Solitude
Solitude in the past year and a half had become my best friend. She inspired me to sit in my isolated discomfort as the pandemic permeated virtually every aspect of my life. I had come accustomed to grocery shopping once a week and ignoring text messages. Solitude whispered in my ear to remain in my newfound normalcy by never turning on my video camera during Zoom classes and to avoid phone calls at all costs. I was content in my social deprivation, while everyone worldwide experienced the same chaos in their ways. When The University of Michigan announced that they would reopen their doors to in-person classes, my heart sank. Solitude, my best friend, would be forsaken. I was too afraid of her abandonment.
Curiosity
When I entered the doors for my first ALA 210 class, I was exhausted from the early morning commute and prior class engagement. I honestly dreaded seeing the vast majority of unfamiliar faces as I entered the class. Words cannot describe the discomfort I felt to reemerge into interpreting social cues and sustaining a facade as other students expressed their excitement of the in-person university experience. I felt guilty for not sharing this perspective. Our professor, Benji Peters, announced that our first Chai Chatter would soon occur in the Bowman Room near the end of the class. Though I would have preferred to keep my prior engagements with solitude, curiosity got the best of me. I had joined the Global Scholars Program to step out of my comfort zone and connect with other students. Still, the fear of scrutiny developed during my time alone. I was worried, had I made the wrong decision?
Chances
Entering Chai Chatter as a nontraditional student who doesn’t live in North Quad made the experience uncomfortable. I awkwardly stood, wondering if others had taken notice of my social ineptitude. I did introduce myself; however, that took a lot of energy. I recognized one other GSP student, as we are both in student government, and I had not met her in person before. Caroline and I chit-chatted, which calmed my nerves. She introduced me to another GSP student. We, too, talked about simple matters, such as how we all knew each other and our majors. I still felt out of place; suddenly, the new person I met, Lacey, asked if I would be interested in answering questions for her GSP Blog Post. I hesitated for a moment but thought to myself, why not?
Connection
I will not go into all the details, but the interview allowed me to connect deeply with Lacey. Commonalities bonded us. My initial assumption was that I was alone in struggling with belonging. It was best to maintain my distance because solitude didn’t judge or disappoint me. There is already so much rapid change in our world that I felt scared to dive back into it. However, connecting with Lacey was nothing short of remarkable. I felt heard. We both share a love for service, story-telling, and deconstructing misconceptions about mental and physical health. We shared laughs, tears, and our quirks. Lacey commended GSP and spoke on how she has met the most amazing people in the program. I can say she is an example of that. I share this story to say that the pandemic has impacted us differently. For me, depression and anxiety were and still are a part of my student experience. However, it’s never too late or early to make bonds for anyone out there struggling to connect, especially in the Global Scholars Program. You are not alone in the struggle; you have a community here.
Maleny Crespo (They/Them)
B.A. | College of Literature, Science, and the Arts
University of Michigan Class of 2023