I have loved clowns for as long as I can recall. When I was young I loved to go to the circus and watch the clowns. Full of whimsy and amusement, as soon as I was able to recognize that not everyone enjoyed clowns I felt that it was unfair to them. I did and still do hold the opinion that clowns are unfairly disliked, and that having a “fear” of clowns is more of a trend than an actual phobia and is largely because of movies involving scary clowns. But because I want to maintain an air of objectivity I shall include ratings of the clowns I have met as well.
During my adult life, I have met a number of clowns and I am able to recount time with four of them. Three of which I met together and rather unexpectedly.
I was headed south for a training being held at a religious institution of some kind that I was told was called “the Jesuit institute” the address of which had been sent out and put into a GPS. This place took a full day of driving for me to get to and was deep in the mountains of West Virginia. As the vehicle crawled up the mountain I saw what one would expect, the forest opening to fields and interesting buildings spread throughout the property, looking both professional and inexpensively crafted. It was only after my car was deep into the campus I was a great pink bus with polka-dots painted on the sides and a logo that read “Gesundheit Institute” and it was just a short time after, that I found out this was in fact a clown commune.
The commune, as it turns out, was started by Patch Adams in an attempt to build a hospital that was never completed. Patch Adams was a notable clown doctor who had a movie made about his life starring Robin Williams.
While there I met the first clown on my list, Lars Adams, the son of Patch Adams. He was such a colorful individual. Everything about him made sense on a clown. All that he wore was bright and fun, he constantly made jokes, acted out Characters, and had filled the bus with clothes for his traveling thrift store he wanted to make. He also had many bright and wonderful tattoos like a tramp-stamp with two dolphins, one pink and one blue breaching a rainbow ocean, one with the phrase “derpy” written on its side and the other with “ACAB”. There was also a tattoo of Borat in a “Man-Kini” with enormous testicles falling out of the suit on his upper inner arm so that way he could “Kiss Sacha Baron Cohen’s balls whenever [he] wanted” He had clowned professionally all over the world. While speaking to him he gave me the best ever stock answer for what to say when someone asks what you plan to do with your degree. You tell them “I’m gunna do this!” and then do some kind of weird physical gesture.
He was a great clown 10/10 on the Clown Scale rating
The next Clown I met was a woman who was the apprentice of Patch Adams. She did lots of fun voices, and was very sweet. She took me on a walk to see a waterfall and she told me about her education prior to clowning. She had a master's in psychology and did childcare at the Standing Rock protests. She also spoke to me at great length about why she felt that all people had the right to explore their own minds in all states via psychedelics.
Fantastic Clown 10/10 on the Clown Scale rating.
The final clown I met at the commune was the least experienced clown. He knew a few fun tricks and I once saw him using a training unicycle; which is a unicycle with one main wheel and two smaller training wheels. Like the other clowns and members of the commune he was very friendly, and one of the days I was there he slept outside in a sleeping bag with no tent.
Lovely Clown 10/10 on the Clown Scale rating
Since that summer I have had a significant drop in clown meetings. However, not all was lost. I met a great person in a Ph.D. program here at this very university that is a clown. He can ride a unicycle while playing guitar, make balloon animals and juggle. He is presently a very good friend of mine and has many fun and interesting qualities. I even invited him to my housewarming party and he made everyone balloon hats.
Awesome Clown 10/10 on the Clown Scale rating.
Though this is but a brief list of Clowns, I hope the writing of this article manages to manifest more clowns in my life. These delightful sort of people are in too short a supply in a world in desperate need of whimsy and light-hearted fun during the rough time in which we live.