After Tragedies

Talking about painful events

In our current political and social climate, we are faced with what seems like an unending parade of tragedies, disasters and hate-fueled traumas. As Church we are called to respond. And our children are in the room with us. Engaging their questions and supporting their desire to respond in age-appropriate ways teaches them how to walk in the world as the Body of Christ.

Responding to difficult questions

Dr. Jeanine Driscoll, of the Episcopal Diocese of North Carolina's Pastoral Response Team, offers this simple strategy for responding to children's difficult questions. It can be adapted for any age.

  • Ask your son or daughter to tell you what he or she knows about the given matter or issue. (So, tell me what you know about _____________.)
  • Listen for both accuracy and affect. Provide accurate, fact-based information.
  • Ask your daughter or son about her or his feelings about this issue and information. (How do feel about ________________.)
  • Summarize what you hear and check in that you are accurately understanding her or him. This is essential. (You're telling me that ____________ and it sounds like you are feeling _________________ about this.)
  • Then, ask what concerns she or he has about the issue. (It sounds like you're very concerned about ______________ and are needing ____________.)

Then talk with her about ways to deal with the concerns. This could involve various resources from you to peers at school or church to teachers, coaches, etc.

A great question for any age is "What is it that you most want me to understand?" Remember, the most basic form of love is paying attention.

From the Episcopal Diocese of North Carolina Website

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