In all seriousness, this narrative was one of the hardest pieces I have written. The hardest part was to get myself to the point to talk and demonstrate hate while also being able to show it through my character. It was difficult to put passion and write about something that I did not agree with. However, once I finally stepped into Garret’s shoes and created a relationship, so to say, with him the passion just spewed out of my fingertips onto the keyboards. It was interesting reflecting back onto the process of this piece and throughout it I kept realizing that there are individuals that have strong beliefs with this ideology. The following will be about a white teenager who was raised in a racist family that have very strong beliefs against mexican immigration. Garret, the teenager taking on this character, also had these beliefs until something occurred with him that was a strong enlightening moment.
January 28, 2018 was the day my beliefs were forever changed but let's take a look at it from the very beginning
My name is Garret Jackson and I am 17 years old. Growing up in the enormous state of Texas, I was raised in a household of very strong beliefs, which is later revealed as my downfall. I am a born and raised Texan, I am grateful that I was born into a family that is pretty well off. My mother is a stay at home mom, my father works at a business firm, and I am an only child. My mother is my biggest support system but my dad is the ruler of the house and what he says goes. It has always been like that for my dad and it was the same way with his dad, my grandfather. Growing up I was always told what to do and what to believe in. “Don’t talk to them” my dad would say and “they’re not our type”. I would blindly follow his lead because that’s all I knew and afterall, parents know best. I grew up in a neighborhood that was very divided. On half there was what my father would call “our type of people” and on the other side was brown people, mexicans.
At a young age I realized my dads strong hate and despite against their people. If he did not like them than neither should I because in my innocent childhood brain there was no way my dad can hate people for absolutely no reason. I remember a time specifically I was walking to the park with my friend who was the son of one of my dad’s friends and someone from the other side came to talk to us. Our fathers ran to us and got us which led to a long lecture on why we should never be with “those kind of people”. They labeled them as dangerous and started telling us terrible stories about the kinds of things they do. I have never heard about so many drugs, gangs, or violence. I was so confused on how they could do that. In that moment, my dad made me realize why he hated them so much. If he knew all those stories about them, obviously I should believe him because my own dad wouldn’t lie to me. Or that’s what I use to believe.
From that day forward, I focused on how my father treated them and I mimicked him. My father had a group of friends whom he would have meetings with once or twice a month and they were centered around talking about those mexicans. His friends kids and I would sometimes sit in on the meetings and listen to all the terrible things they were doing to our town and our country. Ever since Trump became president there conversations have gotten more rowdy and all they keep talking about is building that wall. Sometimes we would even pitch into the conversations. My father has never been so proud until the first time I joined in on the conversation. I remember I said “get those aliens out of here” I felt disgusted by myself for saying that but I received so much rejoice from the group. Did I really mean what I said in that moment? In that time I didn’t know the answer to that question but I continued to say things like this because that was the only time I would ever receive any attention from my father, it was crazy to think he could actually be proud of me. I was confused on whether I actually fully believed or understood what I was saying, but in those moments of confusion I was receiving everything I ever hoped for. This was the sense of pride that would notice beaming from my father. This rare sight is what kept pushing me to find more things to hold against these people that are not our kind.
As I got older my father and his friends started to put more trust into my and revealed that they were a part of some group with the acronym of FAIR. I was confused that they could actually turn their beliefs into a group but I continued to follow their lead with no questions. After all, my father was setting me up to follow in his footsteps and teach my kids everything he taught me. They saw something that I did not see in myself and this continued to feed my addiction in trying to do everything that could seem “right” in their eyes. I started to express those beliefs outside of my house. I expressed that hate around my friends and in school. I should have been valedictorian. Yet, someone that doesn’t even rightfully belong here took my spot. I was dumbfounded by the fact that the administration could even let that happen. I complained to everyone. I will never forget, my principal said “Garret there comes a point where you have to be your own person and stop blindly following the beliefs of someone that’s turning you into a terrible person”. His words caused something unknown to stir up from within me but I just kept pushing it away by saying “he’s crazy”. I thought, if there was a terrible person it was him for letting someone that’s illegal receive the highest honor of leadership (valedictorian). I was miserable the whole graduation and my dad refused to go to my graduation. I was hurt, I had been doing and saying everything to make him proud of me but he couldn’t even show up when I needed him. His excuse was that he could not see or listen to someone “like that” up there talking not even if it was for his own son. Along with my principles statement, this situation was the first thing that pushed me to start seeing the world through my own eyes and beliefs. The small thing stirring up from within me began to grow and I found myself starting to question some of the things I've said and the actions I’ve taken throughout the past couple of years.
