The following paragraphs are drawn at random from my database of student writing. The students who wrote these paragraphs have provided permission for me to reprint them here without their names. Some of these paragraphs are stronger than others. I provide them here not as examples of well-written paragraphs but as a means of fostering class discussion. Your instructor might assign these to be read and used in small-group settings and classroom discussions to discuss what's good and what could be improved in each paragraph.
As you read them, evaluate them on some of the following questions:
Unity — Does the paragraph contain a clear thesis statement that makes the topic and the writer's stance clear?
Development — Does the author provide three main reasons and sufficient supporting details? Is it easy to figure out which sentences are the main points and which ones are the supporting details? Does the writer use echo transitions?
Coherency — Does the paragraph represent college-level writing and thinking?
Grammar — Is the paragraph edited to the point that errors aren't distracting? Do errors detract from the credibility or enjoyability of the paragraph?
Are You Shyamalanizing Me? (#1)
We all know that most low budget independent films are bound to fail—badly, but are there big budget Hollywood films that fail just as much? Hollywood has produce some movies which are major flops this is due to one or more major problems; however, there are not many Hollywood films where the movie as a whole is unredeemable. The independent movie The Room and the Hollywood production Devil share many of the same flaws; although, these major flaws are the same for both movies each one plays them off in very different ways. These major flaws can be summed up in three categories, the story, the script, and the characters, and in my opinion these flaws make them too painful to watch. To begin the year was 2010 when M. Night Shyamalan premiered his $10,000,000 budgeted movie Devil. Devil is a charming flick about five people trapped in an elevator, but when the lights start to flicker and turn off they slowly die one by one; however I bet you can’t figure out who the killer is by just looking at the title. The story tries so hard to play its self-off as a “who did it” thriller; there is only one problem with this set up—you called your movie Devil. The plot twist at the end will have you shaking your fist; while crying out SHYAMALAN! On the opposite end of the spectrum in 2003 Tommy Wiseau‘s $4,000,000 movie The Room was released. The Room centers on the character Johnny and the choices of the people around him and how it affect him as a person. This is a nice set up for what should have been a nice statement on how everything you do has an impact on someone else, so how can one screw up this simple yet profound plot line? Well, between the pointless subplots and the unresolved plot holes the lesson the audience should walk away with is lost in its own overly complicated story. Next come the script. For both movies the script is a major flaw both scrips put the viewer through some of the most painful dialogue ever spoken on film. Between The Room’s fast paced lines that make no sense when spoken either alone or to another character, for example: “I did not hit her, I did not. Oh, hi Mark.” To Devil’s unrealistic dialogue and unrealistic solutions to the problems that arise in the story; such as, when the devil is near toast with jelly on it will land jelly side down. Overall both movies leave the audience questioning the sanity of the script writers. Finally, we come to the biggest flaw in both movies, the bone dry stereotypical characters. Neither movie gives much thought to character development, in fact several of the main characters in Devil do not even have a name. The characters in The Room might as well have not have names, their characters have about as much depth as a contact case. Over all if you choose to see either of these movies I would strongly recommend you see something else. Between the overly complicated stories and the poor choices of the screen writers; these movies are just too painful to watch.
Hole in One Comedies (#2)
It is so hard to believe how the movies Happy Gilmore and Caddyshack are not just two great comedies, but they are also two great sports movies. Sports movie tend to have a couple funny scenes but these two movies will make you laugh and enjoy the movie the whole time. First off, these movies are not your normal sports movies as they show a complete different way on how golf is played. In Caddyshack the golfers and caddies are wild and crazy the entire time during the movie. They show how fun it is the golf with your buddies and just have a good time. The movie Happy Gilmore is kind of different because the main character Happy Gilmore is the only wild and crazy one as he tries to win money at every golf tournament, which ends up turning the golf tournaments into one big party with the help of his fans. Secondly, both of these movies have their own type of bad guy who is just trying to be the best and play the right way of golf. Judge Smails is trying to do everything he can to kick the unwanted wild and crazy golfers out of the golf course, but by doing that is making himself look bad also. Happy Gilmore is Shooter McGavin’s worst nightmare, because happy gets better and better every tournament which makes Shooter nervous so he decides to try and stop Happy any way possible even if that means to hurt Happy very badly. Lastly, having such a great cast is the most important thing to have in a movie. Bill Murray was in his prime while filming Caddyshack as he played the role of Carl the assistant groundskeeper who was at war the whole movie with the gopher who was destroying the golf course. Adam Sandler was very young while playing the role of Happy Gilmore who was a hockey player turned golfer with an anger management problem and the perfect swing. These movies were very popular during their time and it’s not surprising why they are still today. I recommend both these movies to any anybody wanting to watch a good sports movie or looking for a good laugh.
