Fostering pro-social behaviour and value-based education through positive child guidance

The present day societal concern about antisocial behaviours of children and adolescents has increased manifold. Conduct problems among both boys and girls are the most frequent childhood behavioural problems to be referred to mental health professionals. Aggressive and disruptive behaviour is one of the most enduring dysfunctions in children and, if left untreated, frequently results in high personal and emotional costs to children, their families and to society in general as they are at an elevated risk for a host of negative outcomes including substance abuse, poor emotion regulation, school failure, peer problems and delinquency. At the child level, temperamental features evident in infancy and toddlerhood such as irritability, restlessness, irregular patterns of behaviour, lack of persistence and low adaptability increase the risk of behaviour problems as do certain genetic and neurobiological traits.

There is a growing recognition that increasingly children will come to school from families that are in a state of huge flux, if not in actual disarray, and that the influence on children outside school – from television and the internet, to drugs and sex – can have a huge and detrimental bearing on their attitudes to learning. To be responsible parents in today’s world is a matter of challenge. Nobody is born “as parents,” we learn to be one. The moment we figure out and think that we have a handle on it, the rules change.

Child guidance is the clinical study and treatment of the behavioural and emotional problems of children by a staff of specialists usually comprising a physician or psychiatrist, a clinical psychologist and a psychiatric social worker. It is not enough for adults working with children to be knowledgeable about each child’s learning abilities and progress towards goals. In order to treat every child with respect and dignity, adults must be aware of children’s strengths, understand that they have reasons for their actions, and give each child regular and honest feedback that is positive.

Ask - what is a positive thing I can honestly say about this child? This may mean selecting a positive rather than a negative behaviour as a focus. Alternatively, some behaviour which has a negative connotation may be able to be reassessed as positive attributes and developed as strengths. For example, he has leadership qualities, can be assertive not bossy; likes ‘rough and tumble’ play, is very energetic not aggressive; takes time to observe before acting not unfriendly; independent, sets own objectives not uncooperative etc.

Good parenting is not limited solely to providing them with all the material things or to register them in the most prestigious schools. From infancy, children are active participants in a complex world. Interactions with parents are the first type of social exchange that infant’s experience. Healthy exchanges create a bond or attachment. Attachment is a sense of connection between two people that forms the foundation for a relationship.

Exchanges such as facial expressions, movements, and verbal interactions help create an attachment or bond. Experts feel that the first year of life is a critical period for bonding. Bonds create a sense of trust that supports an infant’s exploration of the world and serves as a base for future development. If secure attachment does not occur, children may have problems later in life and may display asocial behaviours.

The principles of positive child guidance are: The safety of the children should be the first concern. This includes both physical and emotional safety. Have age-appropriate expectations of children’s behaviour. Be clear and consistent when explaining and enforcing limits to children and follow through (e.g., “I told you five minutes ago not to throw sand because it makes a mess and gets in other children’s eyes. I also told you that if I saw you throwing it again, you’d need to find something new to do -- it’s time to find something new to do. You can climb, read books or ride a tricycle; what would you like to do?”). When enforcing limits, disapprove of the child’s behaviour not the child. Be patient and kind with children, they are trying to understand the world we live in and need our care and teaching.

In order to prevent problems maintain a clean, safe and stimulating learning environment in your program, establish a predictable schedule that meets individual and group needs, plan and implement developmentally appropriate activities. State your suggestions and directions positively (e.g., “Please keep the puzzle pieces on the table. It’s too easy for them to get lost when you play with them on the floor.”) Keep rules to a minimum. Remind children of rules and limits before they start an activity (e.g., “Remember to keep the blocks back in the box”). Children need to know what is expected. Catch the children being good (e.g., “I see you picking up those blocks! Thank you, it helps keep the block area clean and organised;” “What a good idea to take turns on the slide, everybody likes to have a turn”).

Pro-social behaviours are crucial to children’s well-being. Thus, it is our responsibility as early childhood educators to provide opportunities for the development of necessary social skills.

Play is a common form of interaction between and among children. Some of the social skills fostered through play are the ability to work towards a common goal, initiating and/or keeping a conversation going, and cooperating with peers. Attachments are formed with other children of similar interests and can lead to friendships. Friendship can be defined as “a mutual relationship involving companionship, sharing, understanding of thoughts and feelings, and caring for and comforting one another in times of need.” Researchers have found that preschoolers who spend more time at pretend play are more advanced in intellectual development, have a higher capacity for empathy, and are seen by teachers as more socially competent.

