New School Dress Code: Full Medieval Attire

When I open the double doors leading to Needham High School, I am immediately greeted with an unrecognizable tall figure.

“Principal Sicotte?”

“No no, Squire Sicotte.”

Did I just hear him right? Why is he wearing armor? 

“Head to your homeroom to collect your gauntlets.”

I look to my right and see two girls dressed in the same strange medieval attire. Maybe this is for National History Day? Or a project for APUSH? I look to the main staircase and see over 200 kids: all of whom were dressed in tunics, cloaks, gowns, and doublets. What is happening? Mr. Flaggert greets me at the top of the stairs.

“Where are your sabatons?” he demands, eyeing my ordinary sneakers with disgust.

“My what?” I stammer.

“Your sabatons… your armored footwear! Do you expect to march into battle—er,  Chemistry, completely unprotected?” He sighs and shakes his head.

I glance around in panic. Everywhere I look, students are weighed down by layers of velvet chainmail and fur-trimmed cloaks. A group of freshmen struggle to walk, their oversized armor clanking with each step. Down the hall, I spot a junior desperately trying to unroll a parchment scroll, squinting at what I assume is today’s Spanish notes.

“Come now to homeroom!” Mr. Flaggert commands. “You must retrieve your school-issued gauntlets.”

Before I can protest, a loud trumpet blast echoes through the halls. A man in full plate armor steps forward. A real-life knight? No, it's just Mr. Ames. Dressed in a full plate of armor, he steps forward, unraveling a scroll.

“Hear ye, hear ye! Henceforth, any student caught without their proper medieval attire shall be sentenced to one week of detention.”

Everyone looks terrified. A senior dressed as a court jester faints dramatically onto the tiled floor.

“Additionally,” Mr. Ames continues, “all students must address their teachers as ‘My Lord’ or ‘My Lady’. Failure to do so shall result in immediate exile to the cafeteria stocks.”

The cafeteria stocks?! I suddenly recall the strange wooden contraption I saw near the vending machines this morning. I thought it was some sort of new interactive history display, but… oh no.

“Now, kneel and recite the Dress Code Oath!”

I watch in horror as my classmates obediently drop to one knee, placing a hand over their tunics. What fresh medieval madness is this?!