17 Months
Andy Poo
Inspired by the ‘17 Months’ emails by Andy Poo and Stair Case
“Take a look at this,” Stefanie’s lawyer says, pointing to a screen in the courtroom.
There it is. The first email. Up on display for everyone in this room to see.
It’s been seventeen months since you left. I don’t know why you left or where you went too, but we miss you. Your absence has been hard on Rupert, and I can’t say it’s been easy on me either. I hope you’ll come home soon.
The window was left open last night, despite the sticky note I had stuck onto my mirror reminding me to close it. The apartment is cold, yet, it doesn’t bother me. I close the window, crawl into a hoodie and melt onto the couch. Today, I’m leaving the apartment. Risky.
Sometimes, I forget I have free will. I don’t have to have the same breakfast every day, yet I do. My life has felt simulated since I bought this apartment three years ago. Leaving the apartment feels like the developers added a bunch of new levels to my life. But, I'm too lazy to play the game. I also don’t believe people exist: eight billion critters wandering about in their own simulations? There’s no way. People only exist once I’ve interacted with them.
Like clockwork, I clean up, switch off the lights, grab the keys and leave. I slip into my Hyundai Sonata in the parking lot and start driving. 4 PM on a Saturday in San Diego feels calm, and not too hectic since nobody has to be anywhere at a certain time. After around fifteen minutes of cruising, I park outside of Polka’s, a bar. As I’m walking in, Al, the owner, greets me.
“It’s 4:15 on Saturday, Andy. Life isn’t that hard,” Al chuckles. I respond with a smile. “No, no, jokes aside, Jenkins is in the men’s room. He’ll be out soon, hopefully. That’s his jacket there.”
Al directs me to the stand with Jenkins’s weightless brown leather jacket. “Thanks, Al.”
“Can I getcha anything while we’re waiting?” Al says, as if he’s waiting for Jenkins too.
“Nothing alcoholic. I’m not looking to get drunk today. Ginger ale?”
“Of course,” Al smiles, pleased.
I met Jenkins in my senior year of high school. We had to work on a history project together, which we ended up failing, but hey, I made a pretty good friend. Since then, Jenkins and I have worked on multiple, more important projects together. We have some courses together in university and we like to catch up every once in a while. Today is one of those days.
Al hands me my ginger ale. I stare out the open windows onto the street, and soon enough, out of the men’s room walks Jenkins.
“Look at that hot guy right there!” Jenkins points at me with his damp hands, proving he washed them. He jumps onto the stool next to mine and squeezes my shoulder. “How ya doing, Andy?”
Jenkins is wearing a red baseball cap, backwards. He’s wearing a tight Kansas City Chiefs jersey, as well as some oversized dark blue jeans . He tries slipping on his jacket, but ends up taking it off since it’s 20 degrees.
“Bored out of my mind, Jenkins,” I reply. “Glad I’m seeing you.”
“Bored in San Diego? Go to the goddamn beach! Man, Seattle is so grey. You’re under-appreciating this place. I was just there for two months with my dad’s side. Having divorced parents is not fun.” Jenkins slams his hand down on the table as if he’s jumping into action. “Al, give me whatever Andy’s got.”
“If you say so,” Al passes Jenkins a ginger ale.
“Ginger ale? You’re boring.”
“Going to a bar in the afternoon on a Saturday is boring, Jenkins.”
“Sorry, buddy. Only time I could meet up. I’m driving up to LA tonight, crashing at Gary’s then speeding on over to the strip. Then god knows what’ll happen next. It’s summer! I can be boring in September. You’re always welcome to tag along. Anyone is, really. I won’t know half of the people sleeping in my room.”
“It’s February,” I say.
“In San Diego, it’s always summer. Do you want me to ramble on about the snow in Seattle?” Jenkins replies.
“I’d go with you but,” I pause, looking for an excuse. I honestly just don’t want to go, because I like staying at home living my simulated life. “I’m not rich like you.”
“You know how you get rich?” Jenkins grins. I get what he’s implying.
“By making smart choices.”
“GAMBLING!!” Jenkins shouts. I roll my eyes. He’s a little too excited for 4 PM, on a Saturday. “Dude, just tag along. You don’t need any money. I know people. Worst case scenario we end up sleeping in a rental car.”
For a few seconds, I consider it. “I don’t think my parents would want me doing that.”
“Are you still listening to your mommy and daddy? You moved out of their place three years ago! You’re entering your final year of university later this year!” Jenkins pokes my chest. “You’ve got nothing to do until September! You only did one semester this year, all your classes are done, would you seriously just rather eat goldfish crackers in your apartment instead?”