Pro-social behaviours can be grouped into three distinct categories: Sharing (dividing up or bestowing), helping (acts of kindness, rescuing, removing distress) and cooperation (working together to reach a goal).[Marion 2003] Other experts include showing sympathy and kindness, helping, giving, sharing, showing positive verbal and physical contact, showing concern, taking the perspective of another person, and cooperating. They defined cooperation as the act of working together for a common goal; helpfulness, as the act of removing distress from another person.

The development of pro-social skills can be viewed as a three-part process. In the recognition step, a child must be able to determine if someone needs help. Secondly, the child must decide whether to help or not to act. Thirdly, a child must act by selecting and performing an appropriate behaviour for that situation.

Self-control is one of the important skills to develop social competency. “Self-control is an essential part of how children learn, is important in a child’s growth and development, and is fundamental in preserving social and moral order.” Self-control or self-discipline refers to the ability to internally regulate one’s own behaviour rather than depending on others to enforce it. Children demonstrate self-control when they (1) control their impulses, wait and suspend action, (2) tolerate frustration, (3) postpone immediate gratification and (4) initiate a plan and carry it out over time.[Marion 2003]

These are the four strategies to foster the development of self-control. They are to use direct instruction to let children know what are appropriate behaviours, inappropriate behaviours and alternative behaviours. For example, restricting certain behaviours (“Five more minutes on the swing”) or redirecting children’s behaviours (“Don’t bounce that ball inside. Go outdoors instead”). Model right from wrong so children can learn by example. Modelling can be non-verbal (returning library books on time) or verbal (“I’m petting the dog very gently”). Introduce logical consequences to influence future behaviour (“Wear an apron while painting so that your shirt doesn’t get spoilt”). Integrate emotions, development and experience to help children make an internal map. A child can use this chart to categorise past events, interpret cues, envision various responses and then respond appropriately (“When you share the pencils with your sister it makes her happy”). Self-control evolves over time hence, never lose patience but try repeating the above activities with children to foster self-control.

The early years are the time for children to develop pro-social skills by interacting with other children. Moreover, it is the role of early childhood teachers to facilitate the development of these behaviours in young children. Positive play opportunities, modelling, coaching, optimal room environments and carefully designed curriculums lay the foundation.

Live your own life according to your values—walk the talk. Avoid alcohol, drugs, smoking, etc, so that children do not learn these behaviours from you. Make sure that children are engaged in some sort of physical exercises or activities. The common complaints about children is the growing use of mobile phones, internet, social networking sites, watching TV and most video games which are not the things that they should be engulfing time in. So, it is important that before you start thinking how to discipline children agree what you expect from them. Clear roles and expectations are accepted well by children. Avoid yelling, physical punishment, threats, etc. Accept apologies from them. Use the ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ in speech.

Build up your child’s self-esteem and confidence by praising them for each achievement, no matter how big or small it may be. Your child should not be reprimanded in front of other people, because it lowers their self-esteem and allow them to feel worthless. Assign a quality time with children by doing things they would love to do regardless of how busy your work schedules are. Learn the value of money and in-still in them the importance of saving for the future. Be a role model for them as children tries to imitate their parents. Hence, it is important to develop features of practice and model the behaviour that you want your child to cultivate such as kindness, tolerance, perseverance, respect and care. Parents know the importance of charity and helping the deprived, but they neglect when it comes to implementing. If you practically do some charity and tell your children to visit an orphanage, a nursing home or serve the aged people, they are more likely to follow the same principles.

You have to be a role model. Try not to teach your children the habits which you do not practice. Suppose your children hear you lying about some matter, then imagine what kind of effect it will give to your children. It is natural tendency of the children to learn the habits from parents whether they are good or bad.

Focus on the quality time you are willing to spend with your children. While spending your time bring your children into interesting and useful conversations. It is necessary to build good relationship with full of fun and healthy talk with your children right from the childhood. When you inculcate the habit of talking with your children from childhood will help a long way in creating attachment with your children. Without doing this, if you try to talk with them when they become teen, the receiving will not be there anymore.

A few key principles like importance of integrity and service, attitude of non-violence, respect for others, innate dignity for human life, quest for peace and happiness, to bring out the best in each person, respect for the environment form the foundation of human values upon which societies have been established.

