Y’all. I was a mess this morning.
Well, actually every morning this week. A humbled, full of gratitude mess.
Heck, I’m crying again just trying to share this. I get nervous about sharing pieces of my testimony or doubt that anyone cares but I also know that sometimes reading or hearing of someone else’s experience is just the shoring up we need to get through our own rough patch.
And a few years ago things were rough. We were all healthy and I am always grateful for that, but there were lots of unforeseen circumstances, our “plan” wasn’t hashing out like we thought.
I’m a planner, a list maker- it’s probably a coping skill I created as I grew older. But the plan was suddenly off the board entirely. Not just pieces of it but: THE. ENTIRE. PLAN.
In all honesty, it was scary. I didn’t know what He wanted us to do, like, literally, at a complete standstill (or so it seemed). People talk about the “fork in the road” and deciding which path to take… Gary and I were at a place where there wasn’t a “fork,” for that matter… there wasn’t even a “road” to continue down. No choices to choose from and no rambling ahead looking for one.
No path. A complete standstill. I lived in a state of prayer.
Just Jesus. **
“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
We didn’t have any other option. We were forced to be still. Sadly, if we hadn’t been forced to be, I’m sure human nature would have done its thing and we would have continued just floundering, grasping, trying to control things, following a path that wasn’t intended for us anymore. But His plan… man.
I am ashamed, looking back, to remember how stressed and scared I was. Where was the trust? I trusted Him but I wanted at least a HINT! I see now that we would have been looking for a path/plan in relation to where we were currently standing- something somewhat familiar, that felt safe. But our “safety” isn’t in our manmade plan, but in Him and only Him. We’ve probably all said that we know that but there is nothing like the understanding you get when you are truly right smack in the middle of a situation or have freshly come out the other side. Raw clarity.
His plan did not resemble anything we had ever done before or anything even remotely on our radar. If it had been an option, a fork in the road, we wouldn’t have chosen it because it would have seemed preposterous! The seemingly absurdness of it would have almost guaranteed we wouldn’t have chosen it.
And here we are, quietly thriving.
He took away our options so we would have to follow where He wanted to lead us. He knows so, SO much better than we do. His plan was more than we could have ever imagined. And He knows He can’t show us too much ahead of time (we’d screw it up somehow, I’m certain).
This week I have been feeling that same raw clarity- the HUGE gratitude that I experienced after we were able to slowly breathe a sigh of relief as His plan started to unfold. It tends to fade with time as life goes on and the dust settles. I don’t want to forget, settling in or taking for granted how He rerouted everything for the better. Or how He held us up when we would have collapsed if dependent only on our own strength. It’s ALL Him. It always is.
So humbled and grateful.
** just- adverb- simply; only; no more than.
“Just what we needed.”
(from my personal Facebook, June 2024)