I take a sip of my ginger ale and act like I’m thinking, though my decision has already been formed. I would much rather eat goldfish crackers in my apartment than spend hours in a car with strangers.
“And who knows… you might…” Jenkins raises his eyebrows and smirks. “Meet someone.” Jenkins is taunting me because he knows I’m still a virgin at 22 years old. He knows I’ve only kissed a girl once.
“Man… I don’t know. I’m not like you. Y’know, extroverted. Maybe I’ll get a cat.”
“Old man.”
“Don’t call me that,” I chuckle.
“Then don’t be one,” Jenkins snorts. “Well, if you want to tag along, you’ve got an hour and a half to decide. The moment my sister shows up I am outta here.”
“Your sister?” I ask.
“Yeah. She’s helping me drive to Gary’s. And then Gary is gonna drive me and Stef and whoever else is there to the strip. And I don’t fucking know how I’m getting back, but that's for me to figure out then!”
Subconsciously, I knew Jenkins had a sister. Just like I know he has a mom, dad and a grandmother. Other than that, I don’t know anything about her. Intrigued, I say, “I don’t think I’ve ever met her.”
“What, are you scared to meet new people? Stefanie doesn’t bite. Unless you want her too!” Jenkins laughs so hard he almost chokes on his ginger ale.
“Stefanie,” I think to myself.
“I’m still not used to it being warm outside. It’s fucking Feburary and the shores are packed,” Jenkins says.
“That’s San Diego for you,” I replied.
Over the next few hours, Jenkins and I reminisce about random, inside jokes from senior year and surprise each other with random facts, including but not limited to; “Gillian Street had to live in a dumpster for two months after her family kicked her out for being gay” and “Max Evans was bald, not as a choice, but because he simply could not grow any hair on his head.”
After trotting in and out of Polka’s, I quickly used up my time with Jenkins. It’s 5 o’clock, and in February, that means the sun is gone. Jenkins and I are sitting at the same stool we were at two hours ago, Jenkins bouncing his leg up and down rapidly, and me, playing ‘Block Blast!’ on my phone. My attention is then drawn away from my phone as Jenkins starts speaking.
“That’s Stefanie’s car!’ Jenkins hoots, pointing at the boxy Jeep speeding around in circles in front of the bar. The Jeep eventually comes to a halt, after nearly hitting the windows eighteen times and giving Al a heart attack each time.
Before leaving, I decide I do need a drink. I ask Al to give me his most distracting drink, and he does just that. Before I take a sip, I notice a woman steps down out of the Jeep. She’s only a little shorter than me, and I can’t quite make out her face through the dark. Her beautiful hair starts frolicking through the night breeze, her walk, strong and confident as she approaches the door closer and closer, as if she knows she’s the main character in the simulation.
She pushes the door open and the little bell above makes a small ‘Ding-ding!’ as it swings open and closed.
“STEFANIEEEE!” Jenkins belts.
I’m silent, because I have no other choice but to be. I’m speechless. Stefanie has taken away my breath; I don’t think I’ve seen a more beautiful woman. In all her blaze and glory.
This stupid fucking Jeep is impossible to park, so I’m just going to let it do whatever it wants until it eventually, hopefully, stops. I walk into the bar and I see my brother, Jenkins. He burps my name like I’m one of his ‘bros’. He’s not drunk, because if he were drunk, he would be much louder. I’m surprised he was able to stay sober at a bar. To be fair, it is a Saturday afternoon. Nobody wants to be hungover when it’s actually time to get drunk.
“Los Angeles time!” I smile, stretching out the ‘e’ sound like a teenage girl welcoming her Youtube subscribers back to the vlog. This is when I notice Jenkins’ friend, Andy, is still here. He’s staring right into my eyes, dead silent and holding a drink with two hands in front of his chest like he’s two years old.
“Um, hi.” I wave at him. “Andy.”
I notice he’s got an empty glass in front of him, it is a thick smoothie with a peachy-color.
“What is that?” I ask him, sitting next to him.
“Oh, um a,” Andy stutters. “Fruit- fruit smoothie. Al says it’s his most distracting drink.”
I start laughing. “At a bar?! That’s hilarious. Get me one.”
Andy does just that and orders me one.
Jenkins had told me when we were in Seattle he was meeting up with Andy before going to LA, which is when we planned everything out. By ‘everything’ I mean nothing except deciding that I could be in LA too. I need to find someone to hook up with.
Andy blinks, rapidly and mutters something inaudible back out. I redirect my attention to Jenkins. “Is he coming with us?”
“I don’t know,” Jenkins says in a loud, questioning tone as he slowly turns around to face Andy. “Are you?”
“Um, I- Um.”
We’re all silent, waiting for him to actually say some words. In English.
