Mapp's Centenary Dilemma

Elizabeth Mapp-Flint was shocked when she looked in the bathroom mirror that morning. She was out of bed early hoping to do all her chores before visiting the hairdressers but looking in the mirror had changed her mind.

‘Oh no!’ She thought ‘more grey hairs and where did all the wrinkles come from!’ She was sure she’d gone grey overnight; they hadn’t been there last time she looked. She was in competition with other members of the town. Lucia always look immaculate, wearing the latest fashionable clothes and hair style. Even Diva Plaistow tried her best, but no dress sense, Elizabeth thought.

Her husband’s golf club were celebrating their centenary in a few days and she wanted to make sure she was ready to support him at the ceremony by getting her hair permed and buying a new hat to set it off. He was to unveil the new wall plaque and make a speech about the wonderful effect the golf club was having on the people of Tilling. He'd been rehearsing all week so she felt she needed to be by his side when the time came.

When Benjy told her about the golf club ceremony her immediate reply was, ‘centenary! Benjy are you sure? I thought the club had been going less than a hundred years.’ Even though several members were about a hundred or looked as though they were.

‘Um…yes it may be less but I thought it would raise the profile of the club if we held a ceremony. We are hoping to get a grant from the council to improve the club house. Getting a bit dilapidated you know and I’ve been promised to be made an honouree member, which means I won’t have to pay any more subscriptions.’

‘An honouree member how wonderful. Why are they doing that for you?’

‘Well I more-or-less paid for the plaque so it was a way of rewarding me I suppose.’

Elizabeth was unsure if the council would give the club a grant. The mayor was very careful about how he spent council money and giving some to the golf club seemed a bit unlikely.

She pushed her hair into a bun and tied a scarf round her head. When she arrived in the dining room Benjy was already there reading the paper. In the morning it was almost impossible to get a word out of him until he’d finished reading the paper. She sat down and poured herself a cup of tea. ‘Benjy, I feel a hundred years old never mind your golf club.’ She said as she sat down to breakfast.

‘Umph’ was the only reply she got as he turned a page.

’ Yes Benjy a hundred. I feel like it should be my centenary not the golf club’s,’

‘Whatever you say old girl.’ He replied not looking up.

Grabbing the top of the paper she pulled it down, ‘look at me Benjy! How old do I look?’

‘What! .. Oh yes very nice, did you get your hair done specially for the ceremony? Nice scarf too.’

‘No Benjy, I’ve not been to the hairdressers yet and you’re not listening. I’m not going to the ceremony looking like this.’

‘Like what? You look just fine to me.’

‘I’m going grey and look at all my wrinkles.’

‘You’ve always looked like that what’s all the fuss about, no one will notice a few grey hairs.’

‘They will! Look at Lucia she’s not a grey hair on her head and Georgie … well he’s not a good example, but Susan always looks perfect. I can’t go to the ceremony looking like this.’

‘What can you do about it? I’m sure with a bit of powder and that nice scarf you’ll look fine.’

‘I won’t look fine. I’m going to the hairdresser today to get sorted out.’

‘Whatever you say but make sure you’re sorted out by Saturday I want you standing by my side when I unveil the plaque you know.’

The whole notion of a brass plaque had been his idea put forward at the last committee meeting. He told them he’d contacted a friend in London for a special inscription that included the words, ‘unveiled by Major Mapp-Flint’ with the date below. The committee hadn’t been altogether happy about this as they felt the mayor should have been asked to do the unveiling, but as Benjy had donated most of the cost of the plaque they had little choice.

The truth was that Benjy’s friend in London had been in the regiment with him in the Punjab and they’d stayed connected over the years. He arranged with him to provide the plaque for very little cost so although Benjy made a big fuss about paying for it, his donation was small compared to what he claimed from the club funds. They had discussed the arrangements at the last committee meeting and Algernon Wyse said that as he intended to travel up to London he would be able to pick it up. Benjy gave him his friends address for the collection.

