I want to lean in/ heart open/ being here now
I want to lean in/ heart open/ being here now
2017-2018 was a special time for me. My children were, for the first time, both in school, and I was working only four days a week, which meant I had a full day each week to do whatever I desired (a lot of wandering and writing). It was during this time that my first poetry collection, Awake in The Sea of Dreams, was born. I see it sort of as a coming of age as a poet collection, and a glimpse into the journey of my heart and thoughts during that time.
I have not yet pursued publication for it, but did write the following about it, for when that time comes: "This poetry is deeply personal, from the innermost chambers of my heart. It is like a child I have nurtured, loved unexplainably, and groomed the pathway of wonder and freedom with. Personal yet universal, each poem holds a deeper meaning about life and the workings of the universe. Again, like a child, born from me, but not from me, mine, but not mine, a beacon, lest I lose my way, lest I ever forget."
Click on the titles below for a taste of the poetry in Awake in The Sea of Dreams
My hands
Young and soft and strong
Run over her wrinkles
Pulling stray strands
Of Wisdom
In unsightly places
Oh grandmother
I hear your whisper
“You are my sunshine”
And I am 5 again
Rocking, content
“my only sunshine”
And I am 7
In your best climbing tree
“you make me happy”
I am
10, playing tiddlywinks
“when skies are grey”
12, burying Papa
“you’ll never know dear”
13, cleaning, Colorado
“how much I love you”
26, “you are my golden ray of sunshine” you say
“so please don’t take my sunshine away”
And I am 32, back in this garden
Working the earth
The way we always did
Pulling weeds
Wisdom
And the breeze
Blowing
Across the ages
I want to lean in
heart open, being
here now
I want to ride its waves
a water molecule
at sea
Crashing and splashing
with emotion, the flow
of life
The sea’s beauty
undoes my heart
in praise
And a single tear
finds her way
home
I am an only child
born that way
alone
1 chic but cramped, thin and sleek
the other rugged and roomy.
I was walking through the world
wearing two different boots.
The discovery put a spring in my step
a celebration
for the wonder of walking
straight through the wild
and arriving back where I started
one leg longer
leading me in circles.
How do you want it?
Medium well?
Still bleeding?
Wild
My heart, Speaking
He broke it
And Blessed it
My heart, Begging
Take, eat
Remember me
This is my body
In raw poetry
Black
And pouring
Draft after draft
4 generations later
And his mama
Channeling.
Change is hard
Cider
4 dollars and fifty cents
His heart
Free
Foam overflowing
We drink it down
Together
Drinking on the job
Singing
His mama’s song
Another draft
Different words
Same freedom song
Time
Was made for meeting
Fingers for speaking
And strumming
Heartstrings
Teach me your song
Soft and slow
Play me
A lullaby on dendrite tips
Humming, singing
Hands meeting
Sealing the synapse
Electricity surging
Seeking, squeezing
Silently speaking
The heart’s voice
Which words cannot.
Alone and cold
On the outside
Warm inside, marveling
At the stitching of heaven
Falling and floating around me
The fluff of heaven’s pillows
So soft you lay your head down
And never lift it up again.
Only heaven could stuff its pillows
With particles infinite yet unique
In soft jagged edges.
Savoring the silence
Of the winter woods,
A distant train
Brings me from my reverie
Speaking of giving and taking away.
Further along my path
I stumble upon a Hot Wheels bicycle
From another world
And can feel the warm summer breezes
And hear the laughter
And see soo much green
The irony is thick
As I push it
Through the cold, brown, bare silence
All the way home.
When the path is so well groomed, it’s hard to get off
To go bush-wacking
To try a new trail
Where the wild ones are, where you long to be.
We held our breath
The dogs, birds, trees, and me
To better hear the silence
And found the stream speaking
About survival in a cold dark night-
That tears dripping prevent the pipes from bursting.
We stayed there
And headed for Home
In awe of the artist
Who painted magnificent silhouettes
On a background of forever
A faun
Adorned, in war paint, white
Bade me
“Come”
Into the woods tonight.
So into the woods I went
Mercy!
He was heaven sent
With a furry flag of white
Dancing in the late day light
Mystic music in the air
I was awe struck
Hyper aware.
Then awoke into a dream
Found a pan flute and a gypsy queen
Brought both to the other side
Once a thought, now alive
Glad to learn
For heaven’s sake
How to finally fall awake.
The sea has a way
of reminding me
of birth
and death
The great mother
with her water womb
lulls me
to sleep
And I dream
of a bottle
birthed on the shores
of another world
I wonder if anyone will find me
going out
the way I came in
water on flame
I cry out
lost,
my message
at sea.