"The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do."

— Thomas Jefferson

When we talk about editing, we're talking about the end-stages of your writing project, when you start to really tinker with your words and sentences to make your writing shine.

I had a teacher that summed up nicely why editing should always be the very last part of your writing process: "Because a highly-polished piece of crap is still a piece of crap."

Don't waste your time fixing all the little errors when there are bigger things that need your attention. But when you finally get to this point, when the higher-order concerns have all been dealt with, then it's time to make your paper shine. If you wait until the end to edit—after you have revised—then what you end up with will undoubtedly be a highly-polished gem.

Striking a Conversational Tone

One of the easiest ways to write a paper that no one ever wants to read is to be either too formal or too informal. On the spectrum of academic style, we could place overly-informal on the left and overly-formal on the right, and right in the middle is the enviable place we call “conversational.”

Overly Informal ------------ Conversational ------------ Overly Formal

Striking a conversational tone in your writing isn’t always easy. Slang words, clichés, vague phrasing, and politically-incorrect terms can quickly tip the scale from conversational to overly-informal, thus hurting your credibility and losing your readers' attention. Likewise, over-inflated words, passive sentences, pretentious phrasing, and esoteric terminology can tip your writing the opposite direction to overly-formal--making your paper stuffy, officious, wonky, clunky, hard to read, or boring. Unfortunately, many academics, professors, and other professionals tend to feel that being overly-formal somehow validates how complex and important their work is. To that I say, “Who cares how important your work is if no one wants to read it!”

Aim for a conversational tone in your academic writing. It isn’t as simple as just “writing like you speak,” but that’s not a bad place to start. If you find yourself lobbing about words that you normally wouldn’t use in everyday conversation, like thusly, whilst, henceforth, supercilious, punctilious, and aforementioned, then you might just want to replace them with words you actually use. Sometimes, you won’t be able to avoid big, formal, complicated words, especially if you’re writing a paper in which you have to demonstrate that you know the vocabulary of that particular discipline. But even then, tread lightly; remember, your reader is a human being, not an automated scoring machine. Even if your only reader is your professor who invented half the concepts in the subject you’re studying, still write your paper in a conversational tone.

Sometimes, turning your paper from overly-formal or overly-informal to conversational is as easy as just changing a few words. Here are a few of these types of words that you might want to avoid in your writing.

Slang

Slang words are informal and often colorful—the type of language you might use with friends while talking about nothing in particular. There is nothing wrong with slang, and in small doses it can actually make your writing stronger, especially if you are trying to capture the personality and flavor of someone's way of speaking. But in most cases, there isn't much room for it in academic writing. If a word feels excessively informal, trite, or colorful, try using a different word instead.

Consider the following sentences that rely on slang:

• • My sister freaked out when her phone died.

  • He bit it big time on his skateboard and busted his arm.

  • The new super-hero movie is sick.

  • Ted hit on Bridget, but she gave him the cold shoulder.

How would you edit these to make them more academic and conversational? Here’s my attempt:

• • My sister started panicking when her phone died.

  • He wrecked on his skateboard and broke his arm.

  • The new super-hero movie is incredible.

  • Ted tried asking Bridget on a date, but she refused to talk to him.

Jargon

Jargon is similar to slang, but it's usually associated with professions and workplaces and academic disciplines. It's the way dental-hygienists talk to dentists. It's the way fast-food employees convey orders to the cooks. Jargon is a shorthand between people who know a lot about a subject and don't need to explain everything to each other.

If you are writing to coworkers or people who will understand the jargon, it's not a bad thing. But in general, it should be avoided. If you are writing an essay or web article and you know some of your readers aren't specialists in whatever you're writing about, try to tone it down (or dumb it down).

Consider this passage from an engineering report:

"While drilling the riserless sections, PAD mud density was used to calculate downhole EMW. Pressure While Drilling data was collected and compared against the pre-drill Shmin and FG curves to monitor fracture margin. The ECDs during this section ranged between 8.94-10.22 ppg, which allowed for sufficient drilling margin."