Aliens and Fairies (#3)
Two of my favorite movies, Avatar and Ferngully, bare a striking resemblance because both include humans interacting with some kind of fictional being. First off, in Avatar humans go the the alien planet pandora to mine for resources that earth does not posses and the native people, the Na’vi, are trying to protect their world from the “aliens” mining it. This is the same with Ferngully where humans are deforesting the fairy’s home and the fairies too must protect their world from the damage being done by the invaders. Second, both movies have a human that fights for the indigenous people, in Avatar Jake Sully becomes an alien using an avatar body while in Ferngully Zack Young is shrunk to the size of a fairy and helps them save the rainforest. Third, Avatar and Ferngully both have within them a human falling for an inhuman character, Jake Sully falls in love with the chief’s daughter and Zack Young falls in love with the leader of the fairy’s daughter. These three similarities and many more are what made me choose Ferngully to compare with Avatar and I highly suggest that you watch both films for yourself.
Do you Believe? (#4)
Two films, one sinister nun. The Nun 2 provide scenes where you’ll scream at the screen, build intensity of what comes next, and conjure you into their character development. The Nun 2 was oddly the first one I watched over The Nun. I was genuinely impressed how well the jump scares got me. The scenes were dark and eerie enough for me to actually scream in my seat. The intense fear I experienced was too overwhelming that I had to cover my eyes and ears to alleviate the terror. The seats shook and the speakers blasted as my eyes blazed at the screen in dred when the main character seems to have killed the spirit but, before she knows that it’s still alive, she drops the one stone that if in its hands, will no longer need a host to do its bidding. As the protagonist is about to be burned alive by the demonic nun, she thinks of her mother, believes in miracles, and saves herself. The nun in the second movie is very quickly introduced by being in one of the very first scenes. Sarah's character, the deuteragonist, development is marked by her transition from a non-believer to a determined fighter against the supernatural. This adds depth and relatability to her character. That same relatability can also be found in Sophie. A young girl attending the catholic school who, later, helps fight against the nun. The Nun 2 had more jump scares than the first movie. However, within just a couple minutes I found myself knowing when the jump scares were going to happen. I let my crunched up legs back down to the floor of the theater after about the fifth jump scare. The intensity built up in scenes when in the movies’ background sound would suddenly go quiet and you’d hear a constant, loud “BWAAHHH” sound. Watching The Nun after The Nun 2 gave away the intensity and anticipation of the almost identical first scenes. Both having an intense encounter with the demon right away. It gives a little bit of backstory and character development when Father Burke's story is explained, how he had a previous exorcism and it failed. That backstory does need to be in the movie to understand the plot better but, it really doesn’t add much to the development of main characters. Irene, who is the main character and also a nun, gets tiny flashbacks of her mom in scenes which don't give much either to who she is, or where she is from. Despite their differences, The Nun and The Nun 2 stand as testaments to the Conjuring Universe's ability to evoke terror, offering audiences unique journeys into the heart of darkness.
And…Action! (#5)
With technology advancing every year, we find that new movies are better than old ones. Tom Cruise stars in his most recent film Mission Impossible- Rogue Nation. We find fresh ideas, better graphics, and realistic feelings from watching this film. Top Gun also starring Tom Cruise, was a spectacular action packed adventure-for its time. However watching the advances in technology change, it brings us to the realization that older movies aren't as good. To be fair we call them “classics”. In Mission Impossible, we find this sequel to have a more twisted and complexed storyline as the MIA Agents struggle to stop another ghost agency threatening to destroy them. With each movie, each mission becomes more and more impossible with the challenges each character faces. In Top Gun, a film about a U.S. Navy air fighter competing against other top notch pilots, has a simple storyline with a few twists. A basic underdog story with against the head honcho plot to keep you interested. The biggest change we have made throughout movie technology is the graphics. Top Gun had what seemed like outstanding graphics focusing on the planes sounds, twists, and turns gliding through the sky. We thought what could be better? Years have past and today we find the same actor, same genre, with different directors, and advanced special effects bringing much more to the table. Mission Impossible knocking everything out of the park, with each car chase, fight scene, and underwater excitement, you are literally holding your breath with the actors. Realistic effects guiding you through the entire movie bringing you chills when you walk out. If that is the kind of movie 2015 has to offer, I can’t wait to see Mission Impossible become a “classic”.
