Blue Devil Bulletin: Advice for All

Q: What should I actually do when somebody is being mean?

Dealing with mean people can be difficult, but it's important that you take the proper steps to understand the nature of the situation. When someone is acting in a mean way towards you without reason, you need to remember that their behavior is often a reflection of their own internal conflict. Responding back in a negative way, such as yelling or saying something insulting, will only escalate the situation, and it's best to avoid trying to match their level of anger.  In the moment, if you feel like you need to say something, respond in a calm manner, asking a question such as, “Can you help me to understand what’s upsetting you?” A question like this shifts the energy instead of making a statement that is aggressively directed towards their behavior. Another approach you can take is choosing to step away from the situation without responding, and talk about it later if you want to. Even if you know that they are in the wrong, responding in a controlled manner signals to the other person that they did not get the reaction out of you that they wanted.

• Leocadia ☆

Q: How do I deal with change?

Although change can feel hard sometimes, it’s a very important part of life. Growing as a person happens when you allow yourself to try new things and be put in different situations. Sometimes, as change occurs, we make mistakes. But I've learned that making those mistakes enables personal growth and allows us to learn lessons, create opportunity, and build resilience. Without change, you will most likely start to feel trapped and limit yourself emotionally, socially, and professionally. Change is a part of life and is important to get comfortable with. Some changes are out of our control, and I understand how they may be difficult to deal with. The first step is recognizing that a change is occurring and knowing that it’s normal to feel stressed, especially when something happens unexpectedly. When a change that you consider to be negative happens out of your control, you should focus on what you can control and accept the reality of the situation. If this situation becomes overwhelming, it’s always okay to talk to someone you trust or feel comfortable with.

• Leocadia ☆

Q: How do you relax when you’re stressed?

Usually, people will suggest deep breaths, yoga, or meditation, but those don’t work for everybody. A lot of people get lost when trying to approach stress and develop unhealthy coping mechanisms. These short-term solutions more often than not end up causing trouble in the long run. Finding healthy methods to relax and deal with stress is hard, but maybe try deep breathing. Listening to music, talking to close ones, and watching tv are all good short-term ways to distract yourself from stress, but distracting yourself won't make it go away. Try writing down your stressors; seeing a physical list of the things causing you stress can help you to overcome them. Look at the list of things you’re stressed about. Ask yourself about them. What is stressing you out? Can you do something about it? If you can do something about it, what can you do? Do whatever it is you can to try to minimize this problem. On the other hand, if you can’t do anything about it, then you can’t do anything about it. I know this is easier said than done, but try not to waste too much time stressing about things out of your control. Relaxing is hard, especially because this point in life brings a lot of stress, but developing healthy coping mechanisms can help you deal with stress in a non-harmful way, and hopefully minimize it. So, short-term, find something that calms you down, and long-term, try to work through stress, because working through it is really the only way to truly relax.

• Aislyn シ

Q: Why is my social life and my relationships, like friendships, so hard?

Social life and relationships like friendships and others are so hard because people are weird and never say what they mean, and I’m so serious about it. Everything would be much easier if people said what they meant instead of being cryptic and unclear about how they feel. You can quote me on that. Obviously, people will never change this, and everyone has their own problems and reasons for being the way they are. And it's hard to have a social life when you don’t really know the people you’re being social with. Friendships are hard to build because people are scared of other people. I think social relationships in general can be hard because everyone is a little afraid of opening up to others and taking time to develop meaningful friendships. I’ll be honest with you here, it’s the phones. Sure, the internet helps you connect, but over time, the common fear of being perceived online has slowed real connection. Because this is an advice column, I’ve decided to give you my thoughts. No penny necessary. If you’re an avid reader, you've probably heard me say this before, but I’ll restate: finding people with similar interests to you can help you build good social relationships. Whether it be making close friends or just a quick conversation with a classmate, common interest drives social relationships. 

• Aislyn シ