I have NO IDEA what is being said. I asked one of my engineering students to decipher it. This is what he said:

"We drilled a test hole, taking note of mud density and pressure, and determined it would be safe to continue drilling."

The first passage would be fine if it was an internal memo at your engineering firm and everyone used the same jargon. But if a client or non-engineer will be reading it, then perhaps the second dumbed-down version would be better (and more conversational!).

Clichés

A cliché is an expression that has been worn out through constant use. At one time, the particular cliché was a fresh, original way of expressing something, which is why it became popular. But through years of overuse, it has lost its power. When someone says they are going to “hit the hay,” you likely wouldn’t marvel at what a word-smith they were--but a couple centuries ago, when some young buck, showing his poetic side, said "I'm going to hit the hay," I'm sure the ladies swooned and men marveled.

There are thousands of clichés. In fact, some folks have created entire websites and databases to document clichés and their origins:

• • http://www.westegg.com/cliche/

  • http://www.be-a-better-writer.com/cliches.html

  • http://cliche.theinfo.org/

Here are just a few clichés you might recognize:

• • Actions speak louder than words

  • Easier said than done

  • Ignorance is bliss

  • All of a sudden

  • Take it for a spin

  • It dawned on me

  • Better safe than sorry

  • At a loss for words

If you’re not sure if a word or phrase or idea is a cliché, but you suspect it might be, then go ahead a swap it out for something more original.

Clichés can occur in ways other than phrases. Words can become cliché, and in the Internet age, it happens quickly. Just a few years ago, it was kind of cool and original to refer to something as "green"--as in, "our office is going green," or, "this is a green community." Green, here, means eco-friendly, low waste, recycling, and so on. But now, everything is green, so when someone claims something is green, no one really cares. The same thing has happened with organic. Walk down any aisle at Walmart and you'll see the phrase really doesn't mean much anymore as organic labels are put on everything from diapers to batteries.

There are also "patterns" in writing and storytelling that have become cliché. I hate, for example, the alarm-clock opening for personal essays: "The alarm goes off at six o'clock," and then the rest of the paper is dedicated to telling me how awful your day was, and it ends with you going back to sleep that night having had some great epiphany about life. I'm sure the first person who wrote that essay was a true trailblazer, but now I've read too many of those essays to really be impressed. Likewise, I am not wowed by "dictionary definition" beginnings to essays and speeches. "Webster's dictionary defines marriage as..." I'm already asleep. I've read too many essays that start this way.

Clichés also happen in storytelling, like TV shows and movies. We usually call these "tropes." For example, someone who is being chased through a parking lot will inevitably drop their keys, or their car won't start. While it might add suspense, it's hardly a surprise to the viewer. It's been done too many times. It's become cliché.

Whether you're using a word, writing a phrase, telling a story, or structuring an essay, ask yourself if what you're doing is really that fresh and original, or if you're doing it simply because it's easy and you've seen or heard it done that way a million times. If it feels like a cliché, change it up. Instead of saying, "Our company has gone green," tell us exactly what your company has done: "Our company has installed recycling bins in every cubicle." Instead of starting your essay with a Webster's dictionary definition, start with an interesting story (and define your terms later).

Pay attention when you read and when you watch movies and television shows. You'll start to see clichés everywhere, including your own writing, and it will be that much easier to avoid them.

One thing to keep in mind though: this is a chapter on editing. When writing your draft, it's okay to use as many clichés as you want. Just be glad you got something on paper. But then be sure to go back and edit out as many as you can!

Generic Words

You probably use generic words like good, bad, so, very, a lot, many, such, great, and wonderful all the time. If you stop and think about it, though, you’ll see that these words don't convey precise information. If you find yourself using such a word, try to find a more specific one instead.

Generic:

The pizza wasn't very good.

So many people were at my house.

Writing instructors are so wonderful.

Edited to be More Specific:

The pizza was cold and tasted like cardboard.

Two dozen people were crammed into my living room.

Writing instructors are kind, witty, and pleasant to be around.

Wordiness

You don't have to use complex wording to express complex thoughts. If you can say something in one word, don't use two. Here is an example of what this looks like using E.B. White’s own advice:

Wordy version:

"If it is at all possible for you to say something that would otherwise be considered by some as simple, then it doesn't make sense for you to rely on the use of more than one word, such as two or three, to adequately express the same or similar thought."

