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Valerie~My Inspirational Child
Valerie Smelser's starved, naked body was found in a Clarke County ditch on Jan. 23, 1995. The 12-year-old suffered years of abuse by her mother, Wanda Smelser, and her live-in boyfriend, Norman Hoverter. Wanda Smelser later pleaded guilty to second-degree murder in the girl's death and was sentenced to serve 12 years in prison. Hoverter was convicted of first-degree murder and was sentenced to serve life in prison. The case caused a re-examination of area social services and education monitoring.
My Inspirational Child.....
Tho it has been many yrs ago, the abuse my brother and I endured will always come back to haunt me, but I have and do continue to strive to help others, who still are in silence and fear. I am a cross country motorcycle rider, for many yrs, tho for vacation times, I still am campaigning for "justice for the children". In 1997--I became aware of a Purple Ribbon Memorial Parade in memory of "Valerie"... I call her my "inspirational child", tho we had never met. This rally was to raise funds for abused children in the name of Valerie Smesley, age 12, who died a horrific death at the hands of her own mother and boyfriend, not only abused by being chained to the basement, and hardly fed, she only weighed a meager 89 pounds at death...Tho my brother and I endured horrific and barbaric abuse, this child endured HELL, before her demise, with the boyfriend kicking her down the stair steps, to her death, only for her mother and boyfriend to wrap her limp/abused body in an ole rug, throw her in the back of their car...drove out in the country and dumped her body out beside a country road, kept driving on, even went to a local restaurant to have breakfast...How inhumane this was..The mother was sentenced to 12yrs, the boyfriend got LIFE in prison..this story caused a "raging fire" in my soul I will never forget, but this child inspired me to tell my "own" story for the first time publicly in 1997, and how Knightgale's Raging Fire website was born. There isn't a day that goes by, that I do not think of Valerie, and the many other children still suffering or have already met their demise. Valerie will always give me the strength, to never quit, to continue my life's quest for the children, until my "own demise.
CHILDREN'S 10 COMMANDMENTS
1. My hands are small; please don't expect perfection whenever I make my bed, draw a picture or throw a ball. My legs are short; please slow down so that I can keep up with you.
2. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have; please let me explore safely; don't restrict me unnecessarily.
3. Housework will always be there. I'm only little for such a short time, please take the time to explain things to me about this wonderful world and do so willingly.
4. My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my needs; don't nag me all day long. (You wouldn't want to be nagged for your inquisitiveness). Treat me as you would like to be treated.
5. I am a special gift; please treasure me as my Creator intended you to do, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by and disciplining me in a loving manner.
6. I need your encouragement, not just your praise to grow. Please go easy on the criticism; you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.
7. Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself. Permit me to fail, so that I can learn from my own mistakes. Then someday I will be prepared to make the kind of decisions life will require of me.
8. Please don't do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn't quite measure to your expectations. I know it's hard, but please don't try to compare me to my brother or sister.
9. Please don't be afraid to leave for a weekend together. Kids need a vacation from parents, just as parents need vacations from kids. Besides it's a great way to show us kids that your marriage is very special.
10. Please set a good example for me to follow in all the ways of life. I enjoy watching the things you do and want to do them just like you do.
(author unknown)
WOUNDS NEVER HEAL
Tho it has been many years ago, wounds from the affects of child abuse never heal, affects my entire life forever in some way or another. I live with these wounds and pains each day of my life, and saddens me at times, I slip into a deep depression state. I try NOT to think of those horrible things in my past, but has a way of creeping back to haunt my soul.
I have been fortunate to meet a man who loves me very much, and protects me from harm.
Tho, I have grown to be a very independent person, I depend on him for my love, strength, and protection. We have been married for 45 yrs(1/4/11) now, and may God bless him each and every day for coming into my life and rescuing me from the pitts of hell.
We have two children, who are healthy and strong, tho they too, have suffered from the affects of my childhood abuse. I never abused them physically, but am guilty of verbal abuse. The children in their growing up years were tough, and even tougher for them now, as adults.
It did , in fact, create a very strained relationship between us, esp with my daughter, whom I am still in touch with, but the relationship is cool. Hopefully someday soon, we can get past all the hurt, anger and pain, between us and start anew in our relationship. Life has been and still is a tough one , esp now.