“I don’t even have any clothes. Or anything.”
“Neither do I, Andy. Last chance!” Jenkins pokes Andy’s cheek.
“Well,” Andy looks like he’s in Sophie’s Choice making this decision. I can tell he’s boring. “Yeah, fuck it, why not.”
“LET’S GOOO!” Jenkins cheers. “What an influence I am!”
I notice Andy is looking at me again. It’s a little weird now. I feel a little awkward.
“Well, Al, I’m going up to your roof,” I say, marching towards the stairwell. “Jenkins I know you need to take a piss. So do that, because I am not going to stop at the gas station for you, and I’m not letting you piss in my car. And I don’t know what your situation is Andy, so you do you. We’re leaving in eight minutes. Whoever is in the car is going to Gary’s with me.”
“Please be mindful,” Al says as I walk out of earshot, up the roof.
On the roof, I stare out into San Diego and watch the remaining sunlight seeping over the horizon disappear. I look like I’m smoking, but I’m actually just having a lollipop. Don’t judge me, they taste good. Minutes pass, more lights flicker on in the distance and as I’m about to leave, I’m interrupted by Andy, who has somehow appeared on the roof next to me.
“Um, we’re-” Andy stutters. “We’re gonna go now.”
I check the time, “There’s still forty-three seconds left.”
Andy sort of just stands there. “Okay.”
Then I brush past him and walk back down to the bar. “You better get in the car before we leave if you’re coming,” I tell him.
Jenkins is sitting in the back of the car and Andy stumbles in next to him. I whip out my phone and punch in ‘Gary’s Place’. I have it saved from the last time we went.
The headlights are blinding the open road. My sister, Stefanie, is driving me and my friend, Andy to Gary’s place. I met Gary a few months ago before I left for Seattle. He was the guy who rented me the car I took. I had his number in case I needed to know anything about the car and, I don’t know, we just sort’ve became good buddies. Gary lives in Los Angeles, and he’s taking me to the Vegas Strip after. He’s 42, so he gives us good life lessons. Does he give off creepy uncle vibes? Yes, but his fun, joyful personality overshadows that.
The trip from San Diego to LA is two hours. Stefanie is driving the first half, and I’m driving the second. In the back, Andy and I are either insanely loud or dead silent. After reaching the mid-way point in our drive, Stefanie calls out my name as she stops the car.
“C’mon,” I groan. “You were doing such a great job!”
“Jenkins,” Stefanie gives me a deadly stare.
“Fine. But I’m driving now, so I’m taking a piss first. Be right back.”
“JENKINS!!” Stefanie roars as I frolick off into the trees.
Two minutes later, I retreat to the car, Stefanie still angry and Andy lounging in the back on his phone. Without saying anything, Stefanie shoves the keys in my face and takes my place in the back of the car. I swing open the car door and start speeding down the highway. It’s fine, there’s nobody else on here.
Andy was half asleep by the time we stopped and it was only 6 o’clock. I fear for him. I’m not sure he’s cut out for partying until 3 am every night. I’m not sure what changed his mind, but seconds before we left he suddenly decided he wanted to tag along.
Not much later, we arrive at Gary’s house. He’s standing out front in pajamas, his hair uncombed, he looks like he just woke up. He probably did just wake up. Gary is nocturnal.
“Jenkins! Stefanie! Random dude!” Gary yawns. “Glad you’re here. We’re still waiting on a few other tardy hoes and then we’re off to Vegas!”
“Hi Gary,” I smile, walking up to the front door. “This is Andy. He fell asleep during the car ride here.”
Stefanie holds in some laughter as she says, “He’s awake now!”
Andy smiles and introduces himself to Gary. He seems much more energetic now, but I guess that’s how everyone seems after taking a nap. I follow Stefanie and Andy into the house. I pass some familiar faces, I say ‘hi’ here and there. Everyone else is a stranger. Gary leads us to the living room and says we’re free to explore the fridge. I grab a beer.
I was born in Seattle. I lived there until I was about eight years old, when my parents divorced. I didn’t understand it much at the time. My mother moved to San Diego with me and Stefanie. We went to visit my dad for about three to four months each year. We tried to go during the summer, when it’s warm. But now, Stefanie and I live in San Diego now, in our own apartments. Our dad drives down for Thanksgiving dinner each year and my mother, Stefanie and I drive up for his birthday in early February. That’s why we were just in Seattle.
My dad has a girlfriend. I don’t know much about her, but she seems nice. I think they live together. They didn’t when Stefanie and I lived with him when we were younger, but I think he does now. She was around a lot when we saw him this month.
