Country: U.S. - Elevation: 6,289 Feet - Maximum Pitch: 90 Degrees - Highest Sustained Winds: 231 mph - Latitude: 44 degrees N
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A Few Thoughts
I once saw a definition of backcountry skiing that ended with, "....backcountry skiers are considered to be a little unhinged by most people." I never really considered that my hobby made me an outlier, and I didn't decide to do it on a whim. Venturing into the backcountry for me was the result of a deliberate decision to break patterns and regain something that I had lost. Without getting into unnecessary detail, three years ago, I came to the realization that I was merely existing. I was going through the motions of life; thinking, planning and acting without any direction or purpose. I was stuck in a routine of working, eating, sleeping, and paying bills, but I wasn't living. It dawned on me that life was meant to be lived, not watched and dissected like a pointless movie.
I remembered a question posed to me during a futile attempt at marriage counselling many years ago. I was asked a fairly simple question. If I had an empty room, what would I fill it with? The catch was that it had to be things just for me. I was shocked to discover that I couldn't think of anything. I was so immersed in the daily grind that I was neglecting myself. More importantly, I was unaware that I had allowed myself to get to this point. Sure, I was doing my best to work hard, provide for my family and raise my son, but I had become an empty vessel, without self or purpose. Life demanded that I adhere to the status quo.
Then it all changed. I reached a turning point that is best summed up by one of my favorite Anthony Bourdain quotes:
"I remember the moment I first realized I’ve been living my whole life in black and white. It was like discovering a color I never knew existed before. A whole new crayon box full of colors, that was it for me. From then on, there was no putting the pieces back together. No going home. Things were different now."
Anthony was talking about an experience during a trip to Asia. My moment was personal and happened closer to home, but it was cathartic. The only thing I can say is that I immediately discovered a profound and deeper appreciation for life. If you've had such a moment, you know what I'm describing, if you haven't, don't worry - you'll know it when it happens. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I knew things had to change.
It was on a ski trip in Utah a few weeks later that I rediscovered my passion for skiing. For the previous 20 years, ski trips had been a stressful exercise in planning, logistics, organization and finance. The next time you're at a ski resort, pay close attention. You'll see the stress. Parents yelling at screaming kids who've misplaced their gear, people fighting over seats at the slopeside grill, and chaotic, crowded lift lines. I saw it at Deer Valley during my trip to Utah and it made me reconsider if my annual routine was worth the effort. It culminated with a father yelling at his teary-eyed child to stop complaining and have more fun.
Then I noticed a guy with his skis slung over his shoulder, climbing a ridge line to an imposing peak that was obviously out of bounds. The peak consisted of a wind-blown cornice that dropped into a steep and rugged bowl. The skier eventually made the top of the ridge, donned his skis and effortlessly dropped in, perfect in form. It seemed like he was moving in slow motion - probably due to the distance between us. He eventually disappeared into the trees at the base of the bowl - revealing to me that there was more to skiing than I had been led to believe.
I stared at the cornice for three days, debating not whether I was going to attempt it, but when and how. On the last day of skiing, I rented a helmet (that seemed to be the prudent thing to do), and worked my way to the base of the ridge line. I retraced the skier's path through the trees and along the ridge line. Doing my best impersonation, I stomped into my skis, took a deep breath and did it. After making it to the bottom, I knew I was done with resort skiing. From then on, I'd earn my turns.
I've spent the last three years adding things to my empty room - it's filling up fast. What's in your's?