This is pretty much how this semester has been. A lot of fleeting moments that I spend so much time cherishing and seeking because no other activity felt right to do. That residue of candle smoke—that quick moment it curved into that shape and shot with a camera at high shutter speed—is a metaphorical still of me stuck at admiring something that has already gone away. 

The zoom sessions, the photography shoots, the random days I decided to study the course materials only to end up hating myself because I can never understand the concepts without trying to apply them first, the hours I spent setting up shots because apparently I can’t stand by my initial take that photography is about appreciating the mundane (more on this later)—these are moments that have vanished in a snap, moments that I stayed frozen reliving because they reminded me of the reasons I chose this path. 

"moments in still, 2025" is my most beloved photo that unfortunately never made the cut in any of the assignments. We shot this in my parents' bedroom with the lights closed. I used a projector to create that spotlight effect on my cousin. I can still remember that day by the second. It was incredibly hot and my cousin was incredibly patient (for the most part). I did a lot of practice shots by myself and they didn't help at all so I had my cousin pose for me a hundred times just so I can get the picture. 

This remains the most memorable day of this term. The other days sort of blur together but the first day I seriously held and shot with a camera? Too meaningful to forget. 

But it reminded me of how much I enjoyed photography. 

There is a sense of fulfillment in setting up the scene, adjusting the camera settings (I only used my phone but it honestly wasn’t all that bad), and just… taking pictures. Dozens of them (my poor storage space). And then deciding I should change the settings once more. And then repeating the process over and over again until I finally get the picture. And then getting that feeling in my chest that I always feel when I'm writing or designing a poster or editing a video. A sense of fulfillment in seeing the flowers bear the fruit of its seed or whatever the saying is. 

Looking back at the pictures that I took, I actually did a pretty good job upholding this goal. I thought I would be too ambitious and end up like Icarus with melted wings and broken dreams—a trimester conclusion that I am not unfamiliar with. But my pictures showed exactly my taste and style: unconventional (like how I used elongated shadows to portray the height theme), conceptual (like how there’s always a story in every shot, one that would not require the audience to look at the photo description), and whimsical (this is just a touch of Bee that I always like adding no matter what :P). I have a solid identity that I can always depend on whenever I feel lost. My biggest fear in this class, or any production class for that matter, is to (I'm sorry for the word) half-ass my outputs and end up being boring. That goes against my principles as an artist. Few of my classes before MMS 173, I went against my principles because I settled on surviving and not thriving. 

Mi scintilla means my little spark—which is something that I have been chasing for months now. It bursts out randomly and then disappears whenever it deems so. I have been struggling to have that constant source of spark. But every time I hold a camera, every time I mentally plan a vision board for my assignments, every time I scroll through my previous pictures—I get that spark. And, oh, that fuels me. More than any energy drink can possibly do. Thriving becomes more tempting than surviving. 

Of course, it goes without saying that my journey could have gone better. This applies to every single aspect of a person's life. We are doomed to never experience contentment. What I wish I did better, specifically for MMS 173, was participation. I wish I attended the F2F classes. I wish I posted in the discussion forums. I wish I got more involved. Despite this, though, I did notice a sense of community in MMS 173. Some classmates share their photos in the group chat and ask for the others' opinion. I find it heartwarming because it is such a casual setting where people are comfortable enough to ask for help and give help back. The discussion forums, whenever I do visit them, feel a bit too formal and intimidating. I'm glad we have a group chat for casual feedback. 

Another enemy of mine: compositions. It's embarrassing to admit this because we're already at the end of this term but I still don't get the hang of compositions. I do rely on the rule of thirds whenever I shoot, but sometimes I ignore the grid because I get carried away. Golden rule? I don't know her. Golden spiral? I don't know her. What I would love to practice someday (and have been wanting to practice ever since I first found out about it) is the frame within a frame composition. 

These are two screenshots from visual media that depict frame within a frame composition. I originally wanted to recreate the first picture at a flower field I stumbled upon last year, but it was too much of a hassle to travel so I just shot all my pictures at home (I'm still happy with the results). The second picture was just sooooo stunning that I couldn't help taking my phone out while I was watching it in the cinema.

As soon as I'm finished with my last deadline of the semester, I might finally do a frame within a frame. I might do it at home because we have a tiny window here that I've always wanted to shoot.