With the aging process creeping upon me, I know I have only a few more years at best, to be on this earth, I am trying to make the most of it, one day at a time.
I just want some peace and happiness in my life, and also wish, this with all my heart, for my husband and children.
Resource information
HOW TO RECOGNIZE/WARNINGS OF CHILD ABUSE
One of many sites on the internet in reference to child abuse warnings signs/symptoms of and resources in ways YOU can help.
For more excellent references-just do a net search for the words
"child abuse warnings and/or child abuse
A complete help guide, whether it be a child, adult, elderly,
any form of abuse...........resources for WELLNESS.............
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm
http://www.robynsnest.com/abuseresources.htm
Crisis Hotlines Shaken Baby Syndrome and Child Abuse(by states)
If you are in an abusive relationship, think about...
Having important phone numbers nearby for you and your children. Numbers to have are the police, hotlines, friends and the local shelter.
Friends or neighbors you could tell about the abuse. Ask them to call the police if they hear angry or violent noises. If you have children, teach them how to dial 911. Make up a code word that you can use when you need help.
How to get out of your home safely. Practice ways to get out.
Safer places in your home where there are exits and no weapons. If you feel abuse is going to happen try to get your abuser to one of these safer places.
Any weapons in the house. Think about ways that you could get them out of the house.
Even if you do not plan to leave, think of where you could go. Think of how you might leave. Try doing things that get you out of the house - taking out the trash, walking the pet or going to the store. Put together a bag of things you use everyday (see the checklist below). Hide it where it is easy for you to get.
Going over your safety plan often.
If you consider leaving your abuser, think about...
Four places you could go if you leave your home.
People who might help you if you left. Think about people who will keep a bag for you. Think about people who might lend you money. Make plans for your pets.
Keeping change for phone calls or getting a cell phone.
Opening a bank account or getting a credit card in your name.
How you might leave. Try doing things that get you out of the house - taking out the trash, walking the family pet, or going to the store. Practice how you would leave.
How you could take your children with you safely. There are times when taking your children with you may put all of your lives in danger. You need to protect yourself to be able to protect your children.
Putting together a bag of things you use everyday. Hide it where it is easy for you to get.
ITEMS TO TAKE, IF POSSIBLE
ITEMS TO TAKE, IF POSSIBLE
Children (if it is safe)
Money
Keys to car, house, work
Extra clothes
Medicine
Important papers for you and your children
Birth certificates
Social security cards
School and medical records
Bankbooks, credit cards
Driver's license
Car registration
Welfare identification
Passports, green cards, work permits
Lease/rental agreement
Mortgage payment book, unpaid bills
Insurance papers
PPO, divorce papers, custody orders
Address book
Pictures, jewelry, things that mean a lot to you
Items for your children (toys, blankets, etc.)
Think about reviewing your safety plan often.
If you have left your abuser, think about...
Your safety - you still need to.
Getting a cell phone. A shelter may be able to provide you with a cell phone that is programmed to only call 911. These phones are for when you need to call the police and cannot get to any other phone.
Getting a PPO from the court. Keep a copy with you all the time. Give a copy to the police, people who take care of your children, their schools and your boss.
Changing the locks. Consider putting in stronger doors, smoke and carbon monoxide detectors, a security system and outside lights.
Telling friends and neighbors that your abuser no longer lives with you. Ask them to call the police if they see your abuser near your home or children.
Telling people who take care of your children the names of people who are allowed to pick them up. If you have a PPO protecting your children, give their teachers and baby-sitters a copy of it.
Telling someone at work about what has happened. Ask that person to screen your calls. If you have a PPO that includes where you work, consider giving your boss a copy of it and a picture of the abuser. Think about and practice a safety plan for your workplace. This should include going to and from work.
Not using the same stores or businesses that you did when you were with your abuser.
Someone that you can call if you feel down. Call that person if you are thinking about going to a support group or workshop.
Safe way to speak with your abuser if you must.
Going over your safety plan often.
WARNING: Abusers try to control their victim's lives. When abusers feel a loss of control - like when victims try to leave them - the abuse often gets worse. Take special care when you leave. Keep being careful even after you have left.
This section on personalized safety planning adapted from the
Metro Nashville Police Department's personalized safety plan.
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