The following paragraphs are drawn at random from my database of student writing. The students who wrote these paragraphs have provided permission for me to reprint them here without their names. Some of these paragraphs are stronger than others. I provide them here not as examples of well-written paragraphs but as a means of fostering class discussion. Your instructor might assign these to be read and used in small-group settings and classroom discussions to discuss what's good and what could be improved in each paragraph.
As you read them, evaluate them on some of the following questions:
Unity — Does the paragraph contain a clear thesis statement that makes the topic and the writer's stance clear?
Development — Does the author provide three main reasons and sufficient supporting details? Is it easy to figure out which sentences are the main points and which ones are the supporting details? Does the writer use echo transitions?
Coherency — Does the paragraph represent college-level writing and thinking?
Grammar — Is the paragraph edited to the point that errors aren't distracting? Do errors detract from the credibility or enjoyability of the paragraph?
Loving My Major
It was a simple spin of the magazine holder filled with career majors and—BAM!—radiology it was. Radiology has caught my interest since day one and I’ve finally made my decision to go into Neuroradiology. The first reason is because this occupation deals with the nervous system (brain, spine, neck and head), which falls in line with my love for learning about the brain. Plus it’s the closest I could learn about the nervous system without actually having to be the one performing surgery. I'm interested in helping doctors and surgeons diagnose brain and nervous-system injuries--I just don't want to be the one actually performing the surgeries. The second reason is because there are hospitals in almost every town across the U.S., meaning that I could try living in new places. I would love to live in a big city, like New York or Boston. I would even consider working internationally. I imagine there are plenty of developing nations that could use a skilled neuroradiologist. The last reason is the stability of this job. There will forever be a need for X-rays, ultrasounds, and imaging, whether it’s on people or animals. In addition to that, the money is good, and that gives me the freedom to take care of my two-year-old daughter Chloe without stress. Most jobs in neuroradiology have flexible schedules and are often found in facilities with daycare and other benefits for working parents. All around, it seems like the perfect career for me. I care for this major way more than I thought I would, and the more knowledge I gain, the more I fall in love with it.
Seeing Green
I had planned on becoming a forest ranger ever since I was kid, but it wasn’t until I was an adult that I learned the hard truth that it takes more than a love of the outdoors to get a job with the forest service—it takes a bachelors degree! When I discovered that (at 2 am while visiting their HR portal), I started looking into other careers that wouldn’t require any schooling, but that didn’t last long. I want to be a forest ranger, so I’m not going to let school stand in my way, which is why I’m here at Utah Tech majoring in biology. Now that I have taken a couple of classes, I can see why the forest service is requiring me to get a degree. First, forest rangers do a lot more than just bombing around on four wheelers, pestering fishermen and hunters, asking for licenses and tags. They observe the landscape and animals and plants and make real-time assessments that help determine courses of action to help the forest thrive, such as selectively burning certain areas that have become overgrown, or increasing the number of tags to manage the overpopulation of animals. Second, forest rangers usually take on a lot of managerial duties after a few years of service. A lot of this is learned on the job, but a lot is learned in college, such as creating spreadsheets and schedules and invoices, and acquiring a host of soft skills like emotional intelligence and conflict resolution. I would like to be a supervisor some day, so I’m taking as many business and communications classes as I can as electives to prepare for that. And third, the forest service has been around a long time and is built on generations of experience and knowledge. The more rangers learn from their predecessors, the better. That way we don’t make the same mistakes and can do a better job of caring for our forests. So here I am, earning my bachelors degree in biology. It might take me a few years, but I think in the end I’ll enjoy my career much more with everything I learn while in school.
Enough with Your Stories
I have often said that I can write research papers in my sleep, but I can’t write a short story to save my life. I use similar skillsets when writing research papers and short stories: both require me to organize my thoughts in a logical and engaging way; both require me to focus on a narrow topic or theme; and both require that I use what I call an “economy of words,” meaning that each word I write must count. But I also use different skillsets when writing short stories and research papers. When I write short stories, I must worry about character development, narration, figurative language, and plot structure—all things that perplex me. When I write research papers, on the other hand, I worry about thesis statements, topic sentences, source citations, quotations, paraphrasing, summary, and analysis—all things that come easily to me. Perhaps the biggest difference between writing short stories and research papers, though, is the level of emotional investment needed in each. When I write a short story, I become wrapped up in the characters and the plot. Even when I’m not writing, it’s all I think about. And then when it comes time to let someone read my story, I worry they won’t like it—or worse, that they’ll “read” too much into it and think that the protagonist is based on me, that the antagonist is based on them, or that the story is based on my life. When I write a research paper, though, I don’t worry about this. Since it is nonfiction, I don’t have to worry about anyone reading too much into it. And if they say they hate it, it really doesn’t bother me. I don’t see my research papers as a reflection of me. Since I’m more comfortable with the types of skillsets needed and the relatively low level of emotional commitment involved in writing research papers, I will likely always prefer writing them over short stories.
My Future Career
All my life, I’ve wanted to physically help people and have a career in the medical field; never have I ever wanted to do something else. Growing up, I didn’t know what exactly I wanted to do within the medical field until my junior year of high school. I finally decided that I want to be a Dental Hygienist and major in Pre-Dental. I’ve also always wanted to join the Air Force Reserves (part-time) and become a dental hygienist for the military. That way, I can advance in my civilian career while helping the country. My first reason would be that I felt much influenced by my pediatric dentist who would always educate me on dentistry and tell me a lot about the industry and former patients. Although I care for my teeth and never had a single cavity, I never realized how important oral health was until I learned about all of the different diseases and conditions. Second, my goal is to be the person who treats people in need of better oral hygiene. Whether it’s helping with extractions, braces, prosthetics, or fillings, I can be the one to help. And last, I would also like to further my education to become a general Dentist; I would be able to open my own dental businesses and create better smiles across the country. Not everyone is has dental insurance available to them. I can be the dentist that helps others with things of that sort. I will continue to work hard in school until my career is in place.