Stefanie and Andy have disappeared. I’ve got no idea where they’ve gone. I sort of just wander around the house, introduce and re-introduce myself to a bunch of people or acquaintances. Hours pass, music blares, people get drunk, high and fall asleep.
Soon enough, it’s just past midnight, and it’s time to leave for Vegas. Where the fuck are Stefanie and Andy? I ruffle through the house trying to find them. I eventually give up and wait in the car. Half past midnight, they finally show up.
“Jenkins?” Andy walks up to me before we leave for Vegas. “Remember when you said I might… meet someone?”
My eyes open. Wide. Did Andy seriously hook up with somebody at Gary’s?
“Um, yes. Did you- what…” I’m confused.
“Well, um,” Andy pauses. A smile paints over his face. “I’m not a virgin anymore!”
I just had sex with Stefanie. I’m just as surprised as you are. It all started when it was Jenkins’ time to drive the Jeep. I was half asleep when I watched a goddess sit down next to me. I didn’t know what to do. How long should I make eye contact with her? Should I say anything? How can I be sure I’m not dreaming right now? I counted my fingers, and checked the time- everything seemed real. Stefanie was sitting next to me. I eventually drifted back off to sleep.
With only fifteen minutes left in the drive, I’m woken up by Jenkins speeding over a speed bump and I realize my head is on Stefanie’s shoulder. She isn’t looking at me, but she doesn’t look bothered. She’s just silently staring out the window. I panic and lift my head.
“Well look who woke up,” Stefanie whispers, seductively.
I feel dizzy. I got up too fast and Stefanie is scaring me.
“Wha-what?” I ask, confused.
“You fell asleep, sleepyhead.”
“O-oh.”
Stefanie smiles at me. “Have you ever been on a road trip like this before?”
“Um, no.” I glance at Jenkins. His eyes are locked on the road, responsibly.
“Well,” Stefanie pauses. “Road trips are fun. And this one is going to be fun. Vegas is fun. I hope you’re ready to lose all your money. If you lose enough, they’ll comp your room!”
I’m still confused as to why Stefanie was okay with me lying on her shoulder. She’s not disgusted or repulsed. She seems like she enjoyed it.
“You look puzzled, Andy,” Stefanie continues. “That’s cute.”
Stefanie leans closer to me, and at first, I don’t know what’s happening. But then I realize- Stefanie’s going to kiss me. Stefanie gets closer and closer, and soon enough her lips are pressed up against mine. I feel frozen. Time stops. My eyes close and I just try to process what is currently happening. Then, it all ends. Stefanie pulls away, smiles and looks out the window like nothing happened.
I sort of just sat there. The same way I stood when I was on the roof with her.
“Have you never kissed a girl before?” She whips her head around and starts whispering to me. “C’mon, dude.”
I don’t think Jenkins suspects a thing. “Only once.”
Stefanie doesn’t respond to that, she just smiles. I inch closer to her and she takes my hand. For the rest of the ride, we sit in silence. It’s a nice, calm silence though, not tense. Ten minutes later, we arrived at Gary’s. I’m introduced to Gary and a few other people as we walk through to the living room. Gary offers me a beer, and I accept. Stefanie gets a little relied-up about Jenkins drinking since he’s driving again in an hour. It’s hot.
Jenkins storms off to another room and Stefanie and I talk.
“You met Jenkins in high school, right?” Stefanie asks me.
“Um, yes. Yeah. We had to work on a history project together. I don’t think I would’ve made any friends if it wasn’t for group projects,” I chuckle. I’m starting to get less nervous. I feel more comfortable around Stefanie.
“Lucky. I’ve had to deal with that asshole for almost 22 years.”
I laugh, a real laugh. Stefanie’s funny. I take another sip of my beer.
“There’s still an hour until we’ve gotta leave,” Stefanie states. “D’you… wanna go upstairs?”
I blink. “Why would we go upstairs?”
“Sex,” she says, casually.
“Oh. I, um- well,” I don’t know what to do.
“You’ve never hooked up with a girl, have you? How boring is your life?”
I feel a little insulted. I feel as if I should apologize for being a virgin. I just shrug at her.
“Andy, c’mon. It’ll be fun. It’s not like I’m going to fall in love with you,” she grimaces. Before I can say anything else, she grabs my wrist in this weird way. Her grip is in between her middle and ring fingers and she hauls me upstairs.
Stefanie tries opening a few locked doors before opening a door to a bedroom. She pulls me in, kicks the door closed with her foot and leaps onto the bed. She asks me to lock it.
“Ready?” she asks me, excited.
“I’ve never done this before,” I stutter. “I mean, I- I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Or what we need to do to prevent… things from happening-”
Stefanie interrupts me with a loud, “BORING!”