Fast Forward to the 28th of January 2018, the day that changed me forever. This day I got a flat tire driving to one of my father’s FAIR meetings due to the terrible thunderstorm and no one would help me. Everyone refused to leave their oh so important meeting, leaving me stranded. There I was cold and drenched on the side of the road. Until, Maria and her parents pulled over and offered there help. I denied it because I didn’t interact with those people. They were so adamant on helping me to the point that I put everything I was taught aside, finally letting them. They called someone and in an instance Maria’s uncle was there with a tow truck getting my car to the shop. I was shocked by how her family would drop what they were doing just to help a stranger. I had no way home, so Maria’s family took me into their home, gave me fresh clothes, and some soup which I learned is called “caldo”. They treated me like family and sometime throughout our time together I realized how wrong I have been for holding hate for these people for so long. I began to get so upset with myself, I apologize, thanked the family, left my number, and left before I had a breakdown. The thing that started stirring within me after that talk with my principal and bumps in the road with my father finally exploded.
For weeks following, I resented myself and my family. I hated the fact that I was blindly following my father's lead. In those same weeks, my goal was to figure out what pushed me to have the belief towards a group that is like everyone else and have done nothing wrong. Then it hit me, I started expressing my false beliefs in this ideology and group solely based off of the fact that it made my father proud of me. I was just a son looking for his father to be proud of him. I let this take over who I am and it turned me into a terrible person. I couldn’t look at myself the same. Since then, I have done extensive research on what FAIR really is and I was disgusted by the fact that they have a connection to the KKK. They are fighting to keep hispanics out from a place that is open to everyone. I called my father out on his terrible beliefs and tried to make him see the right point of view. I tried to save him from his consumption of hate but nothing worked. All I wanted was for him to try to understand my new perspective, the only place this got me is more disappointment.
The easy part of my new perspective was getting out of FAIR, the only good part about this group is that there are no strict rules about leaving. I just cut off all connections with everyone in the group, my father included. Once I left the group and grew out of my weird obsession with being like my father I felt the toxicity exit me like an infection being killed by medicine. Throughout this situation Maria and I grew closer as she helped to open my eyes from their blindness. Her family is now my family. My father didn’t come to our wedding and I was actually okay with it. Someone like that doesn’t get to experience the joy and love I experience from Maria and her family. My parents are divorced and my mother and I are able to see eye to eye. I have finally forgave myself for being consumed with those terrible thoughts and it’s a chapter in my life that’s officially shut. Now Maria and I are fighting to shut down all of the hate and terrible stereotypes flowing around this world.
Works Cited
Beirich, Heidi. “The Nativist Lobby: Three Faces of Intolerance.” Southern Poverty Law Center, 1 Feb. 2009, https://www.splcenter.org/20090131/nativist-lobby-three-faces-intolerance.
“Federation for American Immigration Reform.” Leading Fight to Stop Illegal Immigration,
fairus.org/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI_ pvzqsaZ5gIVAdvACh27qQce9EAAYASAAEgISL_D_BwE.
“Federation for American Immigration Reform.” Southern Poverty Law Center, https://www.splcenter.org/fighting-hate/extremist-files/group/federation-american-immigration-reform.
“Mainstreaming Hate: The Anti-Immigrant Movement in the U.S.” Anti Defamation League, 2019, https://adl.org/the-anti-immigrant-movement-in-the-us#executive-summary.