The New Giants

I know everything has its ups and downs, but I was honestly quite surprised to hear firsthand some of the stuff our towering kinfolk have to go through. "Wow! You giants really have it rough," I exclaimed.

"Not all of us," Antaeus answered, shooting a glare at John Henry and Paul Bunyan.

"Well, not all of us go around challenging heroes to deathmatches!" John shot back.

"And it's not like me or John had an easy go of things either, even if we didn't come out of it looking like villains," Paul chimed in.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Please, do enlighten us as to the horrible struggles you two have faced," Goliath answered snidely.

"Paul, hows about you take this one," John Henry responded. "I am not in the mood for this crap."

"Only since Goliath asked sooo politely," Paul huffed. "God! Do you have any idea how hard it is to feed an entire camp full of giant lumberjacks, or to convince my ox, Babe, to haul timbers when he's in a mood? But I digress. I think I'll regale you with one of my more extravagant tales: the time I made, or rather remade, the Great Lakes!"

The man had the booming voice of a great storyteller. It was evident he had done this many times, likely around a gigantic bonfire somewhere among the great northern pines. Goliath and Antaeus feigned indifference, but you could tell the entire table was eager to hear what Paul had to say.

"It was the winter of thirty-one. Eighteen thirty-one that is. The Winter of the Deep Snow they called it, and if you ask anyone who was there, they'll tell you that was an understatement. The snow piled so high I needed Babe to run a plow just to find the trees! As a matter of fact, there was so much snow, it didn't melt in time for planting season that year, so come next winter--which was just as bad as the first mind you--we didn't have a bite to eat...had to chew on shoe leather and straw hats just to survive. And we did survive, but when we came out on the other end of it, we found the Great Lakes had frozen over entirely--right down to the bottom! With that much ice, there was no way they'd thaw by themselves, so me, Babe, and the boys set to work. We carved the ice into blocks, ten by ten by ten feet and dredged 'em out onto the shore to melt. Took us all summer, but we got the job done--had to bring in a new batch of fish through the Erie canal though."

"Oh whoop-de-do, you toughed out a bad winter," Goliath sarcastically applauded. "Doesn't seem like you came out too much worse for wear though."

"Unfortunately for us," Antaeus mumbled.

"What? Hardships only count if you almost die from them?" Paul returned. "In that case, John, why don't you tell us all your tale?"

"Paul, you know I don't like to brag," John started. "But I do love a good competition, especially with these dinosaurs. So yeah, I think I will!"

"The whole thing started a few years after the Civil War, out in Virginia. The C&O railroad company was trying to extend their lines into the South, and I was hired on as the head steel driver, tunneling through hills and mountains to make way for the tracks. One morning, some fancy-lookin' suit from the city comes in with his 'new and fantastic' steam drill. Says it can cut through rock faster than any man. Now I wasn't about to let my boys lose their jobs to that contraption so I suggested we put that claim to the test. One day of drilling. Man versus Machine. Whoever makes it the furthest wins. I swung that hammer faster and harder than I had ever swung my entire life. End of the day, I had made fourteen feet of space...the steam drill broke down after nine. Came at a cost though. Not five minutes after the city big-wig hauled off, head in his hands and red as a tomato, I collapsed from the pain and exhaustion, spent the next week and a half in bed. The swinging completely blew out my right rotator cuff, and the reverberations through the hammer fractured both my forearms, not to mention the friction ripping clean through my gloves and the skin on my hands. I felt those things happening, of course, but I just worked through it. I could hide the pain, and injuries heal. Or at least I thought they did. Shoulder's never been the same since."

"Try having someone take your whole arm," the Oni chimed in.

"What?" the table spoke in unison, turning to the Oni, and double-checking that he very much did have both arms and was using them to shovel unbelievable amounts of food into his mouth.

"Well, I got it back!"

"WHAT???"

Story Sources: John Henry - The Steel Driving Man and The Marvelous Exploits of Paul Bunyan

Author's Note: Unlike the previous two stories, the ones I retold this week are relatively unchanged from their originals (minus them being told from the giant's point of view). I figured to reflect the significantly younger nature of these two stories and the fact that they were put to paper around the time they arose (or arose originally in print in the case of Paul Bunyan) I would have them stay about the same. That's not to mention John Henry and Paul Bunyan are both heroes (of sorts) so there's no need to change things around to make them a bit more likeable like with Goliath and Antaeus.

The biggest change I did make was to John Henry's story. As many of you may know, in the original tale he dies after beating the steam drill. In my version he just collapses. I also gave him a rotator cuff injury because my own chronic shoulder injury was acting up at the time I wrote this, and I gave him fractured forearms because at the end of a long day of hammering in fence posts, chopping down trees, or digging in Texas clay I really do feel like my forearms are broken (I know they couldn't be though because I have been blessed with a greater bone mineral density than 95% of dudes in my age bracket).