Algernon had been furious that Benjy had taken over the arrangements. He’d been involved with the golf club for many years and although unsure if they had been around for so long, he would have like to organise the plaque himself. When Benjy suddenly donated towards the cost he realised he couldn’t put up an objection. The inscription on the plaque was another matter. He decided to have a word with other members of the committee before he left for London. Even though he knew they would have no objection to Benjy taking on the unveiling, he didn’t agree and resolved to do something about it by next Saturday.

***

The weather was fine so Elizabeth decided to walk into town on her visit to the hairdresser. She pulled on some stout shoes as she found the trip rather taxing at times and set off at a brisk pace. The town was quiet when she arrived, it still being early. Looking at the town hall clock as she passed she saw it was only ten o’clock. Although she didn’t have an appointment at the hairdressers she hoped they would fit her in being a regular customer. As she was about to turn in the door, it burst open and Dive Plaistow came bustling out.

‘Oh Diva! Do be careful you nearly knocked me over.’

‘Sorry Elizabeth but I have to get the café open by eleven and there’s still much to do. Janet is a blessing but I have to be there to make sure everything is just so.’

Elizabeth observed that Diva was about the same build as herself both being rather portly but she felt she converted her corpulence into magnificent majesty.

‘What a nice scarf my dear, getting your hair done I suppose. Going a bit grey is it?’ Diva said patting her new prem and adjusted her over large hat.

‘Yes Dive darling it happens to us all, even you. Your hair looks a nice shade of brown, had it touched up I suppose.’

‘No need, I have a fine head of auburn hair.’ She buttoned her coat and as she walked away she called back, ‘what you might like to try is Mary’s facial treatment, I think that’s what she calls it. Very soothing and your skin is much better for it.’

‘Really! I’ll scriggle in and ask her about it.’

‘She rubs some special cream into your face and neck. Takes years off as you can see from my perfect complexion.’

‘Yes Diva very nice for your age.’

She had to stop to hold her hat in place as a gust of wind swept the brim up, ‘I hear there’s to be a ceremony at the golf club next Saturday, anything to do with Benjy?’

’It’s the centenary of the club so he’s unveiling a brass plaque. So devoted you know.’

‘Um seems to spend a lot of time in the bar so I hear and not so much on the links. Oh well I’ll see you at the unveiling then.’ With that she hurried off down the road towards her tea house.

***

As Lucia walked down the high street that morning to do her shopping, Susan Wyse pulled up at the side of her and wound the window of her Rolls Royce down.

‘Lucia! What a lovely day I do so hope it stays fine for the unveiling next weekend, don’t you?’

Susan then told her how Algernon was leaving for London in a few days to collect the plaque, ‘he wasn’t altogether happy about it. Apparently Benjy has instructed the maker to put his name on the plaque as the unveiler. Algernon said it should be the Mayor or perhaps the local Member of Parliament but the committee approved it as Benjy virtually paid for the plaque out of his own pocket.’

She watched as Susan drove another few yards to Mr. Twistevant’s shop and passed her shopping list to her driver.

Lucia felt sure it was less than a hundred years that the golf club had been around but as she wasn’t an original resident of Tilling she decided not to say anything but check it out for herself. Leaving the shopping until later she walked on to the town hall in the hope they may have some record on the history of the golf club. As luck would have it the Mayor was just leaving as she turned into the door.

‘Oh Mayor so glad I caught you, I was going to see if I could find anything on the golf club. I’m not sure it’s been around for a hundred years and we don’t want to get it wrong do we?’

‘The club have assured me that it is just about one hundred years they have been established so I have to take their word for it Mrs Pillson but do look through the council archives if you would like to. I’m not sure you’ll find anything though.’

Lucia heard her name called and looking round she saw Quaint Irene peddling slowly past on her bicycle. ‘Catch you later loved one.’ she shouted as she gathered speed and headed towards the high street.

