From Phone Hotels to Penthouse Suits: Treat Your Phone to the Ultimate Getaway

While you’re busy working at school, your phone is stuck in a cramped, bare-bones hotel for over six hours every day. Those plastic, prison-like cells with peeling stickers are nothing but a center of endless stress for your phone. But there’s a solution! Upgrade to these new, superior options, and your phone will be back to resting easy, safe and sound, while you power through school:

Our first option is a five-star hotel, the ultimate experience for your phone, where luxury meets cutting-edge technology. It features a full gym and pool to keep your phone working at peak performance. Each luxurious pocket is lined with the softest, most velvety material, designed to pamper your device's delicate exterior. It also comes equipped with personal chargers, the best way for your phone to truly recharge. Their state-of-the-art temperature technology will regulate your phone’s heat and cooling to ensure it stays at the perfect temperature. Note: This advanced climate control system won’t do anything to adjust your personal comfort in class, and all of the school’s supposed “temperature control” systems will be dedicated to the phones. But who needs comfortable classrooms when your phone can enjoy them instead?

Finally, we are pleased to offer our latest creation, the Artificial Intelligence Suite, a truly groundbreaking experience designed to give you complete automation in your daily life. This futuristic room is completely automatic, with robots answering your texts and emails for you so you don’t have to stress while in class. It’s the ultimate task manager, setting reminders for homework and tests while scheduling meetings at the same time. Say goodbye to listening during class, this suite captures everything your teachers say and automatically transcribes it. Your phone no longer needs to do work and keep busy, it can relax and take some time off while the AI handles everything for it. If you decide on this option, it’s probably best you keep this room hidden from your teachers. With the AI Suite, your phone can focus on what truly matters, relaxing and avoiding unnecessary stress while it prepares for another day of sitting unused in its hotel.

Disclaimer: Android phones will not be compatible with these new hotels