Now the day has come and I still haven’t decided. It’s been a rough week. I thought I was okay, but one soft blow knocked me down hard.
Zacchaeus, I’m told, was a public sinner3. Everyone knew the man he was. When he asked, Christ forgave. As I’m sitting, child snuggled in my lap, I’m facing my Zacchaeus. The one who’s not any worse than me, but who everyone knows. Sins spoken of publicly. My eyes fill with tears. This is the day I need to remember. Christ loves. He draws me in and reminds me... love.
I think that the deceiver knew the end was near. Desperate, he shot one last round of arrows. Say it, he whispers. This is your chance. Say how angry you are. Isn’t it true that he left you? Tell it. Briefly, I succumb. “It was his choice,” I say. That’s all. Just those simple words. I’ve said it before, but this time is different. This time, it’s blame-shifting. Lord, forgive.
I scramble to find my children. I’ve been sitting outside, how did I end up racing for time?! I slip into the room and think that the kids should be in front, so they can see. We settle and I realize it. I’m right in front. Where everyone can see. No one else comes in and takes the empty space before me. I try to sink back into the crowd, but it’s too late. And the kids should be in front.
I didn’t know that moment was coming, really. It snuck up on me while I was quietly living. Standing there, sticking out like a sore thumb, face to face with my mother-in-love when I meant to pull away, watching my beloved marry his beloved, I smiled. Because it was beautiful. Because I don’t love him in that way anymore. Because she is beautiful, both confident and humble, and her hair looks amazing. I smiled for them and Love won. He crushed the serpent’s head and when Satan tried hard to rip my family apart, God pieced it back together.
That’s when I saw it. This war, the one of anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness, is over. The battle belongs to the Lord.
And having done all... we stand.