I slowly sit down on the bed, next to her. “We’ll figure it out, Andy. This is supposed to be fun. It’s not that serious.” Stefanie throws the blanket into the air and I watch as it slowly falls, elegantly, gracefully, quietly over our stripping bodies.
--
15 minutes later, Stefanie is lying on my chest in the bed. I’m starstruck. I’m happy. I’m sad. I’m angry, confused, delighted, excited, worried, anxious, I feel like everything right now. Stefanie stands up, slowly. Her silhouette against the city lights peeking through the soft fabric curtains and she gets dressed. I inelegantly scramble back into my clothes.
“They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas…” Stefanie says look at me. “It’s a good thing we’re not in Vegas yet,” Stefanie winks.
“What?” I think, looking puzzled.
As if she could read my mind, Stefanie disrupts my confusion. “Andy, that means we’re gonna do this again. I liked that.”
I blink a few times, unable to think straight. Do I have a girlfriend? Is this just a hookup? I’ve never done this before. Stefanie grabs my wrist in that same weird way as she did before. “C’mon, we’re going to be late.”
I gather my thoughts and clear my mind. I met Jenkins in front of the car.
I check the time on my phone- fuck. It’s past midnight. That’s when Jenkins said we needed to be in the car at 12:00 on the dot or else he was leaving without us. I’m only panicking a little bit, I know Jenkins wouldn’t actually leave without me and Andy. He’d be alone in the car on the way to Vegas and Jenkins would hate that. Andy and I hold hands as we find our way to the red car.
“Jenkins?” Andy says, scared. “Remember when you said I might… meet someone?”
Jenkins looks like he was hit by lightning.
“Um, yes. Did you- what…” Jenkins stutters.
“Well, um, I’m not a virgin anymore!” Andy exclaims.
“WHAT?!” Jenkins screams louder than I’ve ever heard. He looks angry, but that anger slowly dissolves into some excitement. “ANDY, MAN! It’s been a long time coming, hasn’t it?”
Jenkins pats Andy on the back, roughly. “So, who’s the lucky gal? I’m jealous,” Jenkins laughs.
“Well, um…” Andy looks over at me. “The thing is-”
I interrupt Andy to save him the pain. “It was me.”
Jenkins doesn’t react. It’s like he didn’t hear what I just said. We stand in silence for a little longer before Jenkins finds some words to say.
“You… you fucked my sister?” Jenkins looks a little offended, but also confused. Andy looked scared. “Stefanie?”
“Don’t get angry, Jenkins. I was the one who initiated this. It was just for fun, we’re not getting married or anything. We just hooked up. Relax!” I explain to Jenkins.
“Alright! Look- I’m not judging man. Do what you wanna do. Let’s just… go to Vegas,” Jenkins seems in a down-ish mood as he hops into the car.
Andy hops in the back and I sit in the front with Jenkins. I whisper over to Jenkins, “Are you okay? Seriously? I promise I’m okay with this. Andy’s a great guy.”
“I’m fine.” Jenkins says, monotone.
Jenkins is acting like he’s my best friend and I just got with her ex-boyfriend. I must have triggered something in his brain that reminded him how lonely he is. Poor Jenkins.
The drive to Vegas from Gary’s is four hours. Jenkins ended blasting music so loud we weren’t able to hear each other. He didn’t skip ‘Someone Like You’ by Adele when it played, he just screamed the lyrics into the sky. Andy and I just… watched him do that. We arrived in Vegas at 5:22 am.
“Do we have somewhere to stay?” Andy says, standing in front of the Las Vegas sign. “What’s our plan?”
“There is none,” Jenkins smiles. “We’ll figure it out as we go along.”
“JENK!” A voice calls out from a car, breaking here beside ours. “Remember that thing in 2005, when you could buy those new $1 coins for a dollar?”
“Sorry, who are you again?” Jenkins calls out to the car.
“Oh, right, sorry.” A man steps out of the car. “Ruth Ford,” the man introduces himself. “We know each other from Uni. You call me Rutherford, like the diagram.”
“RIGHT!” Jenkins exclaims. “Sorry, I couldn’t figure out who you were inside that car. It’s been a few years, R!”
“Anyways, yeah. A lot of people just thought it was a waste, you were just… buying money. You weren’t losing any money since the coins were shipped for free… but if you bought them with a credit card you could get free Air Miles. Gary did this and he has millions.”
“He’s such a smart-ass!” Jenkins smiles.
I decide to but in here. “So, can we use Gary’s Air Miles for a hotel?”
“You betchya,” Rutherford says. “Trail my car, we’ll lead you to the hotel.”
So, we do exactly that. We hop back into the car, but this time I decide to sit with Andy in the back. We haven’t talked much since Gary’s, except for screaming some songs together in the car.