Lucia knew that the council kept a mountain of old paperwork in the basement from her time as mayor so she descended the dark stairwell to what she always thought of as the vaults. It was difficult to sort out what each of the boxes contained. Some did have labels such as ‘Council minutes’ and ‘building repair work’ written on the top. She pulled several boxes aside and found one that said, ‘other council budgets’. She wasn’t sure but hoped that the council had supported the golf club when they set up as they probably had very little money at first. Rooting through the box she eventually, at the very bottom, found a file labelled ‘Golf Club’. She could hardly believe her luck. Opening the file she discovered various bills and invoices. None of any use. She was just about to give up when she saw, attached to the  underside of the lid, a small leaflet that looked relevant. There was a picture of the club house on the front and the first page read. ‘Early years’.  Lucia scanned through the first page and stuffed it into her pocket with a satisfied smile.

Georgie had been busy cleaning and rearranging his bibelots. He stood back and decided they look just right. He’d been at it all morning until he felt happy that he’d done a good job. By the time he went downstairs lunch was ready and he met Lucia arriving back from town.

‘Not much shopping.’ He said as she set her empty wicker-basket down in the hall.

‘No but look Georgie what I found in the Town Hall basement.’ She said pulling the leaflet out of her pocket, ‘the golf club didn’t exist until 1893 so not a hundred year old merely fifty five just about half. I thought they were mistaken.’

‘Oh Lucia what a shock! Are you going to tell them?’

‘Here I’ll read some of it out to you. In the early 1890s, golfers in Tilling discussed the possible creation of a golf course. They held a meeting in November 1893 and decided that a Golf Club should be formed with the links to be situated overlooking the sandhills. The first competition took place in February 1894.  A temporary clubhouse was built and by the end of the century there were over 250 members. Lady members were admitted from the start, 32 being enrolled in 1894. There you see Georgie proof of their foundation year.’

‘Well this is a problem. If we tell them people are going to look silly but if we don’t say anything they’ll be telling a lie.’

‘I think I might have a word with Susan. Algernon is going to London in a few days to pick the plaque up perhaps we should stop him before he brings it back and puts it on the club house wall.’

***

Elizabeth was very happy with her ‘makeover’ as the hairdresser called it. Nice tight perm and, when she looked in the mirror, her wrinkles seemed to have almost disappeared. Susan, she remembered, once described her face as ‘corrugated by rage and curiosity’. She was furious with this comment at the time but she did like to think she kept up an active curiosity in her day to day activities.. She didn’t scold Susan for being so scathing but took her words as a complement. She felt that her anger of the actions of others and suspicions of their motives, kept her young and busy. She didn’t think she was a vain woman but now she considered herself to have arrived at ‘middle-aged’, in truth  pushing sixty, she needed to look smart when performing her duties as the wife of an honouree member of the golf club.

As she left the hairdressers and proceeded down the high street she spotted Mr. Wyse further up the road. Over the years he had failed to keep up with modern trends; he wore a velveteen coat that she seen him wear for years and rather worn looking knickerbockers. ‘He looked ready to play golf,’ she thought ‘I’ll ask him what he thinks about the ceremony’.

‘Mrs Mapp-Flint, so peasant to see you.’

He had in fact only seen her two days ago in virtually the same spot.

‘Busy as usual I see.’

‘Yes Benjy has asked me to buy some flowers for the golf club’s ceremony. I hope Mr Twistevant will be able to deliver them in time.’

‘How delightful! I’m sure it will be a wonderful event Susan and I intend to sit on the front row. I’m going to London tomorrow to collect the commemorative plaque. I hear your husband is to do the honours and unveil it.’

‘Yes he bowed to pressure from the committee, as I understand. So devoted to the club you know.’

‘Yes I’m sure. Well I won’t keep you. Are here’s Susan; we’re collecting some fruit for our tea.’

He said taking a wicker-basket from Mr Twistevant who had emerged from the shop as they talked.

