I could only stare at the hands of the clock as it starts to locomote in a circular way and think of how everything happened in a swift phase. One day, you were here. Then one day, you were gone, completely.

It all began three months after my first onboard on an inter-island shipping vessel. I already had the glimpse of you afar because I saw you many times at the port waiting for that middle-aged captain whom I supposed to be your love affair. I let out a light chuckle as I remembered the joke of my uncle how my kind of work captivates tons of women. You even kissed the cheek of that guy so I suggest you were one of those few mistresses who have the audacity to show the public who they are. I diverted my gaze and continued with my rope works for our docking.

It was weeks later when my senior officers asked me to go out with them because they noticed I've been so quiet and diffident for a long time. Knowing they were my heads, I didn't hesitate to come. We arrived at this mini-bar along the avenue. I only had one bottle of beer and I decided to go out for a little walk. I stopped by a convenience store to buy a load because I was planning to have a call for my parents. Surprisingly, you were working there.

"How much?" You asked.

I was startled by your beauty. It was my first time to see you this up close. You have these brown chinky eyes, cute-pointed nose, red-inviting lips and the single mole on your cheek which makes the totality of your face as peaceful as a solitude. There was something in you that's dragging myself towards you. I caught myself buying some soda and sat in one of your tables. I didn't know how fate allowed us to talk. All I could remember is that there were leftovers in my table and you headed towards me to clean the mess. Unrecognizably, as if this mouth had its own life, I managed to start the conversation.

"So you are working here?" That was the silliest question I asked.

You looked at me as if remembering if by any chance, we did meet or know each other. Nevertheless, you responded courteously.

"Nope. I mean, sort of. My family owns this."

I wonder how did you end up with that old guy when I assumed, you came from a well-off family. I was a bit off during the conversation because I was too preoccupied with the thought of you going out with a gray-haired man when in fact you can afford everything.

The conversation didn't last for five minutes because there were costumers and so I decided to get back from the ship as well.

I didn't know how I frequently got to spend my shore leave and free time in your convenience store. My routines altered since that day. I always found myself walking to your place and buy things which were not really necessary. I constantly talk to you with the things you weren't expecting because those were so out of the world. I don't know how I became so open and talkative when in fact I was dubbed as 'introvert' before.

Time just came that I was able to have your number and that paved the way for us to get to know more each other. There's this kind of feeling I couldn't really comprehend when your name pops up in my inbox. You made my heart race and that was very foreign to me. We even had some calls and you were very gullible. You can easily burst out laughing with my silly jokes.

One night while I was off from duty, out of nowhere, I texted you a question if you believe about seafarers being womanizer or unfaithful.

"I don't think so. People are just too shallow to generalize seafarers and labeled them as "womanizer". You know, everyone is capable to cheat and it doesn't limit only to your profession. Anytime, anyone can if they choose to. Are you?" You replied.

You know what, you were really difficult to understand. It made me want to believe that everything you were saying was genuine. However, it seemed to me like what you were saying was incongruent to your actions. I still saw you with that guy at the port. I ended up thinking that you were too good at this game—angling two fish in one hook. On the contrary, I believed I was also good at one thing—playing a game even though I know I will not win at the very beginning.

Despite those apprehensions, I pursued what my heart wanted me to do. I even invited you out for a dinner and I was flabbergasted how you pulled me out from that fancy restaurant and dragged me somewhere not really suitable to you. You opted to be at the stalls of street foods. You chose isaw, kwek-kwek, adidas, betamax—you name it. I was confused at the same time mesmerized. You looked really sophisticated and unexpectedly, you eat those kinds of food. I could not help but to smile wide.

We sat at one of the benches near the port. We were happily eating and exchanging jests who got the best one. The invisible strings that attached us restrained me from thinking what was going to happened after. I savored the moment because every single expression you had was raw. I felt like I was on cloud nine.

As the night got deeper, I felt the urge to tell you something. You were holding my left hand and your head was on my shoulder while we were listening to the rasp of waves as it touches the seawall. I was torn between keeping it and nothing will happen or take the opportunity and accept whatever results. Consequently, I chose the latter. I confessed to you about my feelings and that I was really into you. You were silent and all I can hear was the swishing sounds of the sea. Just as I was about to accept and tell you that it was still okay for me, you answered.

"Okay, then. Come to my house on Sunday to meet my parents. I'll text you the address. Anyway, thanks for the night. I've enjoyed a lot." You kissed my cheek and ran away.

I was dumbfounded. You were a bit far when I managed to get myself back.

"Hey, what? Wait!" I could not believe what she just said. Just as it sank in to me, I caught myself shouting for immense joy. She was unpredictable, indeed.

