ANN News

Exclusive: Joe Biden Sits Down for a Candid Interview, Briefly Thinks It’s 1974

Reporter: Mr. President, thank you for joining us today.

President Biden: Thank you, Walter. Good to be here.

Reporter: Uh… I’m not Walter Cronkite, sir.

Biden: Huh. You kids and your disguises these days.

Reporter: Let’s jump right in. What’s the biggest challenge facing America today?

Biden: Well, back in my day, it was getting your hands on a decent pair of bell bottoms and making sure your 8-track player didn’t eat your Springsteen tape. But nowadays? It’s TikTok. No one knows where the clock is anymore!

Reporter: Some critics say you may be getting a bit forgetful.

Biden: That’s nonsense. I’ve got the memory of a… of a… um…

Reporter: Elephant?

Biden: No, I was thinking of a goldfish. They seem pretty relaxed.

Reporter: Do you still feel confident about running again in 2028?

Biden: 2028? Heck, I’m still celebrating Y2K.

Reporter: Final question. What message do you have for the American people?

Biden: Look, folks. Here’s the deal. I’ve got my Geritol, I’ve got my support socks, and I’ve got the nuclear codes taped to the back of the TV remote. America’s in good hands. Or at least in hands. Possibly someone’s hands.

At this point, the interview concluded due to Biden's decision to go sniff the plastic plants, as their scent is "really quite calming".