It seems that the challenges of being an adult with ADHD is often overlooked. The majority of us have lived with it so long we have subconsciously developed strategies that mean we don’t regularly consider them as challenging. In fact we tend to utterly ignore them which on a day to day basis is unimportant, however being more aware of just how your ADHD brain has adapted to keep you functioning is crucial in keeping you happy and healthy.
Allow me to use myself as an example, and I’m going to use terrible visual analogies. My aim is to try and get those of you with ADHD brains (and maybe those without) to think a little differently about how they work.
I’m not going to talk about all of the strategies I had come up with over three decades or so. Maybe I might discuss that at some other point, but for now I want to talk about how the ADHD had a direct and significant impact on pushing me towards and beyond unmanageable anxiety. To do this I am going to use the image of a glass bowl to illustrate it.
Let me broaden this for you, if I was to say that we all have a ‘bowl’ of some sort that we use to keep our tasks in and we are responsible for managing them. When we start a task we drop it into the bowl when we complete a task we take it out and at some point in our day we put the bowl down and rest from having carried it around.
My bowl, well it was glass, in fact it still is. I happily filled it with tasks, problematically it wasn’t just my tasks, if anyone was to ask me to help them, well there was space in my bowl, if anyone had an additional task they wanted me to do, in the bowl it went, ultimately my bowl was full and kept filling.
The main problem for my ADHD brain was that my rather than a bowl in which you could see a couple of tasks at the top because of my glass bowl I could see them all, at once, all of the time. When I took a task out I would end up rummaging around in the bowl and taking out a handful and putting them back, usually with another couple for good measure.
The fact that it never emptied drove my anxiety, what made it worse was that this bowl never left my hands, whatever I was doing, wherever I was, the bowl was there showing me everything I had to do, and it was getting heavier as it filled and harder to take my eyes off it. If it had just been a full bowl that would be hard but with ADHD mine was glass and I could see everything in it.
I managed to carry on for far longer than I would ever give myself credit for. The only tasks I felt I had control over were the ones that were entirely selfish, that is, those that gave me pleasure and relaxation, so they never made it in.
Whenever and wherever I was, that full glass bowl would stare at me, I’d rummage around it at dinner, driving to work, spending time with my family. It became my sole focus.
Then, one day the bowl became too heavy and it smashed. My focus had been solely on the bowl, it had obscured the health problems that had crept up making it harder to hold but no less easy to fill. It had become so heavy that I couldn’t hold it any more and down it came.
At the time, as much as it seemed a disaster with all of those tasks now scattered on the floor around me, it was a relief. A massive relief, and a wake up call of spectacular proportions.
I stepped back and with the help of professionals, some excellent books and most importantly an immensely patient and supportive wife I was finally able to see myself from the outside.
So what did I do? Well the truth is, my ADHD brain will always be that glass bowl, I can’t change that. But being more aware of that has been so important. What I have changed is what I put into it. I recognised that while I can’t stop myself from being ultra aware of what is in there, I can take more control of what goes in. It took a complete career change, but one that has given me sole control of what goes into the bowl and when.
Now when the bowl starts to get half full I can stop putting things in. I am in control of it now and that bowl, well some weeks it can get quite full, but I know, because I am judging what goes in, that by the weekend it will be either empty or more than manageable. I do still look at it in it’s entirety I’m always hyper-aware of what is in there but it never gets too full. Oh, and sometimes I take things out, that is a big difference. If something is sat there and begins to nag, if it isn’t that important, because it’s my task. I can take it out and put it back in later.
Perhaps the biggest difference is that I now put the bowl down. Not only do I put it down, I put it away and cover it. It doesn’t stay in my hands as I go to sleep, it doesn’t sit with me when I watch rubbish telly at night, it’s never in my hands as I drive and at a weekend it’s on the desk in my office.
How did I do that? Well I remembered what I loved to do, just for me. I love horror stories, writing, and drawing and when I put the bowl down I pick up a pencil or a book. When I drive I put audible on. I have re-read my favourites by HG Wells, Lovecraft, MR James and Jules Verne. I re-bought the Usborne Book of Ghosts that had such an influence on me as a kid, revisited the artwork from War of the Worlds, and the short lived Scream comics. I’ve also started submitting my short ghost stories to a website (where nobody reads them except me but who cares?). I’m too occupied to go looking for the bowl, let alone pick it back up. The brain fog has gone, the anxiety nowhere to be seen and the weight that bowl brought with it has gone.
If you are a adult, with an ADHD brain, if you can, take a moment just to look at that glass bowl you’re holding. If you can’t put it down right now hold it at arm’s length and ask yourself, who is in control of your bowl?
One of the things about not getting diagnosed till you’re an adult and then subsequently ignoring your diagnosis is that you compound your terrible ADHD habits and assume that everyone is just like you. The truth is that they aren’t. The stuff you’re doing isn’t what the person next to you is doing, well it might be but for the sake of this let’s say it isn’t.
Having ADHD and going shopping is a minefield. Not an especially dangerous one. In fact the term minefield is a bit misleading, more of a nettle patch to a naturist. I think I should separate the two types of shopping I mean, the quick pop in for an item or two and the ‘big shop’.
The former can be the most treacherous as more often than not there will be a couple of things. Problem is, when you have a whole shop filled with interesting items you have a whole world of tangents you can disappear off in. So for example, if I need to go in for some carrots, bread and dog food I only need three items but I have to walk around most of the shop. This kicks up many problems, if I use my nearest supermarket as an example. As soon as I walk in I am confronted by the stationary. Now this to many may not be of interest but to me this creates a set of different scenarios in my brain.
“Those pencils are nice, mine are running down, maybe I should get them now just in case. Oh hang on, didn’t I need another pencil case for those new stencils I picked up the other day….”
