There’s a version of counselling that gets talked about a lot. Those insightful moments, the tears, the breakthroughs.  Those sessions when Clients leave lighter than they arrived. And yes they do sometimes happens, but the reality is that also, some sessions feel flat.  Those sessions when nothing dramatic happens.  The client talks, but it doesn't really feel like it goes anywhere.  

You are engaged, your are alongside your client but your input doesn't quite land.  There are pauses but they don't feel meaningful, the client is not processing or checking what has happened in the room, they are just quiet

And you sit there thinking: “Am I doing anything useful here?”

Here’s the truth.

Flat sessions are part of the work. Contrary to what we believe, especially when we are newly qualified, just out their with real clients or seasoned professionals, they don’t mean you’ve failed.  They don’t mean the client isn’t progressing either, but more importantly they don’t even mean the session wasn’t helpful.

Sometimes this type of session actually means the client is circling something they’re not ready to touch yet and the hesitancy is the feeling in the space.  Sometimes the relationship is still building, or reconnecting or deepening and often they mean that something subtle is shifting underneath the surface.

They do sometimes mean it was a flat session.  But here's the thing not every hour is transformational.  Not every hour needs to create a lightbulb moment for the client, not every moment requires a magic connection from the therapist. But consistency, presence, and staying with the client? That’s where the work really happens.

If you’re in practice, or about to go out into practice and you’ve had a session like this recently, please remember that you’re not doing it wrong; you’re doing the work.

This happens more than you think, in fact, it happens a lot. You ask a question, gently, with good intention and the client says:

“I don’t know.”

As a new counsellor, this is often the point where panic creeps in. You might find yourself wondering whether to rephrase the question, ask something different, or move on altogether. There can be a sudden awareness of not wanting to put pressure on the client, alongside a concern that you might already be doing exactly that.

But “I don’t know” can mean a number of different things. It might reflect that the client has not considered the question before, that they do not yet feel safe enough to explore it, or that they do have some sense of an answer but cannot yet put it into words. At times, it may simply indicate that they are feeling overwhelmed.

An important first step is noticing your own internal response in that moment. The urge to move things forward or to “fix” the situation often comes from the counsellor rather than the client. Recognising this can help you shift your focus back to what is actually happening for the client.

Instead of rushing to another question, it can be more helpful to stay with the “not knowing.” You might gently explore this by asking what it is like for them not to have an answer, or whether the difficulty lies in the answer not being there yet, or in it feeling hard to say. Sometimes inviting a tentative guess can also open something up, without demanding certainty.

Taking this approach changes the tone of the interaction. You are no longer pushing for an answer or stepping away from the moment. Instead, you are working with what is present in the room.

Being able to sit comfortably with not knowing is a valuable part of the work. It can offer a quiet reassurance to the client that they do not need to have everything figured out straight away.

Not knowing is, in itself, a valid place to be.

This is a question worth sitting with for a moment.

As counsellors, particularly in training or in the early stages of practice, it is not uncommon to become aware of a sense of “not being good enough.” It can appear quietly, often in specific moments rather than all of the time.

You might notice it when a client is silent and you are unsure how to respond, when a session feels as though it has not gone anywhere, or when a client does not return. It can also show up in comparison with others, particularly in training environments where it may seem that others are more confident or more certain in their approach.

These experiences can lead to an internal pressure to do more, to say something better, or to somehow get it “right.”

It can be helpful to pause and consider what sits underneath that feeling. Often, it is connected to a genuine desire to work well, to support clients effectively, and to take the responsibility of the role seriously. In that sense, the feeling is not simply a sign of inadequacy, but an indication that you are engaged and invested in the work.

Rather than trying to push the feeling away, it may be more useful to reflect on it. You might ask yourself what you are expecting in that moment, and whether those expectations are realistic for where you are in your development. It can also be helpful to consider what “good enough” would look like in that specific session, rather than in an idealised version of practice.

Counselling is not about achieving perfection. It is about being present, maintaining awareness, and continuing to develop over time.

Not feeling good enough at times does not mean you are not working well. It may simply mean that you are paying attention.

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