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...will there be a next one?
MMS 172
Closing Blog
All the stress with recording and adjusting the microphone just to get that perfect angle and perfect gain—finally done.
All the cursing at the cars and airplanes and motorcycles that conveniently, aggressively, speed up whenever I hit record—finally done.
All the frustration with mixing and mastering and asking why can't my tracks just sound exactly like how I want them to sound?—finally done.
What a satisfying end to an otherwise chaotic run. My timetable was left ignored; I basically YOLO-ed my way through this course and somehow ended up being proud of myself. (Is that a testament to the kind of person that I am? I'd rather not say.)
Prior to enrollment, I had two goals in mind:
make myself proud
&
pass/finish MMS 172 so I can finally graduate
As I was uploading track samples to SoundCloud, I came across my Assignment 1 from last year, when I was taking MMS 172 for the first time. It was two short clips that were, as expected, terrible in quality. It wasn't meant to be excellent because it was only supposed to show where we currently stand and how we're going to surpass that level—basically the Knowing Where You're At assignment from MMS 173 last term.
I didn't care that there was a bunch of noise or that my voice wasn't crisp enough. What bothered me was hearing myself talk. Oh, I was so miserable. Misery was pouring out of every syllable. It was very obvious that I just wanted to get the recording over with as soon as possible. I very clearly wasn't looking forward to audio production.
I might have even hated it just a little bit.
As an artist, the greatest crime I can ever commit to myself is not at least trying to maximize my full potential. You would never catch me submitting something just for the sake of submitting. No, every submission must always be some kind of statement, an art piece to be kept in a museum and be talked about in history books, a protest to whatever I'm fighting against, an advocacy to something I'm fighting for, a love letter to previous versions of myself.
...but audio felt different, at least in the very beginning. I genuinely just wanted to get it over with. It was one of those courses that I needed to take, not wanted.
And so came my surprise when I managed to lock in.
Get in the zone. Be so committed and invested enough in the craft that I actually had about 20 tabs open about recording and mixing. Invested enough that I actually spent a lot of nights adjusting every knob in Reaper, trying very hard to record as much of my voice and reduce as much of the background noise, even practicing how I should deliver some of the lines in my script (which was hard to not cringe at but I eventually got over it).
There was a shift in mindset. I don't know how and I don't know when but, like some kind of magical intervention, I let go of shame and learned to trust in myself. I'm proud not just because of my project (I always knew I was going to pull it off) but because of how much I trusted myself during production. I didn't think I was a phony trying things out even when they're not meant for me. I didn't think I was just setting myself up for failure. Not once did I think that I should just drop this course again—my default reaction to feeling overwhelmed.
I'm proud of that. I'm proud of trying, I'm proud of embracing failure, I'm proud of learning. Perhaps I'm just too idealistic to drown in shame and doubt so I'm glad I pushed my limits for this course. There are still a bunch of stuff I wish I should have done. But the future is yet to be written, so what's the point in thinking of what-could-have-been's? I should just focus on what-can-be's. What can be is a career in audio production.
But do I see audio production in my future?
As much as I enjoyed the course, it's not really something that's calling to me. If I were on a production team, I wouldn't exactly volunteer to be the sound guy. Will I ever apply the learnings I got from this course? Definitely. In fact, I don't think I'd ever have the choice. It's both a curse and a blessing to enroll in this course because I will never be able to remember what it's like to hear so freely.
Months ago, my penpal asked me if there were any daily multimedia-related events that I now overanalyze because of my new knowledge and experiences in the field. I thought of the basic answers like whether a website fits the guidelines for web accessibility, is this infographic following the proper hierarchy of visual elements, and even thinking how difficult a game must have been programmed because of all the things I can do in it.
Recently a new answer surfaced and that is clean audio.
I realized that in watching videos I became more aware of their audio quality. Of course, in podcasts, you'd expect for them to have good quality audio. But in videos like casual vlogs, TV shows, and even movies, it's very obvious when someone's recording with a trained ear. It's very pleasing to the ears.
Now, I just point out things like noise and frequency and echoes and whatnotes. Now, I just stupidly applaud sounds that seem normal to people but for me I vastly appreciate how well they were recorded and mixed. Small things I will bring wherever, whenever, but not honestly not big enough to carry me to the sound department of a production team.
looking back...
I had very few expections coming into this course. I can confidently say that I met all of them. The very essence of my expections, I believe, was audacity (pun intended). I needed the audacity to try. I needed the audacity to reach my goals. No more spending time in a hole hating myself for not being as good as my peers. No more spending energy on silly things like not being perfect immediately on the first try.
I embrace failure and welcome growth that comes with it.
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