I’ve only known Andy for a day but I can already tell something’s wrong. He’s slumped against the car seat and door. He’s got his feet up furled up on the middle seat and he’s playing some more ‘Block Blast!’ on his phone.
“Andy, are you okay?” I ask, cutting the silence between us.
“Yeah,” he looks up from his phone, before quickly looking back down. “Why?”
“You seem…” I try to find the right way to explain, but I can’t. I can just… sense it. “I don’t know. Off.”
“I’m fine, Stef, just tired.” he replies, his eyes locked on his phone.
I don’t reply. I smile softly, but he doesn’t see it. Jenkins keeps the music off for the seven-minute drive to the hotel. We’re too tired.
We arrive at the Mandalay Bay Beach hotel and check into a two bedroom room. We’ve got a beautiful view of the Strip, but after two minutes of gazing at the lights, we decide going to sleep is better. Jenkins just smirks at us, and without saying a word walks into one of the bedrooms.
“We’re sharing a bed… right?” Andy asks.
“Of course,” I smile, grabbing his wrist and pulling him onto the bed.
“I’m too tired to do anything,” he smiles. “I just want to go to sleep.”
“Not gonna argue with that,” I whisper. I kick off my shoes and fall asleep in the clothes I’ve been wearing all day.
After tossing and turning, Andy and I end up lying down, face-to-face.
“Was that… just a hookup?” he whispers to me. “That’s what you told me before we… you know and that’s what you told Jenkins after.”
“Oh,” I think. That’s why Andy’s been acting like this. He told me this is the first time he’s ever done anything like this, so I don’t blame him.
“Oh, Andy,” I say. “You’re a wonderful, wonderful man. You’ve been so kind to me since you met me at Al’s. You’re not like the other guys I’ve hooked up with… I guess I was expecting you to be.”
He doesn’t say anything. His eyelids start to drift away.
“But… no. That wasn’t just a hookup.” I lift my head up and kiss him.
Andy blushes. “Okay.”
“Wake up, lovebirds,” I say as I kick down the door to Andy and Stef’s room. Only now am I realizing they could’ve been… um… doing something. They weren’t.
“You’re gonna fall in love before I do, Jenk,” Stefanie crawls off the bed and whips a pillow at me. Andy has his face buried in a pillow. I grab the pillow Stefanie whipped at me and whip it down on his ass, which is just gazing at the ceiling.
“WAKE UP ANDY!” I shout in his ear.
“Fuck you, Jenkins,” Andy sits up, grumbly.
“And put on a shirt. We’re going out,” I clarify.
“Where?” Andy asks.
“God knows,” I reply. “Wherever the hell we want.”
At that moment, before Andy can respond, his phone starts ringing. It’s a FaceTime call from his mother.
“Sorry guys,” Andy says, accepting the call. “Hi Mum!”
“Andy, are you in Las Vegas?” Andy’s mother asks, in a southern accent. “Who ya with?”
“How did you know that?” Andy asks into the phone. “And are you tracking me?”
“No darling, I just know. Mother’s instinct. Also, you should tell me when you do stuff like this. Who ya with?”
Andy turns the phone around. “Jenkins and-”
“Who’s the girl?” Andy’s mother asks.
“That’s Stefanie. Jenkins’ sister.”
“Hi-” Stefanie greets herself. “What is your mother's name?”
“Just call her ‘J’, or Ms. J if you’re trying to be fancy.”
“Hi J,” Stefanie smiles.
Andy turns the camera around as his mother says, “Nice to meet you, Stefanie.”
“So, d’you need something, Mum?” Andy asks his mother. “Or…”
“Oh, no. Just wanted to make sure you were safe. And… let me know when you’ve married that Stefanie girl.”
“What?!” Andy says, shocked and scared. “Whaddya mean?!”
“Mother’s instinct, darling.”
“We’re not… I didn’t-” Andy looks up at me. Stefanie shrugs.
“See you later, son.”
Andy’s mother hangs up.
“Well…” Andy processes. He looks over at Stefanie, awkwardly. “Sorry about that.”
“Oh my god guys,” I say, as if I’m bored. “What are we still doing here? Let’s go!”
We all went to bed at 5 in the morning last night, which means we woke up at 4 in the afternoon. Obviously, the hotel breakfast closed well over six hours ago, so for breakfast we wandered around the overpriced restaurants and scattered fast food chains. McDonald’s, and their all-day breakfast is where we end up. Surprisingly, there are a lot of other random people scarfing down eggs and pancakes. I guess we aren’t unique.
5 o’clock rolls around, and the sun slips away under the massive skyscrapers just before 6, when all of the old grandmas and grandpas who have been gambling since 9 AM leave, and the real fun begins.