Elizabeth watched as the Rolls Royce drew away. Turning into the door of the shop she heard a screech of breaks and turned to see that Quaint Irene bringing her bicycle to a halt behind her.

‘Well Mapp have you heard the ceremony is a farce, the golf clubs not hundred years old at all.’

‘Quaint one! I don’t know where you get all the nonsense you talk but my Benjy would know the truth of that and I’m sure you’re wrong.’

‘Oh  well it’s up to you but I overheard the Mayor talking to Lucia just now and I’m sure that’s what they were talking about. Shut up as soon as they saw me and they were looking a bit dodgy.’

‘Really Irene darling you do use some silly words. What does dodgy mean? I’m sure you’ve not overheard correctly. Anyway must get on, flowers to order. Au reservoir.’ She called as she disappeared into the shop doorway.

Irene’s words had worried her, she worried that Benjy might be making a big mistake which would not go down well in the town. As soon as she got home she found him in the study. She could see he’d fallen asleep in the big armchair by the fire.

‘Benjy do wake up.’ She said giving him a shake, ‘I’m worried about something.’

‘What… Oh it’s you I thought it was an emergency.’

‘Well it might be, I ran into Quaint Irene this morning and she said she heard Lucia telling the Mayor that the golf club hadn’t been going a hundred years. Did you check you were right?’

‘Yes of course, take no notice I asked some of the retired committee members and they felt sure it was about a hundred years, although they didn’t know the exact date. Old Smithers said when he joined in 1890 they had been going some time, not with a proper club but a few getting together and playing in the park. That was over fifty years ago so I’m sure it would have existed before that.’

‘Benjy you’ve got to have proper proof. Are there any records in the club?’

‘I never looked but I think the club house was built about that time so the club must have been around before. I don’t think we need worry, no one will still be alive who remembers.’

‘Well Benjy I hope you’re right, you know what Lucia’s like if she sets her mind to anything.’ Elizabeth felt there was a problem otherwise Lucia would not be bothering herself with it. She was in a dilemma, if she insisted that Benjy dropped the ceremony it would look just as bad as letting it go through and the lie being exposed. She decided the only thing to do was to confront Lucia and try to establish the truth.

***

The next morning Elizabeth went out to do her shopping wearing her old tweed skirt and jacket and round her neck a long woollen scarf. She purposely didn’t dress-up, the idea  was to look contrite if anyone started to question the viability of the golf club’s centenary. When she arrive on the high street she found Irene and  Diva huddled together. As soon as they spotted her they moved apart pretending to examine some onions outside Mr. Twistevant’s shop. Diva was overdressed in  a combination of rose-madder and Cambridge blue worsted which  Elizabeth felt she’d seen before but decided to be polite and try to get her in a good mood.

‘Darling Diva what a lovely combination of colours how clever of you.’

‘You look very bundled up for this weather. A scarf in September too early.’

Elizabeth felt sure she’d interrupted something as they both looked uncomfortable.

Irene looked quainter than ever in corduroys and bright mauve stockings. ‘Have you thought anymore about the centenary Mapp?’

‘Yes dear Irene so good of you to bring it to my notice and I’ve instructed Benjy to make absolutely sure the dates he has are correct. He did say they were difficult to verify but hoped to be able to prove them correct before the ceremony. Have you see Lucia at all?’ She asked in a casual voice to hide the fact that she worried about meeting her.

‘No, I understand she has gone with Georgie to London for a few days. It was a bit sudden but Georgie assured me they would be back for the unveiling of the brass plaque on Saturday.’ Replied Irene.

‘Oh I’m so pleased it would be a shame for them to miss the event. Do you know why they want to London so suddenly?’

‘No I only saw him as they were leaving but he said they hoped to go to the theatre while they were there.’

‘How nice I’m sure they will have a good time and tell us all about it when they return.’

’Yes I’m sure they will.’ Said Diva giving Irene a knowing look.

