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Wow, a short intro cut scene after some freaky title screens. Everything about this game screams twisted 80s horror film -- especially with all the blood and purple stuff that seems to be all over everything. But before we continue, let's break down what the 7 characters (from left to right) that we can choose from can do -- since we can only take 3 of them into the mansion with us.
Character 1: Dave
Dave is a tuna head and all around failure. He is completely worthless dead weight in this game, but we have to save his cheerleader girlfriend Sandy who has been captured by Doctor Fred who is under the control of an evil slimy meteor and lives in the house with his horse faced wife Nurse Edna and his paramilitary daydreaming son Ed. Also, did I mention there's a dead guy in their shower? And two Tentacle creatures in the house? The Edisons are messed up.
At any rate, we're stuck taking Dave. But we get to choose two more.
Character 2: Razor
Razor is a personal favorite of mine for her punk soundtrack (even on 8-bit it sounds amazing), and she can play the piano in the house. She's also not afraid of anything. She's good if you want to get a recording contract. Or if you want to see if your copy of the game will let you nuke Ed's hamster in the microwave.
Character 3: Bernard
Bernard is your typical geek or nerd character, who you'd expect to find hanging out on the internet (probably Reddit in this day and age). And he has some significant uses in this game. He can use the tools to fix the telephone or the broken wires in the attic. Also, he's a total chicken and will run at the first sign of green tentacle. I usually roll with him if I want to fix the telephone to keep Nurse Edna away from her attic safe. Also, he can fix the radio to call the Meteor Police (yeah, that poster wasn't meaningless after all).
Character 4: Syd
Basically a Razor ripoff. Except he's a dude and his music isn't as good. And he obviously wears his sunglasses at night (not to mention indoors...).
Character 5: Wendy
Wendy is handy if you want to type up the manuscript for The Meteor. She is the only person who can use the typewriter (yeah, that item is functional in this game, too). Just don't forget the stamps. Also, I am on the fence about whether or not they modeled Wendy's icon after Boy George or not. Wendy's ending was the last one I figured out how to achieve in this game.
Character 6: Jeff
Jeff is a self proclaimed "surfer dude" who happens to compete with Dave for how much dead weight he can be. He's sad because his radio is stuck in the mansion's pool. All he can do of not is fix the telephone. Which is the only thing he can do that Dave can't. But on the flip side, you could just take Bernard and be head over heels further along.
Character 7: Michael
Michael has a fairly solid soundtrack as well, and his talent is that he can develop the microfilm that shows up after Ed's commando package (they're his "plans" or something). He's pretty handy in that regard, and his skills are the first way I ever figured out how to beat the game many years ago.
[Editor's note: At this time, I had the users vote for who they wanted to see me play as, and the results were:
Dave - X
Razor - 5
Bernard - 6
Syd - 3
Wendy - 0
Jeff - 1
Michael - 2
And as a result of this vote, our team of three was Dave, Bernard, and Razor.]
With this fine team of Dave, Bernard, and Razor selected (one that I often run with myself when I want to tinker with this game), we should have no problems getting two fairly typical endings to this game.
Also, it is interesting how if you watch this screen, the characters make different faces at you (by moving their mouths).
This could be dangerous. So Dave brought along a punk girl and a geek squad member.
He is a brutal genius.
Wow, he called him a tuna head. I'm glad I wasn't in high school in the 80s. The insults must have been terrible.
That reminds me of the original A Nightmare On Elm Street where somebody says "Up Yours With A Twirling Lawn Mower". So if we're trying to achieve parity with 80s slasher flicks; we're pretty much on target.
Benard. So much of a wimp, he's too afraid to even leave.
Priceless.
Also for the longest time I thought he had a microphone tucked under his left arm -- only later realizing it is a shirt pocket (invariably with a pocket protector in it).
Wow Dave. You've really thought this whole thing through, haven't you?
And I'm not even touching Razor's comment with a ten foot pole. I'd avoid the good doctor like the plague.
Alright, time for us to take control of this situation and do some exploration.
A good take on the "Trespassers will be shot on sight!" sign, IMO.
Also, given how easy it is to kill off a character in this game (or blow up the mansion, even accidentally), this sign is not to be taken lightly.
That's right, every time you read the sign - the number changes. So much for hoping it may be a number that is important to us later, lol.
I don't like their landscaper. Let me take care of these bushes while I'm at it.
I mean, I'm already trespassing, right? So what's a little property damage...
I suddenly become aware of how much like Room Escape this is. Only with more stuff, not done in flash, and you're breaking and entering instead of trying desperately to get out...
Wow, the key WAS under the door mat. Some evil genius this Fred guy is.
...Unless this is a trap? And he just kidnapped Sandy to trick a bunch of teenagers to show up so he could use them as human fuel for his Soylent Purple machine.
This is starting to sound like a plot to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Just to be a jackass, let's ring the doorbell, shall we? Trolling is fun.
Well, it must be some important package. But what's more fun is to keep ringing it as he's on his way down.
Like we can hear you in your giant mansion, you tool. Seriously, if we were any one of several package shipping companies, you'd have merely heard the sound of the package hitting your front door and we'd have vanished.
Hey man, we just wanted to give you a copy of The Watchtower!
There's nothing wrong with entering a strange family's house unannounced, right? At least if they kidnapped your girlfriend, anyway?
Yeah, nothing wrong with entering a strange family's house... Especially when said people have... Blood splatters and a chainsaw in their kitchen?
Eeek!
Ack, I got busted by Nurse Edna! She's running around in some sort of nurse outfit even though we're not sure she ever leaves the house any more than her husband or son.
And obviously there's a radioactive source in this house, look at her skin tone. She's like an off shade of turquoise!
Don't be a square, Edna, nobody likes a narc! Not cool.
But I think the bigger issue here is WHY DO YOU HAVE A FULL SIZED DUNGEON IN YOUR BASEMENT!?
The best place to put a secret lab of all time. If only we had a way to get through these padlocks...
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