The Flying Spaghetti Monster

Some of you may have heard of a newer, possibly satirical, religion called Pastafarianism. Pastafarians believe that the world was created by an invisible Flying Spaghetti Monster who got drunk and created the universe one night for fun. The original Pastafarians were pirates, who worshiped the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or the FSM, as they call it, by wearing eye patches and pirate hats. According to the official Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, “Religious texts tell us that humans evolved from Pirates. Consider that so-called ‘science experts’ would have us believe humans evolved from primates, pointing towards the shared 99% shared DNA between humans and primates. But humans and pirates share upwards of 99.9% of DNA.” They say that the reason for global warming is the decrease in pirates over the years and that the proper religious headwear is either a colander or a pirate hat. It is believed that millions of people are secretly Pastafarians, simply hiding away until it’s time to reveal themselves to the world. 

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was originally revealed to the general public through a letter sent by Bobby Henderson to the Kansas State Board of Education in 2005, detailing the creation story of the universe that he, a Pastafarian, believed was true. At this point, the Kansas State Board of Education was considering the implementation of intelligent design in public schools. Intelligent design is the belief that the world was created too perfectly and had to have been made by some intelligent greater power. Multiple religions, such as Islam, Christianity, Judaism, and Pastafarianism, all follow the intelligent design theory. Implementing intelligent design in schools means teaching all of these religions and more. This consideration concerned many people in the public, as they believed that the teaching of intelligent design in school would be more disastrous than helpful. These were valid concerns, as in this specific instance, the Kansas State Board of Education wanted to implement intelligent design in schools to be able to teach Christian beliefs in absolutes to students. While teaching about religion is a common thing found in public schools, teaching only one religion was not favored by many citizens in the state of Kansas.

Bobby Henderson’s letter to the Kansas State Board of Education offered support for the teaching of intelligent design, with one simple suggestion: Instead of teaching Christianity, the public schools should be teaching Pastafarianism. 

The Kansas State Board of Education did not respond to Henderson.

The Church of the FSM is easy to join. You simply declare that you wish to follow the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and you’ve converted. It’s important, however, to follow the rules of Pastafarianism.

Some of you may know of the Ten Commandments. Similar to this, Pastafarians have “the 8 I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts.” Here are a few of them:

1. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Act Like A Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Crazy When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don’t Believe In Me, That’s Okay. Really, I’m Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn’t About Them So Don’t Change The Subject.

2. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don’t Require Sacrifices, And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.

3. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This Through You Thick Heads: Woman=Person, Man=Person. Samey-Samey. One is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We’re Talking About Fashion And I’m Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal And Fuchsia.

7. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Go Around Telling People I Talk To You. You’re Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can’t You Take A Hint?

Some claim that Pastafarianism is a satirical and made-up religion created for the purpose of casting a light on some ridiculous things that we see in our day-to-day lives, but followers of the FSM strongly disagree and are offended by the mere thought. “According to adherents, Pastafarianism (a portmanteau of pasta and Rastafarianism) is a ‘real, legitimate religion, as much as any other.’ It has received some limited recognition as such” (Flying Spaghetti Monster, Wikipedia).

I strongly suggest watching the Amazon Prime documentary I, Pastafari if you are interested in learning more. Who knows, maybe Pastafarianism is the religion for you?