Children love to hear stories about their parent’s childhood. So it is an important practice to weave in some moral dilemmas as they prove as great opportunities to teach values to them. It certainly beats lecturing your kids! Expose the kids to your religion and faith. Providing your kids with a community of faith will strengthen their values and provide parents some “leverage.” Anyone who spends time with your kids may be influencing them. Know their values and beliefs as well. To know about your child’s values it is crucial to ask them questions that will stimulate dialogue about values. Telling them what values they should have won’t always be effective, especially when your kids get older. Asking them “curious” questions will allow discussions that will eventually lead to values. “What did you think about that fight,” may be more effective than, “He shouldn’t have started that fight!” Fairy tales capture the imagination of kids and can easily lead to a discussion of values. Allow them to experience helping others and involve them in activities that will expand their creativity. Involve your kids in art, activities, or helping others while limiting TV and video games. Have frequent conversations about values in your household. This lets your kids know that it’s important and it’s not just something you talk about when they do something wrong.

Structure the programme at home and school to enhance children’s well-being and sense of belonging through such things as provision of energetic outdoor play, use of music and rhythms, calm and pleasant routines for meals and rest times.

Recognise and help children cope with adversity. When things go wrong a child may be angry and upset that their work has been destroyed, that they cannot play at a particular activity or be accepted into a group. Do not accept the child’s view of this as a tragedy. Offer alternatives or provide support for the child to try again.

Children need to be helped to accept as a matter of fact that each day will include both change and predictability. Activities are means to a goal, not goals in themselves. If a child is fearful or upset at a situation such as a best friend leaving for school, sickness in the family, a new environment or an unfamiliar member, acknowledge the child’s feelings openly.

Assure the child that your support is there. Be reassuring that things will feel better in time. Take the approach of ‘how can this child do things better?’ ‘What goal is this child wanting to reach?’ Avoid attaching blame.

For older children, help the child to think about the situation and to generate solutions. This requires considerable skill and time on the part of the teacher but the process is an integral part of the early childhood curriculum, ‘to learn strategies for thinking and reasoning.’ Positive discipline strategies begin with adult behaviours: good limit setting, clearly communicating limits. They include teaching more appropriate behaviour, giving cues for the new behaviour, giving choices and supporting children in their new behaviour.

In today’s world, information communication technology has become an integral part of our lives. From a two years old to a 90 years today one is involved in the internet or any of the gizmos that keep us connected. We often stop and wonder how we lived our lives earlier! Technology had definitely blessed us in many ways and they are here with us to stay. Our children need to explore the wonders that new technologies have to offer. But like all good things there are a lot disadvantages as well and we need to get up and become parents of this century and get savvy about parenting online.

Sexual abuse is not happening only in person. It runs in the net too. It is now becoming apparent that the children and young people using the net are potential targets for child sex abusers, leading to dangerous situations, are exposed to age-inappropriate, illegal and harmful material such as images of child sexual abuse (child pornography), pornography and spam, are subject to harassment, intimidation and cyber bullying and are prone to being tricked into downloading viruses and spyware. “Cam-whores” work for money in the net like any other sex workers and it is becoming a money making gimmick in today’s IT world.

Hence the risks and potential dangers our children would encounters in cyber space needs analysis and meta-analysis. But what could be done if my 10 year old knows more than me about the gadgets and the internet? How is it possible to ensure their safety in IT when we ourselves don’t understand the risks? The chat messages that they are so proficient in are hardly understood by us. Dr Vidya Reddy (Tulir, centre for prevention and healing of child sexual abuse) writes in her article about the following line from a chat -- “Hi! U Hv a Gr8 soh. ROFL! BRb POS” -- which may leave many parents scratch their heads but any teenager familiar with “chatspeak” would translate it as “Hi! You have a great sense of humour. Rolling on the floor laughing. Will be right back. Parents over shoulder.” Now it might appear to be more difficult as, at our ages of 30 and above how do we learn a new language in order to understand our children’s lingua franca???

Here are a few safety skills: Make sure that the computer is placed in a common family space and be very cautious about allowing children use high-end mobile phones. It is important to sit next to the child when they are online for some time to know what they are doing?? If they feel that you are intruding in their personal space, tell them that you are learning with them about the net and its various functions. Though the kids may be better than us in extracting information from the net but they are not our parents hence to remind them about the same hence, the parents have to provide the appropriate guidance to the child who is still “a trainee,” even on the net. Be informative and gather information about the kid’s likes and dislikes in the net and teach them the disadvantages of surfing and online abuse too.

Suggested reading

Preusse K (2008) Fostering prosocial behavior in young children. Earlychildhood NEWS [Internet]. [cited 2012 Aug 30]. Available from: http://www.earlychildhoodnews.com/earlychildhood/article_view.aspx?ArticleID=566

Reference

Marion M (2003) Guidance of young children. Columbus, OH: Merrill Prentice Hall