The Blue Devil Bulletin: Advice for All

Hello readers! This monthly edition of the advice column is all about friendship. We received some questions from students at Kenmore West that we will be answering for you all today.

THE QUESTION:

What is the best way to start a conversation with someone you want to be friends with?

Starting a conversation with a person you look up to or admire can feel difficult sometimes, especially when you want to make a good first impression. In reality, the best friendships are built with the people who you feel a natural connection and who you do not need to change yourself in any way for. Have you ever met someone and felt like they were your best friend after only talking with them for 10 minutes? That's how you know you met someone who is a great match for you. In my experience, when I meet someone who is immediately matching my energy, being noticeably interested in what I'm saying as much as I am for them, and showing a genuine level of respect, they are someone that I definitely view in a positive way from the start. The best thing that you can do is to just start talking with them. You can discuss a topic as simple as an assignment that you are working on in school, or a common interest that you may both have. If this is a person that you do not have any classes with, you can still start a conversation with them by simply giving them a compliment, or try walking up to them and introducing yourself. There is no risk in doing so, as you could be initiating a lifelong friendship.

• Leocadia ☆

THE QUESTION:

How can I turn a “school friend” into one I can hang out with outside of school?

In my experience, this one can be so incredibly hard. Making the jump from school to real world can be scary and awkward, and is often a reason why friendships don’t bloom into the beautiful flowers they should be. The best cheat-code to out-of-school friendships is group projects. Being forced to work outside of school on something can get someone to your house, or maybe to Panera, Spot Coffee, or some other local hangout place. If not a project, maybe you need to study for a test, or are just doing homework together. Though this is a little harder to organize organically, I believe that you can make it work. If you don’t have a group project or big test coming up, look into school events, where your person of interest might find themselves. Something like a sports game or a school dance is a good halfway point between school and real world; this can be a good place to break the ice with your friend. No events coming up? Be bold and ask them to meet up somewhere. Maybe you need to go shopping for a new outfit and want them to tag along, maybe you've been dying to see a new movie and think they’d like it, maybe you want to bake a cookie or two. Inviting someone from school to actually do something instead of just inviting them over for whatever can be a good way to have something to look forward to, instead of just inviting your friend to sit parallel to you in silence. If being bold doesn't work, sending mental signals to your friend is always another option, but the success rate for that isn't as high as the other options. Bottom line, people like doing things. Figure out something to do with your friend, break the ice.

• Aislyn シ

ADVICE:
Tips to build and maintain strong friendships

So you’ve got a friendship, but you’re worried that it won't last and grow. I gotchu. If you’re an online person, connecting on social media can keep friendships alive. Send a TikTok, comment on their Instagram post, reply to their Snapchat story. Online conversation starting tactics like these can keep you and your bud in communication, and communication is the foundation of strong friendships. Just talking can be a bit of a standstill; the difference is when, how often, and why you talk to someone. Not just communication, but vulnerable communication. Knowing things about each other can bring you closer, and asking questions about them can help build a stronger friendship. Knowing the things they like, the things they hate, your common interests, and other basic things like that can have a surprisingly great impact on your friendship. You can't build a friendship solely on the exchange of homework answers. To maintain your friendships, refer to the previous Q&A and hang out with your friend outside of school.  The school year is still young, and if your friend is a classmate, you’ve got all year to grow this friendship. If your friend goes to another school, you probably won’t be able to see them too often, but we have the internet on our side here; texting and calling about random things can help you become more comfortable with this person. 

If you skipped the long paragraph, I’ll sum it up for you. Communicate with people, get to know them, have them get to know you, don’t be too scared of rejection. Now go forth with this information and build your friendships. Good luck guys. 

• Aislyn シ