Succinct version:

"Use the smallest word that does the job."

Wordy sentences don't necessarily sound "smarter" or more sophisticated. They are just more tedious to get through, and you run the risk of losing your reader's attention.

Here is a list of a few wordy expressions and their revisions:

Hyper-fluency

Similar to being "wordy," you might be tempted to use hyper-fluent, inflated, or pretentious words when you want to sound smart or be taken seriously. The problem, though, is that often by choosing these words instead of a more common, appropriate word, you end up sounding ridiculous. And—too often—you end up using the word incorrectly. If you're not sure whether or not to use the common word or the pretentious word, opt for the common word. For example, if choosing between supercilious and arrogant, go with arrogant. If choosing between punctilious and thorough, go with thorough. The exception would be if you are writing a paper to a very specific group of people who use a certain vocabulary. For example, if you are writing an article for fellow scholars of rhetoric, then using a word like reification is okay.

There's a clip I like to show my students that comes from the TV show Friends. [1] It demonstrates perfectly what hyper-fluency looks like and why inexperienced writers are attracted to it.

Monica and Chandler want to adopt a baby, so they ask their friend Rachel to write them a letter of recommendation. Their other friend, Joey, feels slighted and wants to write a letter too. Soon, he finds it is more difficult than he had thought, and he says, "I want it to sound smart, but I don't know any big words or anything." His buddy, Ross, shows him the thesaurus feature on his computer. He gives Joey the bad advice of just highlighting any word he wants and then choosing the smarter-sounding option. Joey finishes his letter and gives it to Monica and Chandler who have a difficult time understanding it. Instead of writing "They are warm, nice people with big hearts," he writes, "They are humid, prepossessing homo-sapiens with full-sized aortic pumps." He had changed every word of the letter using the thesaurus, right down to the closing line. Instead of signing it "Joey," he signed it, "Baby Kangaroo." When Chandler gives him a look of disbelief, Joey says, "I really mean it, dude."

Often, when you resort to hyper-fluency, about the biggest compliment you'll receive from the reader is that you sure know how to use your thesaurus. And believe me, that is not a compliment.

Click here if the embedded video doesn't work: https://youtu.be/B1tOqZUNebs

Redundancy

Redundancy is when you say the same thing twice. When you same something twice, even if you word it differently, it's redundant. Sometimes it occurs in the same paragraph (perhaps two sentences that convey the same point or literally use the same words), or it can occur when one paragraph says essentially the same thing as another paragraph.

Redundancy can also occur when the same word is used multiple times in one sentence or paragraph. Some quick fixes include joining sentences together, using pronouns, or finding synonyms. If, for example, you are writing about college, then try using a variety of synonyms, such as university, school, higher education, and academia, so that you don’t end up saying college ten times in a row. Consider the following sentences. Which is easier and more pleasant to read—the first with college repeated three times, or the second that uses synonyms?

Sentence with Redundant Words:

Most college students attend college while living at home so they can save money since college isn’t cheap.

Edited to Avoid Redundancy:

Most college students attend school while living at home so they can save money since higher-education isn’t cheap.

Redundancy is common in first drafts. Logistically, it is easy to edit. You just delete or replace the repeated words or phrases. Emotionally, though, it often leads to a "kill your darlings" moment, especially if you're just barely at the minimum page requirement. Deleting even a couple sentences might jeopardize your grade. My students are often resistant to deleting any material. Don't fall into this trap. It isn't worth having redundancy just to have enough pages. Nobody wants to read that. Delete the repeated material and find some underdeveloped ideas to expand—you'll make up the page count in no time.

Also, if you use a synonym to avoid redundancy, be sure that it actually means the same thing. For example, "behavioral problem" would not be a good synonym for "dyslexia," since dyslexia is a cognitive issue and not a behavioral problem. Using an incorrect synonym can weaken your argument or make you sound silly.

Active Sentences

During the first week of my senior year in high school, my English teacher listed all the forms of the verb to be on the board (be, am, are, is, was, were, and been) and made us write them down.

