Sebastian Oliva and Thomas Nomura: Lessons in Silence

Posted May 7, 2025

It was Fall 2023, and we were both first-year students in the Global Scholars Program, entering our initial dialogue session in our residence hall's cozy but unfamiliar room, 2175. The furniture was arranged in a circle and we quietly took seats among fellow students, some we recognized, others we had yet to meet. Posted on the famous laminated sheets were the familiar guidelines: confidentiality, respect, and openness. Our facilitator gently began the session, reminding us to embrace silence as a meaningful part of our conversation.

That day’s topic was race, nationality, and belonging. After a few thoughtful responses, a student sitting across from us hesitated briefly before sharing. Her voice trembled slightly as she recounted personal struggles with identity, her accent, and the painful isolation she'd experienced since moving to the U.S. When she finished, the room fell completely silent. It wasn't the awkward silence of uncertainty; it was heavy, contemplative, and emotional.

As the silence lingered, I [Sebastian] felt increasingly anxious. Coming from a Latino-Jamaican household, my upbringing had always been marked by energetic debates, overlapping conversations, and passionate laughter. Silence, for me, was unsettling. I glanced nervously around the room, my fingers tapping gently against my leg, instinctively looking for someone to say something to fill this gap.

Yet, beside me, my co-author Thomas seemed entirely comfortable, eyes gently lowered in thought. Growing up in a mixed Japanese-American household, shared silence was commonly valued and respected. To him, silence wasn't something to rush past but an invitation for introspection, reflection, and genuine empathy.

Thomas recalls feeling a different type of uncertainty as the dialogue began. Despite being accustomed to silence at home, the structured nature of GSP dialogues initially sparked a quiet apprehension within him. Thomas wondered how others might perceive his natural quietness—would they misinterpret his silence as disinterest or aloofness? However, as the session unfolded, he realized this dialogue space genuinely valued silence, allowing him to feel authentically himself. This initial positive experience inspired Thomas to continue participating in GSP, as he recognized the unique value these structured conversations held in fostering meaningful connections and deeper understanding among peers. Inspired by that session and others, I [Sebastian] decided by Winter 2025 to become a Dialogue Facilitator. Thomas chose to remain a participant, comfortable with his quieter role. Even after months of attending dialogues, the idea of leading one made me uneasy, particularly because of those daunting moments of silence. During facilitator training, however, my understanding of silence transformed dramatically. We learned silence wasn’t just unavoidable—it was an essential part of dialogue, deliberately creating space for participants to reflect deeply and feel heard.

My first facilitation session eventually came, and I nervously began the discussion, guiding us through challenging topics of social activism and climate change. Inevitably, the conversation again paused into silence. Remembering my training and Thomas’s calm example, I resisted my urge to immediately jump in. I let the silence settle, feeling my heart rate slow down as I embraced the discomfort. As seconds passed, something remarkable happened: people began sharing again, this time more deeply, more honestly, more vulnerably. Their words carried greater weight because they'd had time to process their thoughts fully.

Throughout subsequent GSP experiences, Thomas continued observing the benefits of silence. Yet he noticed that while structured dialogues naturally accommodated and honored silence, informal settings and social events often presented challenges. Casual conversations usually lacked patience for pauses, making meaningful silences rare. Despite this, Thomas found himself consciously bringing moments of reflective silence into everyday interactions, understanding its potential to enrich conversations even outside structured dialogues.

Reflecting on our experiences, we hope future GSP students approach dialogues with openness, especially during moments that initially seem uncomfortable or tedious. Silence, as we've both learned, is more than empty space—it's a bridge to deeper understanding and genuine connection. It teaches patience and empathy, pushing us gently toward self-reflection. We encourage incoming students to view silence not as a sign of stagnation but as a valuable part of dialogue, essential to genuine reflection and communication. Embracing structured dialogues with patience and humility helps cultivate essential life skills that extend beyond academia and into lifelong intercultural engagement.

Our shared aspiration for the GSP community is simple yet powerful: continue honoring dialogues and their quiet moments as foundational to growth, empathy, and meaningful human connection. Allow silence the space it deserves, because sometimes the most profound lessons arrive without words at all