The Best of Two Greats (#6)
Few things in life are given, most have to be earned. With that said I’ve found that the movie Goon earned my top sport movie replacing The Longest Yard (2005). Now both are great movies, don’t get me wrong; Goon just takes the cake with what I want out of a movie. First off we have humor, while the humor in The Longest Yard is great, but personally I feel like it's lacking in realisticness of crude levels of humor. I mean they’re in prison you think prisons family friendly. Goon on the other hand shows you real locker room crudeness and bar talk in a funny way. It may be a little more x rated in in humor, but it still is an accurate illustration of the humor you could find in these settings. Second, While I really love Goon I have to hand it the The Longest Yard character development is top notch and pulls you into the main character life altering choices while in prison. Goons development is good but the main character mainly changes those around him for the better and honestly it's not that much compared to The Longest Yard.Third, The accuracy in these films I feel is off the charts, but Goon just might have blown the roof off. The Longest Yard has the original Cast members from the 1974 version I feel like they play out gags more than tell a accurate story, and Goon does the opposite while there is some gags they are not taking away from the story they add to it. In conclusion I feel as though goon while a little lacking in development is clearly the better choice out of the the two, and if you don't believe me, watch them and find out.
Birdman Vs. Her (#7)
The reason I am comparing these two movies that are not very similar to each other is because I didn't know much about the movies except they were award winning movies until I actually started watching them. Birdman and Her are two of the best movies you will ever watch. they are very different but they both hit the spot. One main thing they are very different in is the cast. Birdman is a star filled cast. In the other hand Her is just 1 actor most of the time. even though they have difference in numbers the actors in both movies sure knew how to play their parts. A second thing that differentiates the two films is the story. Birdman is a story about an old actor who wanted to be accepted by the who world. Her is a story about an outcast just trying to find the one person for him. both main characters had very different objectives in life but both of their stories were told very very well. The third difference that caught my attention was the movie soundtrack. Birdman was more of a loud, instrumental, in your face, jazzie soundtrack. The soundtrack in Birdman had a very angry feeling. The soundtrack in Her was a lot more mellow. It involved a lot of single, simple instrument playing. The soundtrack in Her makes you feel more of a relaxed, accepting feeling. Although both movies are very different, I would strongly recommend watching both of them.
True Loves (#8)
Comparing two different movies out of so many is like choosing an apple from an orchard. With that being said, I chose two of Nicholas Sparks movies to compare. The Best of Me and The Notebook. They are similar but different in their own ways. To start, both are romance movies, although they are in the same situation of having two loves; they have there own little twist. The Best of Me is madly in love high school graduates that was ripped apart by parents and the guilt of holding each other back from life goals. The Notebook was more a love at first sight type story but when the man goes to serve in WWII the love fizzled away. In both movies, the sight of the previous significant other made all the love and feelings spiral back and even stronger at that. In each movie there was a character that tried to get ahold of another everyday for as long as they could until finally giving up with utter disappointment. Both women had a husband/soon to be, although they was still dwelling on what could have been with their past relationship. They realized that the love they had was the love they deserved and longed for. Secondly, the acting quality in both movies was great. All the actors/actresses connected well and was able to play the part that they were asked and was able to accomplish the ultimate goal of make two heartfelt movies. Both movies allowed to you feel the emotions and love that they had. Lastly, both movies were given the rated PG-13 and I feel if that is an accurate rating. The movies both have scenes that display the affection the men and women have for each other but other than that the movies are fairly friendly to most viewers of that age. In closing, both movies are worth 2 hours of your day to yank at your heart and touch your soft side.
Comparing the Sequels (#9)
When you see a good movie, of course you’re going to watch the sequel. With 21 Jump Street and 22 Jump Street both being great movies, there comes similarities and differences. First, of course, the synopsis is the same. The only difference is that the characters are going to college instead of high school again. Basically, 22 Jump Street is part two of 21 Jump Street but in a different setting. Second, the characters are still the same. In most sequels, you would expect to see a new cast living the storyline. The only thing that changed in 22 Jump Street with the cast is that there were new actors. The new actors helped make the synopsis advance to be funnier than the first movie. The third difference is the relationship between the characters. In the first movie, Jenko and Schmidt weren’t at the brotherly level that they wanted to be at. In the second movie, it’s more realistic to see them pretend to be brothers because they have a better connection with each other. They both understand each other’s sarcasm and humor better than the first movie from when they first “met.” They also retain their great personalities from the first movie that everyone loves. I personally would love to see a third from the Jump Street series.