Journey to Self Confidence

My Journey to Self- Confidence

Anika Solapurkar | July 14, 2020

Self confidence. This word has meant so much to me over the past years and it is something I work to achieve every day. To me, self-confidence is a feeling of trusting in my abilities, qualities, and judgment. Enduring several hardships regarding my body image has allowed me to grow my self-confidence. So with that being said, today I will be sharing my journey to self-acceptance and confidence.

Throughout my early childhood, I never felt insecure regarding my looks and my overall judgment. To me, confidence was something I had seamlessly radiated while others struggled to do the same. However, as I entered the age of middle school, my peers had suddenly begun to comment on each other’s looks, and my confidence and admiration about myself quickly slipped away. I began to shift towards a dark and dangerous path of insecurity: constantly comparing myself to individuals who I perceived as “perfect”.

I recall that during this time period in my life, social media had started to become a popular platform for my peers to share pictures and videos of themselves. At first, the rise of social media was a fun and inciting activity for my friends and I. However, it quickly turned into a place of toxicity and insecurity for me. My Instagram feed had become full of pictures of individuals who embodied unrealistic beauty standards and I quickly became more and more insecure as the days went by. I began to change the way I dressed to fit society's high beauty expectations. More people began to talk to me as they finally perceived me as “pretty” and “attractive”. Though I began to get more attention and praise from others, I felt far from what they said about me. I felt alone, and more importantly, I had lost myself. I was tired of being someone that I wasn’t and this loneliness and exhaustion became apparent to my sister.

She sat me down one day and told me she noticed a change in my attitude and appearance. I expressed to her that I took an interest in “fashion” and “makeup” and though that was the case, she knew it was more than just the clothes. She knew that I was different and she knew something was wrong. I began to push her away because I didn’t want to inflict my insecurities and my pain onto her. However, she persisted. My sister told me “ Anika, stop. Stop caring about what they say. You know life is short. Don’t spend it breaking yourself down”. From that day on, I knew things had to change.

In order to get out of the toxic environment I was in, I knew that I had to change the people around me. I began to surround myself with friends and family who had genuinely cared about my safety and well-being. Furthermore, I decided to take a break from social media for three years to focus on myself and my happiness. Those three years were the most memorable and enlightening years of my life thus far. I was able to solely focus on myself, my friends, and my family who all contributed to my overall confidence. I challenged myself and I tested my abilities which was something I had never done before.

Self-confidence isn’t a one day process and for me, it was a 7-year battle with myself. I came to the realization that life is too short and it wasn’t fair to myself to spend it criticizing the person I am. I love who I am and I am proud of what I’ve gone through and you should be too. We are flawed but our flaws do not define. YOU can choose what defines you. The power lies with YOU.