Gargantua

Les jeux de Gargantua

Chapitre XXII

Gargantua's games

Chapter XXII

Puis, tout lordement grignotant d’un transon de graces, se lavoit les mains de vin frais, s’escuroit les dens avec un pied de porc et devisoit joyeusement avec ses gens. Puis, le verd estendu, l’on desployoit force chartes, force dez, et renfort de tabliers. Là jouoyt :

Au flux, à la condemnade, à la prime, à la charte virade, à la vole, au maucontent, à la pille, au lansquenet, à la triumphe, au cocu, à la picardie, à qui a si parle, au cent, à pille, nade, jocque, fore, à l’espinay, a mariaige, à la malheureuse, au gay, au fourby, à l’opinion, à passe dix, à qui faict l’ung faict l’aultre, à trente et ung, à la sequence, à pair et sequence, au luettes, à troys cens, au tarau, au malheureux, à coquinbert, qui gaigne perd, au beliné, au pies, au torment, à la corne, à la ronfle, au beuf violé, au glic, à la cheveche, aux honneurs, à je te pinse sans rire, à la mourre, à picoter, aux eschetz, à deferrer l’asne, au renard, à laiau tru, au marelles, au bourry, bourryzou, au vasches, à je m’assis, à la blanche, à la barbe d’oribus, à la chance, à la bousquine, à trois dez, à tire la broche, au tables, à la boutte foyre, à la nicnocque, à compere, prestez moy vostre sac, au lourche, à la renette, à la couille de belier, au barignin, à boute hors, au trictrac, à figues de Marseille, à toutes tables, à la mousque, au tables rabatues, à l’archer tru, au reniguebieu, à escorcher le renard, au forcé, à la ramasse, au dames, au croc madame, à la babou, à vendre l’avoine, à primus secundus, à souffler le charbon, au pied du cousteau, au responsailles, au clefz, au juge vif et juge mort, au franc du carreau, à tirer les fers du four, à pair ou non, au fault villain, à croix ou pille, au cailleteaux, au martres, au bossu aulican, au pingres, à Sainct Trouvé, a la bille, à pinse morille, au savatier, au poirier, au hybou, à pimpompet, au dorelot du lievre, au triori, à la tirelitantaine, au cercle, à cochonnet va devant, a la truye, à ventre contre ventre, à Sainct Cosme, je te viens adorer, aux combes, à la vergette, à escharbot le brun, au palet, à je vous prens sans verd, au j’en suis, à bien et beau s’en va Quaresme, à Foucquet, au quilles, au chesne forchu, au rapeau, au chevau fondu, à la boulle plate, à la queue au loup, au vireton, à pet en gueulle, au picqu’à Rome, à Guillemin ballie my ma lance, à rouchemerde, à la brandelle, à Angenart, au treseau, à la courte boulle, au bouleau, à la griesche, à la mousche, à la recoquillette, à la migne, migne beuf, au cassepot, au propous, à mon talent, à neuf mains, à la pyrouète, au chapifou, au jonchées, au pontz cheuz, au court baston, à Colin bridé, au pyrevollet, à la grolle, à clinemuzete, au cocquantin, au picquet, à Colin Maillard, à la blancque, à myrelimofle, au furon, à mouschart, à la seguette, au crapault, au chastelet, à la crosse, à la rengée, au piston, à la foussette, au bille boucquet, au ronflart, au roynes, à la trompe, au mestiers, au moyne, à teste à teste bechevel, au tenebry, au pinot, à l’esbahy, à male mort, à la soulle, aux croquinolles, à la navette, à laver la coiffe Madame, à fessart, au belusteau, au ballay, à semer l’avoyne, à briffault, à la cutte cache, au molinet, à la maille, bourse en cul, à defendo, au nid de la bondrée, à la virevouste, au passavant, à la bacule, à.la figue, au laboureur, au petarrades, à la cheveche, à pille moustarde, au escoublettes enraigées, à cambos, à la beste morte, a la recheute, à monte, monte l’eschelette, au picandeau, au pourceau mory, à croqueteste, à cul sallé, à la grolle, au pigonnet, à la grue, au tiers, à taille coup, à la bourrée, au nazardes, au sault du buisson, aux allouettes, à croyzet, aux chinquenaudes.

Après avoir bien joué, sessé, passé et beluté temps, convenoit boire quelque peu, — c’estoient unze peguadz pour homme, — et, soubdain après bancqueter, c’estoit sus un beau banc ou en beau plein lict s’estendre et dormir deux ou troys heures, sans mal penser ny mal dire.

Luy esveillé, secouoit un peu les aureilles. Ce pendent estoit apporté vin frais ; là beuvoyt mieulx que jamais.

Ponocrates luy remonstroit que c’estoit mauvaise diete ainsi boyre apres dormir.

«  C’est (respondist Gargantua) la vraye vie des Peres, car de ma nature je dors sallé, et le dormir m’a valu autant de jambon. »

Puis commençoit estudier quelque peu, et patenostres en avant, pour lesquelles mieulx en forme expedier montoit sus une vieille mulle, laquelle avoit servy neuf Roys. Ainsi marmotant de la bouche et dodelinant de la teste, alloit veoir prendre quelque connil aux filletz.

Au retour se transportoit en la cuysine pour sçavoir quel roust estoit en broche.

Et souppoit très bien, par ma conscience ! et voluntiers convioit quelques beuveurs de ses voisins, avec lesquelz, beuvant d’autant, comptoient des vieux jusques es nouveaulx. Entre aultres avoit pour domesticques les seigneurs du Fou, de Gourville, de Grignault et de Marigny.