Rutherford meets us outside a tall series of luxurious buildings. “Jenk!” he calls out, drawing me and the others up to him.
“Boys,” Rutherford says. “And Stefanie,” he adds, opening the door. “Welcome to Caesars Palace.”
The amount of onomatopoeias that played when we entered, buzzing, dining, lights flickering, cheering, sobbing, screaming with anger, or with joy- all of it. It was hectic. And this was only 6:15.
Rutherford leads us over to the bar. “Leave your belongings here,” Rutherford formally says. “And anything you order is under Gary Jolic’s tab. His Air Miles are paying for all this, too, except the restaurants.”
“Thanks Ruth,” I smile. “What are we doing first?”
“ROULETTE,” Andy says, in a smirkishy-evil way. “Always bet red. Always bet even.”
“Oh boy,” Stefanie sighs. “You’re going to lose a lot of money tonight.”
“I’ve decided to be smart and only spend $200. That’s coming out of all the expenses I would’ve been paying at home, y'know, transit, groceries, but Gary’s Air Miles are paying for all that while I’m here so…”
“You know how many starving children you could save with that?” Stefanie laughs, as we start to walk over to the roulette table.
“Oh shut up,” Andy punches Stefanie’s shoulder in a flirty way.
“What is going on here,” I thought to myself. “Are they… flirting over starving children?”
“Also, you’re dumb. You can’t only bet on even and red every time. You gotta switch up, look at what colours and numbers were landed on before, make an educated guess,” Stefanie says, almost bumping into a server since her eyes are locked on Andy’s.
“Nope. Do you like odd numbers? Who likes the number three and seven? They’re such ugly numbers. The gods won’t like them either.”
“I feel left out here, guys,” I but in.
“Jenkins,” Stefanie starts. “Too bad. I’m sure you can find a dealer that’s DTF.”
I roll my eyes because Stefanie is right. Also, spelling out DTF is very millennial of her.
“Ah!” Stefanie exclaims like a pleased mother. “Found the roulette wheel.”
“Lookin’ to make some money tonight?” the dealer smiles. “The wheel’s feeling lucky tonight.” He graciously caresses the side of the roulette wheel, almost sexually.
“No need to lure us in,” I say. “I’m pretty sure this is the only casino game Andy over here knows how to play.”
Andy rolls his eyes. “I also have heard of… poker. And blackjack. Blackjack I think I do.”
“‘Kay Andy. Guessing you’ve never gambled before?” the dealer asks, friendly.
“Correct,” Andy responds.
“Before you place your bets, let’s go over how this works, as much as I’d love to laugh at you all failing miserably and to steal all of your money. “
Andy chuckles. “I’m not that dumb.”
“It’s simple. This ball,” the dealer says, lifting a small white ball. “Is going to land somewhere on this wheel. The wheel has numbered slots that go from 0 to 36, alternating between red and black. You might also notice this green one here,” the dealer points to the ‘00’ green slot on the wheel. “You’re gonna bet on where the ball lands.”
Approving and understanding ambiance arises from our crowd.
“There are a bunch of different bets you can place,” the dealer continues. “You can bet straight-up, on one number. If you win this, you get your wager back and whatever you wagered times 35. So, if you wager $100, you’re leaving with $3600.”
“Wow,” Andy says.
“But again, those odds are 35 to 1. You can bet on two numbers right next to each other, and if the ball lands on either of those you get a wager times 17. Going back to our 100 dollar wager, that you have you leaving with $1800. You can do this up to six in a row.”
Andy has his fist against his chin. He’s thinking.
“Those are inside bets,” the dealer explains. “You’ve also got outside bets. You can bet on red or black, giving you a 50/50 chance. This doubles your wager and gives your original wager back. So if we bet $100, we leave with $300.”
“I like those odds,” Andy smiles.
“You can do this with even or odd and high or low as well. You can mix them up as well, for example, red and odd. That quadruples your money.”
Stefanie is standing next to Andy, listening in closely. She doesn’t gamble as often as I do, so I feel like this refresher is helping her out. Me on the other hand, I’m an expert in all these games. I know all the tricks.
“And you see that green, double ‘O’ I mentioned earlier?” the dealer asks. “Land on that, and the house gets your money.”
“Yikes,” Andy seethes.
“So, those are the basics. Who’s betting first?”
“I’ll show ‘em how this works,” I say.
“Alright boss,” the dealer smiles. “Whatchya thinking?”
“Let’s do…” I think. “Red and odd.”
Andy winces. Then he mutters “Red and even.”
“And how much are you gonna wager?”
I pull out 50 bucks in chips. “50,” I say, slamming the chips down on the mat.
