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In a sense, Imran's desire to avoid being judged by others was causing him anxiety when he thought about going on dates with women. He'd find himself thinking things like "What if she doesn't reciprocate my feelings?" or "What if I say something stupid?" The problem with this type of thinking is that it causes someone to become more inhibited than before they began thinking about what might happen. And over time this can lead to feeling so anxious you won't even want to try dating in the first place!
So how do you fix this? It all starts by recognizing where most of the shyness comes from: the negative consequences someone attaches to these social situations.
Solutions for Shy or Socially Anxious People
To overcome any type of social anxiety, you need to understand and be able to recognize each part of what we call your "social calculus." The social calculus is a term that means all the different (and often subconscious) thoughts and feelings you attach to interacting with others in certain ways. And as we've explained above, most people become anxious because they're attaching the following feelings onto their interactions with others: fear of rejection; fear of embarrassment; fear of looking bad; etc. These things are what cause them not only to feel shy but also act like it too! They start compensating by behaving in ways that seem "shy," and this reinforces the idea that they're shy in the first place.
To get out of this cycle, you need to change how you think and feel about socializing with others. This means focusing more on taking actions than on waiting for your BIS to go off before moving into action. Remembe r, the BIS is an innate fear response system that's built into everyone—shy people are just experiencing more of it because they're thinking about what might happen.