The day had finally come and I could not really contain myself. I was outside your house already. I pressed the bell and you opened the gate for me. As usual, you got that charm which drives me crazy. I told you I was anxious but you said your parents are not so terror, just a little portion. I heaved a deep sigh before I followed you.

You introduced me to your mom and she was very welcoming and gorgeous like you. We've waited for your dad.

"Hey dad where you've been?" I turned my head around and my eyes suddenly widened. The man you were calling dad was the exact man I was thinking your love affair. I felt guilty for judging you before. But the joy of knowing the truth relieved me.

"I was just fixing the car at the garage. Oh! So he's the one you were talking to me." Your dad teasingly replied. You were out of words.

"That's why you were always meeting me at the port to secretly have a peek at him." He continued while acting as if he just understands something.

"DAD!" You yelled. I slightly laughed which irritated you more.

"Okay-okay. I was just kidding around. Let's have dinner already so we can get to know your vi-SUITOR." Your dad is a joker. I could paint how your pretty face frowned.

I got along well with your parents especially your dad maybe because we lived the same lifestyle as seafarer every day. My first meeting with your parents went smoothly. Of course, your dad had conditions and restrictions as well and I respected that as much as I respected you.

It took long before I got your 'yes' and I swear to God, it was the best yes I've gotten for my whole life so far. The long wait was worthy and that was because you were so deserving to be waited. We became legal to our both families and that secured me most. We've gone to many places and adventures together. We surpassed the ups and downs of life and that while depending to each other. We had great plans for the future and I was blissful that I was part of yours.

"By, I know we will face more trials but always remember, no one and nothing can break the wall we built. I am looking forward what the future holds for us. I love you to the ocean and back." I sincerely told you.

Parallel to what I said, it came. I got the chance to go onboard in an international shipping company. I knew we will be separated for God knows how long but this was your dream for me—to sail outside the country. At first, it was very hard for us because we became so dependent with each other. Eventually, we managed to adjust. From the frequent video calls at night until it became twice and then once a month. I endured everything because it was for our dream.

"Hi by, I missed you so much. We are currently traversing the gulf of Mexico and it's very cold here. How you doin'?" I swear, I wanted to hug you tightly. I was just holding my tears.

"Don't worry. I am doing fine---" You hardly cough and instantly headed to your toilet. I don't know why my heart thumped faster. You were back and this time, I observed something. I thought you've lost weight and you looked pale. I was worrying what happened but you were just simply saying that perhaps it was because of the food you ate a while ago. I was just partly convinced but you were so persistent that nothing's wrong.

During our calls, I observed that you were losing weight constantly. I was just pretending that I didn't because I know you will be upset and all matters now was hearing your angelic voice. It eased my stresses and home sickness.

There were times that our schedules didn't meet until it became two months of no calls. A lot of possibilities were swirling in my head. Worst was I was thinking you had someone because you were not your usual self on our previous talks. Seemingly, you've lost your interest on seeing and talking to me. However, I remained optimistic.

While I was on my cabin, your cousin message me that you were rushed in hospital yesterday and now you were in ICU. The deafening silence after I read the message engulfed the whole room. I didn't know how or what to react and feel. I was completely lost. I could not sleep for the whole night and I rendered my time crying.

Morning after, I filed a compassionate leave and fortunately it was granted maybe because I was beyond the contract of 10 months. It was just there were no available crews yet. It took almost a week before I arrived. Even though I had still jetlag, I texted your cousin where you were confined. That day changed my whole life.

You've lost your battle against Leukemia. Why didn't you tell me? All I could do now is to cry and cry till it hurts no more. This is not what I am expecting when I get back. I am expecting you to hug me tight and shower me kisses. Cook my favorite adobo and make my cravings for mango float. We still have a lot of places to go and even visit the place where we had our first date. We still have to build our dream house for our future kids. We still have…

It stabs my heart seeing your casket being lowered in the ground. I want to get you out from that horrible situation. As I throw this white flower, don't think that I will cease loving you. You will always be my one great love. You will always here, inside my chest. It hurts to turn my back because the moment I will do it, I know I will no longer see you. I will no longer witness your peaceful face. But I have to be strong for you because I know you don't want me to see this way.

I just want you to remember that you will always be my North star at night. The propeller which keeps me going. You will always be my safe harbor. Continue to guide me because I will still bring your memories with me. This isn't goodbye, by. I guess, I'll see you then at the Port of Heaven.

"Josh wait, Sarah wants to give this to you." Your cousin handed me a box with a note. I am happily crying.