Après soupper venoient en place les beaux Evangiles de boys, c’est à dire force tabliers, ou le beau flux. Un, deux, troys, ou à toutes restes pour abreger, ou bien alloient voit les garses d’entour, et petitz bancquetz parmy, collations et arriere collations. Puis dormoit sans desbrider jusques au lendemain huict heures.

Then, heavily mumbling a scrap of grace, he would wash his hands with cool wine, pick his teeth with a pig’s foot, and chat merrily with his attendants. Then, the green cloth having been spread, they would trot out a vast number of cards, heaps of dice, and plenty of game boards. There, he played:

At flush, at the condemned, at primero, at turned-card, at the vole, at malcontent, at pillage, at lansquenet, at trump, at cuckold, at picardy, at speak-who-can, at the hundred, at heads-or-tails, at knave, at out, at the thorn-bush, at marriage, at the unlucky, at the gay, at the cheat, at opinion, at pass-ten, at tit-for-tat, at thirty-one, at sequence, at pair-and-sequence, at the luettes, at three hundred, at tarot, at the wretch, at numbskull, at loser-wins, at the sheep, at feet, at torment, at the horn, at snoring, at the violated ox, at glic, at the screech-owl, at honors, at pinch-me-without-laughing, at morra, at peck-at-it, at chess, at unshoeing the donkey, at fox, at the water-shout, at nine men's morris, at the cow-dance, at "I sat down," at the white, at the beard-of-gold, at chance, at the mouth-game, at three dice, at pull-the-spit, at backgammon, at the fair-booth, at nick-nock, at "friend-lend-me-your-sack," at lurch, at the queen-frog, at the ram’s testicle, at barignin, at push-out, at trictrac, at Marseille figs, at toutes tables, at the fly, at tables-down, at the archer, at "God-renounce-me," at skinning the fox, at the forced-hand, at the sledge, at checkers, at croc-madame, at the grimace, at selling the oats, at primus-secundus, at blowing the coal, at the knife-point, at the responses, at the keys, at live-judge-and-dead-judge, at "fair-play," at pulling-irons-from-the-oven, at odd-or-even, at the dirty-trick, at cross-or-pile, at the little quails, at the martens, at the hunchback, at the stingy, at Saint-Found, at the marble, at pinch-mushroom, at the cobbler, at the pear-tree, at the owl, at pimpompet, at the rabbit's-darling, at the triori, at the jingle-bell, at the circle, at "piggy-go-first," at the sow, at belly-against-belly, at "Saint-Cosme-I-come-to-adore-thee," at the valleys, at the rod, at the brown beetle, at quoits, at "I-catch-you-without-green," at "I'm-in," at "Lent-goes-away-fair-and-fine," at Fouquet, at ninepins, at the forked oak, at the gathering, at leapfrog, at flat-ball, at the wolf’s tail, at the dart, at fart-in-the-mouth, at Rome-spike, at "Guillemin-give-me-my-lance," at dung-roller, at the swing, at Angenart, at the triple-jump, at short-ball, at the birch, at the kestrel, at the fly, at the bunched-up, at the "darling-ox," at the pot-breaker, at the talk, at my-pleasure, at nine hands, at the spinning-top, at the crazy-hat, at the rushes, at the fallen bridges, at the short stick, at blindfolded-Colin, at the turnstile, at the crow, at hide-and-seek, at the rascal, at piquet, at blindman's buff, at the lottery, at myrelimofle, at the ferret, at the snoop, at the saw, at the toad, at the little castle, at lacrosse, at the row, at the piston, at the marble-hole, at cup-and-ball, at the snorer, at the queens, at the trumpet, at the trades, at the monk, at head-to-head, at the shadows, at the pine-nut, at the stunned, at bad-death, at the soule-ball, at the biscuits, at the shuttle, at washing-the-Lady’s-cap, at the spanker, at the bolter, at the broom, at sowing-oats, at the glutton, at hide-and-seek, at the little mill, at the coin-in-the-ass, at the "defend-it," at the buzzard's nest, at the whirligig, at pass-before, at the see-saw, at the fig, at the plowman, at the farts, at the screech-owl, at mustard-pillage, at the mad-hawks, at the stilts, at the dead beast, at the relapse, at climb-the-ladder, at the woodpecker, at the dead pig, at head-cracker, at salted-butt, at the rook, at the little pigeon, at the crane, at the third, at cut-size, at the faggot, at the flick-on-the-nose, at the bush-jump, at the larks, at the little cross, at the finger-snaps.

After having well played, sifted, and frittered away the time, it was necessary to drink a little—about eleven pots per man—and immediately after banqueting, he would stretch out on a fine bench or in a good bed to sleep for two or three hours, without a bad thought or a bad word.

Upon waking, he would shake his ears a bit. Meanwhile, fresh wine was brought; then he drank better than ever.

Ponocrates pointed out to him that it was a bad diet to drink like that after sleeping.

"It is," Gargantua replied, "the true life of the Holy Fathers; for by my nature I sleep 'salty,' and that sleep was worth as much to me as a side of ham."

Then he began to study a little, starting with his Paternosters; to get through them more efficiently, he would mount an old mule that had served nine kings. Thus, mumbling with his mouth and nodding his head, he went to see the rabbits being caught in the nets.

On his return, he would head to the kitchen to see what roast was on the spit.

And he supped very well, on my conscience! He gladly invited some of his neighbors who were heavy drinkers, and while matching them glass for glass, they told stories both old and new. Among others, he had as his domestic companions the Lords of Fou, Gourville, Grignault, and Marigny.

After supper, the "Wooden Gospels" (that is, the game boards) were brought out, or the fine game of flush. They played one, two, three, or "all-in" to make it quick; or else they went to visit the local girls, with little banquets, snacks, and midnight feasts in between. Then he slept without waking until eight o'clock the next morning.