Straight away those three original three items are now fighting for prominence, but this then continues aisle by aisle and it is a battle to stay focused on the few things I was looking for. It is highly likely that if I went in for five things I might come out with four, or worse come out with ten, but only four of them are on the original list.
So what are my strategies? Let me be honest, they are anything but foolproof. The first is to make a list, it is a good strategy and can be used as a check at the end but it does not prevent the inevitable distractions. The second is the “Sesame Street” method. This title will probably only make sense to those of you who grew up in the 1980s but it’s out there on YouTube. There was a little girl whose mother asks her to go to the shop to buy a ‘container of milk, a loaf of bread and a stick of butter’ which she then repeats all the way to the shop. I still do this to keep focus and along with a list I can usually remember to get everything. I also often use a smaller shop if it’s just a couple of things, less opportunities for distraction.
The big shop is often easier. Largely because I will need something from most aisles and therefore my focus stays that little bit more solidly though to do this I make sure my list is very clearly structured into specific groups such as fruit and veg, bread, tins etc. This means I’m not jumping around the list, or the shop and gives me a better chance of getting everything. It is also critical that I cross items off or delete them, if not it’s an opportunity for self doubt, distraction and forgetting things on the list.
My biggest challenge is B and M bargains. As a private tutor who also runs Maths clubs for kids I have to nip into this kind of general discount shop for resources. Of all of them B and M is the hardest to manage. When I walk in I suddenly become Doctor Strange investigating every outcome in the multiverse. There are so many useful things that I can rationalise a use for and that mental working through is constant all the way round. I can often walk out with things I have little need for but there is a long term plan for it as it is in the one outcome where I can defeat Thanos. The same strategies can be used but are more often than not less effective.
The truth is shopping is mildly problematic, but not crippling or life altering. What is most important, as ever, is just being aware of your brain. Have strategies and accept they aren’t always going to work.
Finally, and most frustrating of all shopping experiences, is online. This avenue is problematic for a very different reason. I haven’t conquered it, and as of yet I don’t have a satisfactory strategy other than self regulation and even that can be subverted far too easily. Even before the advent of Amazon Prime it was an area of concern. Something would appear in my mind, a quick search on eBay and without a thought a month or so later a completely useless item would appear at my door (or more irritatingly at the post office collection centre). A great example of this, as my wife so regularly reminds me is the ‘foot hammock’. One comment that my wife’s desk was uncomfortable to work at and I was off. Eventually I discovered this amazing product, a panacea for office based discomfort. As you can imagine it was absolute rubbish. For a start it didn’t fit the desk and on reflection it wouldn’t work for anyone over 4ft tall. Our house was filled with, for want of a better phrase, useless plastic tat.
The advent of Amazon Prime and one click purchasing changed the situation and for the ADHD brain it is a real problem. Think you might make scented candles? Click, a bag of wax is there next day. Problem is that now you want to read that autobiography of the former manager of the St Ives branch of Our Price Records that you heard mentioned on the radio this morning and the wax has been put on the same shelf as the harmonica you bought earlier in the week. It takes a lot of self regulation (and removal of one-click purchasing!) but is a balancing act between the convenience of the app and the hectic nature of an ADHD brain.
Ultimately this is one small part of the experience, and not one that is Earth shattering but if you live with someone with ADHD and they bring home a paddling pool and a basket of pegs don’t be too critical!
The IOC have announced that from 2036 all competitors at the Summer Olympic Games will have to reach athletic standards. Regardless of discipline everyone will have to prove they are an ‘Olympian’ by running and swimming 1500 m. There will not be a time limit but all must demonstrate this before being allowed to compete.
This has sent the BOA committee into emergency action planning and of the strategies proposed the most favoured is going to lead to huge changes in how training for Olympic events will be delivered and supported. The new plans will mean that every member of Team GB will not only have to be able to run the 1500 m, they will have to do so within a time limit of 6 minutes. Similarly the time limit set for the 1500m freestyle swim is a difficult 17 minutes. To ensure the best outcomes there are drastic restructuring plans in store which will change the face of UK sport.
In order to reach these targets all potential competitors will be expected to give 30% of their training time to running and a further 30% to swimming. This has thrown a new challenge to the already stretched coaching community as it is estimated that in order to facilitate this an additional 4000 coaches in each area will be required and they just don’t exist.
Speaking to an anonymous source the scale of the change is staggering.
“Can you imagine a young hammer thrower being told that instead of training to throw the hammer 60% of their training is going to be running, for heavens sake this applies to the equestrians and bowlers. There are great Olympians who just aren’t built for these disciplines. I can’t imagine they will persevere.”
Fears of the death of many popular sports as events Team GB can realistically provide Olympic competitors for are great. If these plans move forward it could end the ambitions of many potential heroes and see the halcyon days at the top of the medal table gone.
This is of course absolutely untrue and only an utterly perverse mind would contemplate such a ludicrous idea. In fact the outrage this would cause would see it overturned within seconds of the proposals being made public. The problem is, this is exactly how our education system is set up and nobody bats an eyelid.
Every child is expected to achieve levels of Maths and English way beyond those that are necessary for a successful life. In order to reach these levels they are committed to over half their school time to hit unnecessary targets that are beyond many of their natural capabilities. It is unsurprising that many lose motivation and give up on their broader ambitions as they are forced to focus on something they don’t really see any benefit from.
Imagine the crack shot air pistol star told they can’t go to the range until they’ve done four laps of the track and completed 10 lengths of the pool. There would be undoubtedly a little resistance and dissent. Are we surprised behaviour is becoming more challenging in the classroom.
How can you ever wish to have a well functioning economy when you exclude huge amounts of the potential workforce? Change is long overdue but will not happen without a brave Education Secretary. To date there has not been one.