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There is an unusually high concentration of gay or lesbian workers in certain occupations. For example, both gay men and lesbians and are overrepresented in psychology, law, social work, and university teaching. And there are real occupational patterns behind some popular stereotypes, from the gay flight attendant to the lesbian truck driver.

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Adding to the confusion about what causes lesbianism is the slipperiness of female sexuality itself. Unlike men, who are usually sexually oriented solely toward men or women, and whose sexuality is essentially fixed from puberty on, a decade of research by the University of Utah psychologist Lisa Diamond and others demonstrates that women have greater "erotic plasticity." Their sexual orientation can be shaped by cultural influences, altered by positive or negative experiences and intensified by feelings of love or attachment. Women are far more likely than men to "report remarkably late and abrupt onset of same-sex sexuality, often after heterosexual marriage," Diamond wrote in January in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Interestingly, it works in two different directions: most studies show a wage penalty for gay men but a wage premium for lesbian women compared with their heterosexual counterparts. One analysis of 32 studies from several countries found that on average, gay men earned 11% less than heterosexual men, while lesbian women earned 9% more than heterosexual women. Studies and surveys have also shown a negative wage gap for bisexual and also for transgender people, though the evidence is much more limited, particularly for transgender people.

I too would, over the years, develop more flexible feelings in so feeling, which is why I continued to participate in a culture I never quite felt welcome in yet desperately sought validation from. This is something I'd already been thinking a lot about since quarantine began four months ago. The pandemic essentially shut down all of social gay culture, relieving me of pressures to participate in it. Gay bars were shuttered and, unless you were being a horribly irresponsible person, Grindr was no more. I started wondering: did I even enjoy Grindr and the hours I would regularly put into it seeking out casual sex I usually also did not enjoy? When was the last time I actually had a good time at gay bar full of people I have definitely spoken to on social media or apps but who act like I'm completely insane when I smile or say hello in person? It suddenly all felt like such a grand waste of a whole lot of time.

In English, there are "commonly accepted" stereotypes for how gay people sometimes speak. Are there corresponding characteristics to how gay Japanese people speak, either specific words, phrases, or constructs; or in how certain sounds are inflected?

I will say that some of this is just borrowing trouble. Your friend is definitely interested in spending time with you, seems to like you, and has even considered dating you. But she hasn't actually agreed to date you. Her "not yet" may mean "not ever." That's one of those tricky things, because on the one hand it's good to take people at their word. But on the other, women are usually socialized to give "soft no's" when turning down dates, and "not yet" could very well be one of those no's. If the two of you are friends, she may also not want to jeopardize your friendship by turning you down directly. If that turns out to be the case, it's important to check with yourself to make sure you're okay having a platonic relationship with her, rather than a relationship where you're technically friends but you are always secretly hoping to be more than that.

But, there's an equal chance that she is interested in dating you, and is just not in the place to be dating anyone right now. If that's the case, and she does approach you in a few months and wants to date, I encourage you to take the chance and see where a romantic relationship with her goes. It may be that you two find that you're a good fit. Maybe you'll discover that you make better friends than partners. Or you may find that dating girls, even super awesome rad girls, is not for you. As long as you're open with each other and willing to be true to yourself (whatever that self may be), this will be a relationship worth exploring.

The gayest job, by some margin, is airline cabin crew, with as many as one in seven gay employees. Gleaned from my many years of plane travel, not to mention a disastrous job interview open day I attended at Heathrow for prospective BA stewards in my twenties, at which I turned up in a state at which the Hurricane himself might have blushed, the only shock was that the percentage was so small.

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