‘That puts an end to my confrontation of Lucia’, Elizabeth though as she hurried into the shop.

***

‘We must have an early night old thing. Got to be ready for tomorrow.’

Elizabeth lay in bed unable to sleep for worrying about the centenary. ‘Thank goodness they only happen every hundred years at least I’ll never have to endure one.’

She began to think back to another upset; a bridge party some years ago when she’d fallen out with Captain Puffin, one of Benjy’s dear friends. She remembered Puffin had been drunk at the time and had been rude to her. Benjy came round to see her the next day and had no qualms at the time about throwing his friend overboard and apologising for not supporting her. She smiled to herself as she remembered her words to him. ’You turned your back on me and I lay awake ever so long’. To add to the effect she seemed to remembered dapping her handkerchief to her eyes as she looked up at him. Gradually she must have fallen asleep and strange dreams came to her regarding the incident. She dreamt she took advantage of the situation by making him promise to never see Captain Puffin again and in a babyish voice saying that she must do some shopping otherwise ‘Withers will scold me’. A very unlikely event. She dreamt that Benjy accompanied her on the shopping trip and they stepped out looking very bizarre, dressed as though about to marry. She in a blue-trimmed cloak and Benjy in a top hat, frock-coat and button-hole.

She work up with a start. What a silly dream she thought as though I’d do anything so awful to poor Benjy although at the back of her mind she had the feeling it was all true. Poor old Puffin died not long after and she had felt bad at falling out with him. All this reflection brough to mind other situations where she faced dilemmas and had to stretch the truth a little. She just hoped that the centenary would not be another such event. She did manage to get back to sleep for a few hours before Withers woke her up by opening the curtains.

‘So sorry madam but the Major asked me to wake you.’

‘Thank you Withers, we have a busy morning ahead.’

***

It was the day of the ceremony and when Lucia and Georgie arrived at the club house a few people were already standing about in front of a small curtain pinned to the wall at the side of the main entrance.

‘That must be the plaque, Lucia. Have you seen it yet?’

‘No Georgie looks like everything’s ready. Mellors will have attached it to the wall and fitted that curtain over it.’

‘I suppose Benjy will make a speech about how he’d paid for it and how committed he was to the club.’

‘Well Georgie, I didn’t tell you but Susan phoned yesterday and said we’re in for a bit of a surprise.’

‘Oh I wonder what it will be. Perhaps there’ll be wine and sandwiches.’

‘Yes I would think there will be but that wouldn’t be a surprise so I don’t know what Algernon has up his sleeve.’

As they stood talking Diva turned up with Irene pushing her bicycle alongside her.

‘Don’t worry my darling Lucia, I didn’t give her a lift on my crossbar, I’m saving that thrill for you! We just met at the gate. Anything happened?’

‘Well I’ve brought the papers I found in the town hall cellar so as soon as the plaque is unveiled I intend to expose the truth.’

‘Oh Lucia how brave, poor Elizabeth with have a fit of the vapours for sure.’ Said Diva with a broad smile, ‘poor darling.’ She added as an afterthought.’

There was a sudden commotion behind them and turning Lucia could see The Wyse’s car arriving through the gateway. Being covered in dust as the car drove past, were Elizabeth and Benjy who must have left their car on the road. Quite a crowd had gathered and Lucia could see Padre with his wife Evie emerging from the door of the club with the Mayor and several members of the committee.

The Wyse’s Rolls pulled to a halt at the end of the drive and Susan was helped out by Algernon. Lucia was just about to turn away when she spotted someone else on the back seat of the car. To her surprise Algernon leaned forward and help Olga Bracely down.

‘Look who’s there Georgie. It’s Olga! How wonderful! So good of her to come to our ceremony.’

Georgie shouted ‘Olga!’ and waved his hand. She smiled and nodded as she walked past.

The crowd quietened down as the Mayor stepped forward.