He then drew a big X through them. He told us for the remainder of the year, we would lose points every time we used any of those words in our writing. And if we used more than three in any assignment, we would receive an F. He might have explained to us the difference between active and passive sentences, but it completely went over my head. All I knew was that those words were poisonous, and I avoided them with a passion. I managed to pass the class, but for the next decade I had severe passive-verb induced anxiety. I wouldn't even use them in casual emails to my supervisor or love-notes to my girlfriend.

While an undergrad in college, however, I received many compliments from my instructors about how energetic and lively my sentences were. It took a while, but I finally figured out it was because I did everything in my power to avoid any form of "to be." It wasn't until I started teaching, and I wrote that same list on the board and put a giant X through it, that I paused to question why these words were so offensive. That's when I learned about the difference between active and passive sentences.

What my teacher had been trying to teach me was that passive sentences usually use a form of to be as the main verb, and it wasn't necessarily that to be was bad but that passive sentences tended to be boring, vague, or clumsy.

Since then, I've eased up on my anxiety. Sometimes, a passive sentence really gets the job done better than an active sentence. But, for the most part, if you have the option, go for the active sentence. Even if your reader doesn't know the difference between the two, he or she will sense it at the subconscious level. Active sentences just feel more rich, lively, engaging, and compelling.

If you don't believe me, read the following sentences out loud. While the active sentences aren't necessarily riveting or nail-biting, they are a lot more energetic than the passive version.

Passive: Mistakes were made.

Active: I made a mistake.

Passive: The paint was dried by the sun.

Active: The sun dried the paint.

Passive: The Tutoring Center is a place where students can go for help with homework.

Active: Students can seek help with homework at the Tutoring Center.

Passive: The food was dropped by the waiter.

Active: The waiter dropped the food.

Passive: Jill was kissed by Jack.

Active: Jack kissed Jill.

To make your writing more active, locate sentences that use any form of “to be” as the operative verb:

am, is, are, was, were, been, be

Try rewriting the sentence so it no longer contains that verb. For example, the passive sentence “The tray was dropped by the waitress” could be changed to “The waitress dropped the tray.”

Not every sentence needs to be active. If you find that your sentence loses its meaning or impact by changing it, then you might want to leave it passive. Sometimes, passive sentences can be more effective.

Also, using a “to be” verb to assist an -ing verb does not make the sentence passive. For example, “I am writing a book,” is not passive, because “am” is not the operative verb—“writing” is.

For your reading pleasure, here are several passive sentences my students (in a first-year writing course) have identified in early drafts of their papers that they then revised into active sentences. I'll let you judge if the final version is better.

Passive: The house I grew up in was in downtown Las Vegas.

Revised: I grew up in downtown Las Vegas.

Passive: The school was run by a crappy principal.

Revised: Our principal did a terrible job running the school.

Passive: I went through a phase in middle school when I started to hate reading.

Revised: In middle school, I began to hate reading.

Passive: It was a hard day, and when I came home there was a plate full of cookies my grandma had made.

Revised: My grandma, seeming to sense I was having a hard day, left a plate of freshly-baked cookies on the counter for me.

Passive: Everything is first class with the Mazda, from the sleek hatchback style, to the alloy 18 inch wheels, and the eye blinding xenon lights.

Revised: The Mazda oozes with first-class luxury, from the sleek hatchback style, to the alloy eighteen-inch wheels and the eye-blinding xenon lights.

Passive: Style is a must have when driving one of the hottest cars on the market, but so is being comfortable also and the Mazdaspeed 3 has both of those packages.

Revised: When driving one of the hottest cars on the market, you want style. You want comfort. You want the Mazdaspeed 3.

Passive: Writing to me was the biggest waste of time and as a child I just didn’t see the point.

Revised: As a child, I refused to write; I didn’t want to waste my time on something so pointless.

Passive: The color of the pictures may come to be over saturated and less realistic to some.

Revised: Some might find the pictures over-saturated and less realistic.

Passive: When it comes down to audio the Galaxy is the winner.

Revised: When it comes to audio, the Galaxy wins.