The dealer quickly adjusts the placement of the chips and then says, “Here we go!”
I watch as the ball spins around and around the wheel. It starts speeding around the wheel, only taking a few seconds to make a full orbit, before it graciously starts slowing down, slower, and slower until finally it comes to a stop.
“Red 12!” the dealer exclaims. “That’s 50 bucks!”
“HAHA!” I smile. “See Andy. This is how you get rich!”
Andy rolls his eyes. “Would’ve been more if you bet red and even!”
“Alright Andy, your turn,” I say to Andy.
Jenkins just doubled his money, and now it’s my turn.
“What’re you thinking, boss?” the dealer repeats what he asked Jenkins to me.
I bet the same as Jenkins, 50 bucks and with one deviation; red and even.
“You can’t do that!” Jenkins slaps my shoulder. “It just landed on red and even! You gotta do black and odd now!”
“Didn’t you have to repeat a year of high school?” I smirk at Jenkins, making sure that the dealer could hear.
“Damn,” the dealer says, stretching out the word. “Red and even, that’s your final bet?”
“Here we go!” the dealer places the ball on the wheel and spins it. We all watch again as the wheel slowly spirals its way down onto a slot.
“Red 24!” we all scream in unison. “That’s 150!” the dealer smiles at me, handing me back my 50 dollars with an additional 150 dollars.
“This is addicting,” I mutter to myself.
“My turn!” Stefanie says, explaining to the dealer what she’d like to bet.
Eventually, we lost track of time. We trotted around the casino, checking out different games, watching people lose their entire life savings, laughing at them, only then for Jenkins to lose 400 dollars culminating from various slot machines. We decide to get something to eat.
We waddle around until we find the first place where you’re able to order some food and sit down. I’m starving. The three of us slide into a round banquet and pick up the menus which were lying on the table.
“Holy shit,” Jenkins gawks at the menu. “Everything here is so fucking expensive…”
“Well why don’t we just use some of that money you won,” Stefanie teases.
Jenkins rolls his eyes. “This restaurant is going to drain our bank accounts more than the casino did,” he says.
“Well, I’m starving,” I say. “I wouldn’t mind just leaving to go eat at some cheap place fifteen minutes from here.”
“That’s true,” Stefanie says. “We don’t have to eat here.”
“Alright, let’s find Rutherford and tell him we’re getting out of here. He has all of our stuff in a locker somewhere so we just need him to give us the code. We can always come back,” Jenkins says.
Just as we’re about to leave, a waiter approaches us. “My name’s Sally, I’ll be your waiter for today,” she says. “Can I get you started on anything?”
“Oh, we have to go,” Jenkins says, getting up. “My sister is um,” Jenkins pauses. “Going into labor.”
“WHAT?!” Stefanie whispers.
“Let’s just, go, c’mon,” Jenkins says.
“Oh, okay,” the waiter says, almost as if she was hurt.
We scramble out of the restaurant and make an attempt to find Rutherford. Jenkins didn’t get his number, so finding him in this massive room was nearly impossible. We ask around if anyone’s heard of Ruth, but nobody has. Until, we bump into him talking to a security guard.
“Ruth!” Jenkins calls out.
“Hey, Jenk!” Rutherford replies. “Need something? I was just talking to Xavier over here. He’s telling me about all these times people have tried to break out of here with some money. He’s also worked as a bodyguard for some pretty famous people.”
“Hey there,” Xavier smiles.
“Hey,” Jenkins responds. “So, we’re gonna head out. Since Gary’s Air Miles don’t cover the food we’ll just get something from a crappy bar or something.”
“Oh, so soon?” Ruth says. “It’s only 11:30.”
“I’m sure we’ll be back,” Jenkins smiles.
“Alright. I’ll text you the code,” Rutherford says.
Jenkins gives his number to Rutherford and gets the code for the locker.
“Thanks!” Jenkins says, walking over to the locker.
We grab our stuff, Jenkins grabs the keys for the car and we head out towards it. We hop in and Jenkins drives us to a random bar. We park outside and wander inside.
“This place is packed,” I sigh.
“Oh c’mon, it’s not that bad,” Stefanie says. We head over to get something to drink.
Jenkins orders some drinks for us.
“Thanks,” he says to the bartender as she hands Jenkins the drinks. Jenkins looks at her for a little while longer before turning around to us. “Here you guys go,” he says, handing the glasses over to us. He turns back around and looks at the bartender who gave him the drinks.
“Um, hey,” Jenkins says to the bartender.
“Hi?” she replies. “Need something?”
“Yeah,” Jenkins replies. “Uh, what’s- what’s your name?”
“Raven,” she replies, with a smile, retreating back into the kitchen.