Dental Hygiene
Ones career should be something that they love, should it not? I love dental hygiene and it has become a passion of mine that I discovered while working as a dental assistant and I would like nothing more than to make dental hygiene as my career. First off, teeth are incredibly handy, one uses their teeth for everything from chewing food, as a tool for opening those difficult candy wrappers, or even attracting a date by flashing your pearly whites. I also love the idea of helping others have a healthy smile and gain confidence, to me, nothing boosts confidence like having clean healthy teeth that shine and sparkle. Second, it only takes four years to complete the required schooling for dental hygiene. That's two years for prerequisites and two years for the actual dental hygiene program and that's perfect for me because the quicker i'm able to join the job force and begin a career the better. The final reason why I'm pursuing this career is for the flexible schedule that will allow me to raise and spend time with my (future) family. You get your weekends, holidays and vacations without having to deal with late nights, emergency calls and a rigorous schedule. For all these reasons I'm striving to become a dental hygienist, not only for me but also for my future husband and children.
Who Wants To Major In English?
Why am I at Dixie State University? I came here to learn and to major in something I would love to do and minor in something else I like. I came here to major in English Education to become a teacher. I want to major in this because I want to teach teenagers, I think I can make a difference, and to learn on writing correctly and using the correct words when speaking. First off, I would like to teach twelve year olds that will turn thirteen in sixth grade. I did not like my english teacher in sixth grade because she was mean and did not answer the questions that were asked. I think if I am a teacher I would be a good one. I would teach the right way and help the ones that are struggling. I would like to be the english teacher that when they go to the next grade they will not be so confused. I remember it was hard for me to write things because I had problems in grammar and punctuation which was a little ridiculous because I was already in middle school. Secondly, I think I could make a difference. I can be the kind of teacher that the students can come to me and ask for help. I mean in english class but also outside of the class like maybe being bullied. Not everyone is bullied, I was not, but there are some out there that feel they can not tell anyone. I would like the be the teacher that could help out. I could help on school fundraisers, and school activities. Some of the staff do not like staying after school to do the school fundraisers but I think raising money for something could be fun. Some school activities in middles school were not that fun. I went to two different middle schools. The first one had school dances after school, spirit week, and the be drug free week. The second middle school I went to had no school dances, and they did on day for spirit week. I think they could have done better. I believe that schools are suppose to be serious and you are just there to learn but sometimes you should have like a couple days to do like a fun activity and still learn. Last but not least, I want to learn myself. I would like to learn on how to write better and speak better. Sometimes, still now in college, I do not understand some words. I rely on spell check. If we had no computers I would have to use the dictionary which would take too long. For example I did not know what the word ‘advantages’ meant. I heard that at work and I asked what it meant and in a store full of teenagers, I was the only one who did not know. I just need to learn more. So in conclusion, I want to major in English Education so I can be a fantastic teacher, try to help out with school activities, to learn myself. It might change along the way but for now that is what I want to major in.
My Future in History
Throughout high school my favorite class was history. When it was time to start figuring out majors to decide from I automatically choose history as my major. Firstly, History is very interesting to me because you can learn so much about the past. My favorite time period is between 1600 and 1800 because there were so many issues happening in our country back then. I have always learned so much in my history classes and I’m excited for the history class I am taking this year. Secondly, I guess you could say being a history major is in my blood because many of my family members on my mom side are or were a history teacher. I have always noticed how much my family members enjoy their teaching jobs and how they love their lives and that is what I want my life to be like also. My goal is to keep the tradition going by majoring in history so that I can become a history teacher like my family, but also I would love to be a coach at a high school. Lastly, teaching and being a coach has always been my dream job. I love sports and I played many different kinds of sports. As a player I wasn’t the best but I knew what I was doing and I was good at, so that made me think that if I couldn’t play professionally I could become a coach and still be around sports. Many of my coaches in high school were also history teachers and they all made a big impact on me while I was there, so one day when I become a teacher and a coach I would like to make a big impact on my students and players. It has always been my dream to become a teacher and coach at a high school and I plan on not changing my goals and plan to achieve them.
My major is petroleum engineering
When I was child in China, I wanted to be an engineer. I thought engineer is an occupation that I can work on it for many years, and it is a respected job. Petroleum engineering is a great concern of people because oil is our important resource we may use everyday. I have two reasons to study petroleum engineering. First, I like to work outside of the city. Working far away from the city can make me stay away the noisy from the city so that I can concentrate on my work. It does not mean I am anti-social, it just because working in this way can save my time to do something worth; in addition, urban pollution is getting worse in China, many people get affected from food and air. Even though the environment is complicated outside, I still hope going to many different places to find the resources, which sounds like treasure hunting. Second, my father manages oil business since I was young. My father loves his job very much, and he hopes I study petroleum engineering; also, he can give me his experiences on finding oil. I have seen a lot of oil drawings and very interested in the contents of it; moreover, I have met many people who are work on this area, they give me advise of studying this major and how petroleum engineering attracts them. I like petroleum engineering because it can bring me happiness and passion.