‘Ladies and gentlemen as you can see we are privileged to have the well-known opera singer Olga Bracely with us today. I have asked Algernon Wyse, a member of the golf club committee to say a few words before the plaque in unveiled.’

Elizabeth and Benjy had moved round and were standing beside Susan at the front of the crowd.

‘Benjy, shouldn’t you be saying a few words. What’s happening.’

Elizabeth had decided the only thing she could do was to pretend to faint as soon as the plaque was unveiled to distract attention. She knew it was extreme but couldn’t think of anything else. She looked across at Lucia but was unable to catch her eye.

At that moment Algernon stepped forward. ‘Thank you Mayor. I would first of all like to thank Major Mapp- Flint for his kind donation to the cost of the plaque, without his enthusiasm and organisational skills, I know this event would not have taken place.’

Everyone clapped as Benjy smiled and nodded. Elizabeth began to feel a little better, perhaps she didn’t need to faint after all. She smiled round and caught Benjy’s arm.

‘As we all know our golf club has been in existence for many years so it is appropriate that this should be recorded on this wonderful brass plaque.’ Algernon continued, ‘ I’m sure Major Mapp-Flint won’t mind on this special occasion, I have ask Olga Bracely to do us the honour of unveiling it. I met her in London and she kindly agreed to pull the cord for us.’

A slight murmur went round the crowd and everyone looked at Benjy. Diva felt he looked a little annoyed but he was heard to say, ‘no not at all very nice of her I’m sure.’

‘So with no more delay I’ll ask Miss Bracely to do the honours.’

Olga stepped forward and caught hold of the cord. ‘I unveil this plaque to commemorate the golf club’s foundation.’ She said and pulling the cord, the curtain fell away exposing the plaque. A gasp went up from the audience.

Lucia had been concentrating on when she should disclose the truth and so not paying attention to the unveiling. Georgie gave her a nudge which she took to mean that now was the time. She moved forward waving a sheet of paper. ‘I would like to draw everyone’s attention to something’ she shouted.

Turning to the plaque, she continued, ‘have you all read the plaque? This plaque commemorates the half …Oh!’ she dropped the paper,  ‘Er… half century of the Tilling Golf Club.’

‘Yes Lucia, what was it you want to say?’ Algernon asked.

‘Oh…no nothing I just wanted to read the wording on the plaque. Everything’s fine, such a nice plaque.’

She looked round for Georgie who had run over and caught Olga’s arm. ’Let’s go inside and have a glass of wine. You can tell me how all this came about.’ They disappeared into the club house together.

Benjy looked transfixed. Elizabeth let go of his arm and walking over, pushing Lucia aside. ‘Thank you dear Algernon such a wonderful celebration. I’m so glad you took heed of my reservations about the centenary. Susan must have told you I was worried.’

‘Err … yes I suppose she did, I can’t remember. I thought she said Irene Coles had pointed it out but I’m pleased I checked it up before I went to London. Anyway thank you for your help Elizabeth.’

Benjy suddenly seemed to come to life and in a loud voice said, ‘Before you all go into the cub house, I would like to thank Mr. Wyse for his sterling work in collecting the plaque from London. Luckily he was in time to have the engraver replace my name with Miss Bracely’s. I’m sure we are very privileged to have such an important international figure unveil our little plaque.’

Lucia noted that he made no mention of the word change.

Elizabeth caught hold of Benjy’s arm again. As they walked towards the club house, Diva came hurrying up beside her. ‘Oh Diva hasn’t it been a wonderful ceremony.’ Elizabeth said before she could open her mouth, ‘Don’t say word dear, Benjy doesn’t need any more praise. He’s so modest you know.’

‘Um, I’m not sure about that. I wasn’t going to praise him but I suppose we should a little, as without his urging this lovely event wouldn’t have happened.’ She said rather begrudgingly.

‘Come on Benjy we may as well take advantage of the refreshments and celebrate this HALF century.’

‘Right old thing I’ll follow you….as always,’ he added with a smile.

 This short story is also available on Kindle.