PART 1: THE POOL

“Alex, you’re falling behind! Move those feet faster.” It was the scream I heard from our swimming team Coach Sam, while I was practicing my breastroke in our training. 

It was 7am in the morning. It was cold. I had yet to eat my breakfast. But I moved my feet faster than I could. 1 minute, 55 seconds was the time it took to complete my 100 meter swim last year. I was just 5 seconds away from a bronze medal. But this year, I promised Coach Sam that everything will change.

After our training, I got out of the pool, got my towel, and walked towards the shower. Coach Sam stopped me, and we had a quick chat. “Alex, I see your improvement. And I like that you’re working harder. Keep it up.” I smiled, and answered “Yes coach. I’ll make you proud.”

I went into the shower room, determined to do my best everyday. I had a heavy feeling inside of me. Was it pressure? Was everything really gonna change? I felt like I was wearing a medal right from there.

In the shower I go. I washed myself, from head to toe. Afterwards, I dressed myself, and went to the mirror. I was alone– enough to have a talk with myself. 

I felt proud about how I’ve been doing lately. I knew my hard work was paying off, little by little. And it seems like my body is looking stronger than ever. Coach Sam says I need good chest strength if I wanna win in the breaststroke category. And it looks like I have a fighting chance to even go for gold.

I got outside of the shower, and saw my teammates were gathered around by the exit. “Alex, get in here quick”. I sprinted towards my team mates, just in time to hear Coach Sam’s final reminders.

“Don’t be late tomorrow for our physical health examination. We need everybody to be there. I’ll meet everyone in the school clinic.”

PART 2: THE EXAM

It was the next day. I was early for our physical exam, enough to be seventh in line. We always do these types of exams before tournaments. Coach Sam said it’s good to keep track of our nutrition, our bodies, and health. For me, it was just another wasted day when we could’ve just trained.

I did my physical exam as usual. I got my physical measurement first. Then, I had my eye and ear tests. All normal. Nothing new. The final step was talking to the doctor. She had the usual questions from the last time we met. But something felt odd. “Aren’t you too young to be lifting weights?” I was confused because I wasn’t. “Weight? I just do the regular swimming training”, I said to her.

She handed me a note with words I had never heard before. They all sounded science-y. Like things only a smart person would know. It said, “See an endocrinologist to rule out gynecomastia.”

I was curious of course. I was shocked too. What was this all about? Was anything wrong? I was worried, and so were my parents when I handed them the note.

PART 3: THE ANSWER

The next day came, and I could feel my parents’ rush. We went to a place called the Center for Gender Health and Wellness. I went inside, and there were a few people. One person was particularly near the door, and he looked quite the same as me. He had a strong chest too, so I figured he might be a good swimmer.

One girl looked really kind. She was maybe the same age as my mom, but she was a lot shorter. She had wide shoulders too, kinda like Coach Sam. Come to think of it, maybe everyone here is a good swimmer?

Another girl was beside her. She was definitely not a good swimmer. She had quite a lot of acne, which must be why she’s here. She was the most welcoming there. She asked me quite a few questions, and I thought her voice was kinda low. I just know she sings jazz really well. My dad likes to put on jazz music on our car rides.

To be honest, it made me feel quite scared to know something was wrong… because why else would I be in this center. But at the same time, it also made me feel better to know I wasn’t so different after all. These other people here were definitely here because they had a strong body too.

I finally had the chance to go inside the doctor’s room. He was very kind too. I didn’t really understand what was going on. He just told me, “Hey Alex. I explained everything well to your mom and dad. I think they’ll talk to you soon about what’s going on.”

I saw him write down something on a paper, the same one I saw during my physical exam in the school clinic. I saw it, and tried my best to memorize it. I knew it was the only answer I was looking for. What was wrong? Why was I here? What’s going on with me?

“Klinefelter syndrome. Klinefelter syndrome. Klinefelter syndrome.” I repeated to myself until I remembered it. 

PART 4: THE REALIZATION

When I got home, I got very confused. Syndrome? That sounded very bad. I’ve heard people get called a syndrome if they’re crazy. I questioned myself if I was crazy. If I was still me. Do people think I look different? What was wrong with how I looked?

Nothing had felt worse than looking different. I felt different. And I didn’t know why. All I know is that I was bigger. I was stronger. Why is that a syndrome?

I was confused. I was lost. I was different.

We got home, and my parents went to me. They still looked worried, which made me scared even more. Dad said, “Alex. We wanna tell you something, but I want you to know that you are always our Alex, no matter what.” 

Mom holds my hand, and she says, “Alex, your body is growing in a special way. Other boys may think that you’re different because you don’t look like them. But you’re still the same Alex, no matter what.”

Dad hugs both of us. “Alex, you are intersex. It means your body is unique. I know that you might think that you’re not like other boys, but not all boys are made the same way. The doctors told us that your chest is bigger, and that’s one thing that makes intersex people special. You don’t have to be different. You are who you are. And we’re always going to be here if anyone makes you feel bad about that.”

Mom kissed my forehead as she saw my tear falling. “Alex, how do you feel?”

I felt awkward. I was sad, worried, scared. 

I knew something was changing, but everyone seemed to look at me differently. It’s like something was wrong. I told my parents, “Mom. Dad. I’m feeling confused right now. I’m sorry… I have many questions. Why am I made differently? Am I not normal?”

They both looked at me. Dad answers, “Alex, you are normal. You are loved. Nothing changes because you have always been the Alex that you are.” 

PART 5: ONE OF A KIND

I felt terrible. I really felt like I wasn’t made right. I skipped swimming training the next day… and the next…. and the next… I felt ashamed of being seen by my teammates. What if they think I’m different?

I thought I owed an explanation to Coach Sam because I had finally made up my mind. It was time to quit the team. I needed to hide myself.

The next day, I went to Coach Sam. I told him everything that I knew. To my surprise, he didn’t even look shocked, or scared of me. That was quite a relief to see.

Coach Sam started to talk. “Alex, you are not different. In fact you and I are quite the same. We’re both unique. I am also intersex. My body is also growing in a special way. As you probably learned in Science class, we have private parts that determine who we are. Mine are what people can describe as a mix of different characteristics.”

“You know, I understand why you would feel that way. And I’m here to assure you that you don’t have to do this alone. If you wanna tell others, go ahead. But I hope you don’t forget to love your body. You are talented. You are perfect.”

My teammates came knocking by the gate of the pool. It was 6:50AM and training was about to start. Coach Sam whispered to me “Alex, you get to make your own story. You know yourself better than anyone else.”

I wanted to make my own story. I switched to my swimming gear, and told my teammates about my body. 

They gave me the reassurance that will stick to me forever. Until today, I could hear what they kept telling me. “Alex, being unique doesn’t have to be bad. It could be what makes me, one of a kind.”

I am my body, and my talents, my passions, and my dreams.

I jumped in the water, and everything was the same. The same cold pool in the morning. The same waves that I’ll cross. I have a gold medal to get, one more thing that makes me one of a kind.