At Sarah Milner, students use In Focus for daily social emotional lessons. During bi-weekly guidance lessons with the school counselor, students have used the Zones of Regulation program to learn strategies for emotional regulation. The following suggestions are based on strategies we teach students at school as well as examples for how they can be used at home.
Belly Breathing
By focusing on their breathing, students are distracted from the trigger that is upsetting them and they are also working to regulate their nervous system. You can help your child do belly breathing using the following steps:
Have your child lay down in a comfortable position and place a stuffed animal on their belly (or their hands if they’d like).
Instruct your child to take deep breaths, breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. They should try to make their stuffed animal rise up on their belly as high as possible.
It may be helpful to count while they are breathing - for example, 4 counts in and 4 counts out. It is also helpful if you yourself do some deep breathing. Even if your child doesn’t realize it, their body will begin to copy yours. If you don’t have a stuffed animal available, or they prefer to be seated instead of laying down, that’s okay too! You being present and helping guide their breathing can bring them back to a more regulated emotion.
I Statements
I statements allow students to express their emotions without blaming someone and discuss what may work better for them. The pattern can look like this
I feel (name an emotion) when you (insert the hurtful action) because (explain why it is bothersome). I want/need . (describe what would be helpful).
The statement does not need to match this one exactly but should include an explanation of the feeling and what caused it. Giving a replacement action is also helpful in teaching expectations. When responding to an I statement it is appropriate to repeat back what you heard and describe your understanding so any clarifications can be made. This is a safe way that we allow students to express their concerns and advocate for what they need. Here is an example of what a conversation may look like when led by I statements.
Student: I feel mad when you ask me to put my clothes away. I don't understand why you care if it's on my floor or in my dresser. I want to just play video games.
Parent: I understand you feel upset when I ask you to do something you don't want to. If your clothes are put away you can find them quickly and easily in the morning when you need to get ready for school.