These are Jokes. Please laugh.
Why are online talks so hard to follow?
Too many speakers. Every device has one.
I Wick rotated a device. It became an Apple device.
I translated an essay in various languages. The names of places remained intact. They had the translational symmetry
Why did physicists make bad carpenters.
Given planck's constant, they could never modify it.
I was plotting a figure and saw Einstein's image hovering around.
He was a legend.
Where can fermions mate freely?
Fock space.
Why are cond-mat people so optimistic.
We always say the lattice is half-filled.
How did the two field theories quarrel?
FT1: I can't agree with your terms at all. FT2: Of course you can't. You are so mean.
Wierd journey. My train waited sometimes; sometimes moved. Afterall, it didn't commute.
Tepsodent. Polgate. Glose-up. Don't trust them. They are all copy-paste.
I swirled my icy drink and created the most exotic phase of matter.
Spin liquid + spin ice + spin glass
Why did the court arrest a paramagnet?
The court said -- "order order", paramagnet refused.
How did Pakistan's Nobel Laureate physicist Abdus Salam respond to greetings?
Yes, that's me. Is that it?
Packed show; So, i parked at a wrong spot. Got the ticket.
I crushed a grape. It started wining.
My phone was showing "Battery low". So I placed it on top of the cupboard.
It worked. Can't see the notification any more.
Two people fell in love as they were sharing Gems candy. What do you call their relationship?
Bond, Gems Bond.
Why did the programmer get a huge telephone bill?
Because his program was CALLING a lot of subroutines.
Press coverage
"We were playing criss cross. I chose cross."
Jesus
"The joke was so funny, i started running (the code)."
Monte Python
". .. .... .... .. .. .. .. ... .. "
The Telegraph