Hello, I’m God!

Yes, you heard me right: I’m God, the Creator of the Universe.

Hold on tight, because I’m going to say something that will shake you, but it’s the naked truth: It’s the first time I communicate with Humanity. I’ve never appeared to anyone and never spoken to anyone.

This means that what you think you know about me is a lie. It’s all the invention of madmen and crooks. All gods, including Jehovah, Jesus and Allah, and all religions, including Judaism, Christianity and Islam, are false.

I’ve never ordered anyone to write any book, least of all the Bible and the Koran, the books that most spread lies about me. It’s incredible that so many people believe I’m the author of these books, when it’s evident that they are full of absurdities, violence, immorality and perversities. Because they believed the lies the Bible tells about me, Christians spent centuries enslaving, persecuting, torturing and burning people, convinced that they were doing my will.

I made Nature develop in you the faculty of intuitively feeling what is right and what is wrong. How, then, could and can you Bible followers consider it right for me to drown people and animals, send plagues on Egypt, killing also children, order to stone people, invade and destroy cities, killing also children, and punish people with pests, droughts and hunger? The Bible portrays me as being a million times more evil than Hitler and Stalin. And you think that is normal? Worse: worthy of praise? How could and can you think it’s right to worship a genocidal psychopath? After all, if I were like the Bible and the Koran say I am, that’s exactly what I’d be: a genocidal psychopath.

And speaking of worshiping, one of the things I most hate is flattery. Would a being that made trillions of galaxies feel the need to be worshiped? I’d have to suffer from severe narcissistic personality disorder to demand something as detestable as what the Bible says I demanded: animal sacrifice. Excuse my sincerity, but the rituals you still practice today to flatter me are bizarre. I’ve never asked for anything from you. All religious demands are idiocies invented by stupid people.

With very few exceptions, like negro spirituals, composed by people enslaved by Christians, the songs you sing to praise me are horrible. And what’s the big idea of going one or more days without eating to convince me to help you? It’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen. If I wanted to help you, I would. You wouldn’t need to humiliate yourselves, let alone in such an embarrassing way.

Of this mess of religions invented by madmen and crooks, the Pentecostal churches are among the most grotesque. It’s incredible that so many people believe I like bellowing and pandemonium. I’m disgusted with pastors and pastoresses who, taking advantage of the credulity and anguish of the ignorant, make a living from promising cures.

I’m very sorry to disappoint you, but the billions of prayers you say every single day are totally in vain. I don’t perform miracles. I made Nature endow you with the capacity to live well, in harmony, to help each other and, through Science, so fought against by many of you, solve all kinds of problems, including the physical and health ones. If everyone made use of this capacity, you’d stop dreaming of Heaven, another of the many religious lies invented to control you.

If you made use of common sense, you’d never believe the most perverse of all doctrines fabricated by stupid manipulators: Hell. I can’t understand how you can even imagine I’m capable of torturing people, let alone for doubting my existence! If I don’t torture even those who do evil, much less those who don’t believe in me. I’m the creator of logic and reason. Those who doubt my existence are making use of the critical thinking that I invented. As I said, I can’t stand flattery. So, I don’t mind if someone doesn’t believe in me. By the way, I’m going to confess something to you, and I hope you won’t be offended: in general, I like disbelievers more than believers, because disbelievers don’t spread lies about me.

I wish you all, and not just a small minority, were freethinkers. Stop following religions, sects, churches, cults, faiths, creeds, rites, dogmas, abbots, apostles, archbishops, astrologers, ayatollahs, babalawos, babalorishás, bishops, blessers, canons, cardinals, cartomancers, chaplains, clergymen, deacons, devotees, diviners, ecclesiastics, enchanters, evangelists, fortune tellers, friars, gurus, healers, illuminists, imams, magicians, mediums, missionaries, monks, necromancers, occultists, padres, pastors, patriarchs, pontiffs, popes, preachers, prelates, presbyters, primates, priors, prophets, rabbis, religious, reverends, seers, shamans, sorcerers, vicars, witches and wizards. You don’t need to, in fact, you shouldn’t follow anyone.

The heaven and hell of the wicked sacred books you follow don’t exist, but you — and it doesn’t take a genius to figure this out — have the power to turn the world into a heaven or a hell. There’s no life after death, much less eternal. You have only this life.

As I said, I’ve never asked anything from you, but today I will. Not because I need it, after all I don’t need anything, but because you need it, since you spend your lives seeking happiness, while insisting on rejecting the simple formula to find it, perhaps precisely because it’s so simple. You persist in thinking that the formula for happiness needs to be complicated. Only it isn’t.

Do always only good.

The day all of you do always only good, you’ll have converted this pale blue dot, which you call Earth, into a paradise.

Excuse me, but I have new universes to create.

Good luck!