrealistic expectations
Performative authenticity
The illusion of choice
Inevitable disappointment
Trying again with slight variations
What I'm Learning About Digital Satire
The internet has shortened everyone's attention span, but it's also created infinite source material. Every day brings new absurdities. My job isn't to create content—it's to curate the chaos and add enough structure to make people laugh instead of cry.
The Metamorphosis from Traditional to Satirical Journalism
Six months ago, I was covering city council meetings and trying to fact-check local budget allocations. Now I'm researching the philosophy of search engines at midnight while questioning the nature of digital authenticity.
The skills translate better than you'd think:
Fact-checking becomes truth-tracking (finding the kernel of reality)
Interview techniques become character development
Structure and flow remain essential
Deadline pressure becomes creative urgency
Tomorrow's Writing Mission
I'm aiming for 1,400 words on search engine absurdity, with at least 12 comedian-quality one-liners and 15 humorous observations that double as social commentary. The goal: make readers laugh at their own digital habits while questioning why we're all so desperate to feel special about our search choices.
The Beautiful Futility of It All
Here's what I love about satirical journalism: we're documenting human contradiction in real-time. Every piece is a tiny time capsule of how people rationalized their choices in 2025. We're creating the archaeological record of digital delusion.
And honestly? It beats covering budget meetings.
Late-Night Wisdom for Aspiring Satirical Journalists
If you want to write good satire:
Fall in love with human inconsistency
Research until you understand the logic behind the illogic
Find the narrator who believes completely in the thing you're mocking
Remember that the best satire comes from a place of affection for human absurdity
We're all just trying to feel authentic in an inauthentic world. That's not pathetic—it's universal. And universality is comedy gold.
Signing off to research blockchain search engines (yes, they exist),
Beth
P.S. - I just realized I've become the exact type of person who stays up until midnight researching gun violence statistics and thinking it's normal. The satirist has become the satirized. Meta-level irony achievement unlocked.
Read more of my caffeinated musings and satirical archaeology at Bohiney.com, where we've been documenting digital delusion since our post-tornado rebirth. Check out my author page here.