How to Fully Deal with Grief

November of 2022, I lost my dad to colon cancer. I am more than devastated; you may as well just say I’m completely on the edge. I was very close with him. He was always one of my biggest supporters, and I truly looked up to him. It’s years later, and I still haven’t got over this horrible loss. Every day is different. Every week is different. Every minute is different. One minute I’m laughing and smiling, and then the next minute I just can’t get myself out of bed. At first, I really thought to myself I was going to be fine. But I was completely wrong. As the years went on, eventually my mental health started to decline. I started to get more moody and irritable. Then I started being sad and anxious all the time. It got to a point where I just couldn’t focus my mind on anything else. I didn’t want to hang out with anyone; I didn’t want to be around anyone. All I wanted was to be alone by myself. Grief is one thing we all experience, and it can be very difficult to cope with. Using my experience and my ways of coping, here’s what I did while dealing with a rough couple of years. Hopefully these can help you out!

1. Acknowledge how YOU feel 

The worst mistake you can make while grieving is not accepting how you feel. If you don’t face your own emotions, they will only affect you negatively in different ways in your life. You may think keeping your emotions hidden will help stop you from feeling sad, but that’s not the case. Doing this will just make your sadness feel long-term, which could eventually lead to a breakdown. You want to avoid that. Acknowledge how you’re feeling, whether it’s sad, anxious, or happy. It’s important to track your feelings and accept them as your own reality. Whatever you feel is completely okay. Grieving isn’t supposed to be the same for everyone. Acceptance and acknowledgement are two of the first steps in how to handle grief. 

2.  Prioritize your own self-care 

I get it, getting out of bed or even having the motivation to do anything is hard during grief. I remember the first few months of losing my dad were hard; I didn’t want to do anything, I didn't want to get out of bed, I just wanted to cry. Your self-care is one of the most important things, and it includes everyone, whether you are or aren’t dealing with grief. Make sure you take care of yourself and your mental health. Do whatever makes you happy, but make sure how you cope is healthy. Avoid doing drugs, self-harm, or drinking alcohol. These are things that will only hurt you in the long run. Instead, eat healthy foods, read a book, watch your favorite show, hang out with your friends and family. These are ways that can help get your mind off of what’s hurting you most. 

3. Build a support system 

What’s helped me most is my support system. My support system consists of my family and friends. Whenever I’m feeling down, I always talk to my friends and family about it. This greatly improves my mood, and it really helps me cope better. Your support system doesn’t have to be big; it’s not all about how many people are in it, it’s about whether they are willing to listen and support you. Include people who have a positive impact on your life, and not people who treat you unkindly or who don’t care about your well-being. Opening up to just one person or even multiple people can really lift a big weight off your shoulders. 

4. Write down your feelings 

I know writing down your feelings in a journal isn’t always fun, but if you feel like no one else will listen to you, writing down how you feel really helps! When I was really going through it, my mom put me in therapy, and it’s really helped me. Talking to a licensed professional is also very helpful. They are more than willing to listen and are there to help you with your problems. 

5. Take a break from grieving

It may seem a little odd, and it’s not as easy as it seems. Try to take a break from mourning. Avoid staying in a state that makes you constantly grieve. It’s super unhealthy. Let yourself experience joy every once in a while, even if you’re in a state of being sad and mourning. Take as much time out of your day as possible to let yourself laugh by hanging out with friends or watching your favorite show. Whatever it is, do an activity you like to keep your mind off it. The more you do this, the more joy will come back into your life. Let yourself experience being happy even if you’re sad; this is how you can grow from the pain. 

6. Accept that grief can trigger many unexpected different emotions 

You can be happy one second, then the next you’re bawling your eyes out. Grief doesn’t care how you feel. Your body and your brain can feel the loss you’re going through; the way your brain responds to it ruins your sense of reality and identity. Losing someone changes your daily habits, your social circle, and who you are as a person. 

7. Understanding how you grieve will be different compared to others

No one grieves the same way; part of grief is that it’s unique. Everyone has a different style of coping. Some people might process their feelings in private, while others may feel the need to speak out about it. Your stress and energy levels affect how your body handles emotional pain. 

It may seem difficult or impossible in the beginning, but it’s important to remember grief doesn’t last forever. You will come to terms with the loss. Grieving isn’t fun for anyone, especially since it’s one of the hardest emotions to process and accept. Your journey may start as difficult. You’ll have good days and you’ll have bad days. But remember to take it one step at a time. One day at a time. Even one moment at a time. Remind yourself that you are so strong and you aren’t alone. Joy will return to your life again.