Blog 2003-2004
31st Dec 2004: New Years party: Despite Ma’s poor health she managed to be present in this Party. With all the songs and dance, the New Year party was real fun.
30th Dec 2004: Ma gets sick: I had never seen more blood in my 26year life. As diagnosed later, she had an ulcer in her nose and one of the veins had ruptured. And so the crimson blood gushed out, when we closed both her nostrils it started to pour out of her mouth. I was standing next to her and was about to faint. There were 4 doctors attending her (now I realize how helpful it is that my dad is a doctor, every one shows up when he calls). When nothing changed 5 injections later, we took her to the nearest hospital and admitted her. As usual I panicked, while following her to the hospital I crashed in to the iron door of our house. Results, bruises and a really swollen right foot (When it rains it poursL). Ma was hospitalized for a day and told to take strict precautions. The good part was that my sis, who is about to finish her MBBS, made sure that all the tests were done and the seniors Doctors didn’t miss any thing.
22nd Dec 2004: I was in Varanasi for two more days, what transpired in these two days will shape a significant part of my future life. More gory details later. But I also met Manu and his wife Rakhi.
18th Dec 2004: Papa had an accident while coming back from the hospital in Azamgarh. Luckily for him he was wearing a helmet and his head was saved, but he did get bruised in both the legs. We were scared. We reckoned that life is so fragile and delicate.
14th Dec 2004: Milind’s Marriage and the Old memory Lane: I visited my both my old schools St Mary’s (after two) year and St John’s, Merhauli (after eight years). The best part was that the teachers still remembered me well and even the place where I lived back then: Mau Nath Bhanjan.
St Mary’s: It was same as before. Had a chance to meet Tr Jaya (Hindi) and Tr Raevis (Drawing) and even Tr Saroj Paul.
St John’s: Tr Sangeeta (Chemistry), Tr Champa Rikshit (English), Tr Kelly (English), Poggy Sir (Commerce), even the games sir Manoj Shukla remembered me. The school had changed and its surrounding area were all transformed, the basket ball court had moved, the playgrounds had grown much bigger. Girls 9th standard onwards are supposed to wear Shalwar Kamiz.
That day I also had the chance to meet Krishna Kant, a very old friend of mine from St Mary’s after 8-9years. Though single, he looked like a father of twoJ, big tummy, solid mustache.
Another reasons for my staying back in Varanasi while my family traveled back to Mau was that it was my old school mates marriage that day. Yes Milind Agrawal was getting married. That would a great time to meet whoever was left back in Varanasi for the good old school days. The occasion certainly did not disappoint. Vikas Dewadi, Harish Lalwani, Aaush Khatri, Sameer and Sanjay were all there. Sanjay and Harish were already married! Wah wah..
13th Dec 2004: Got my H1B visa. Yet another step in the dreaded folklore that ends in the Indian getting a Green Card and settling in the US. I certainly am not going to be a part of that story.
11th Dec 2004: Met my family at New Delhi, the feeling was so good. It’s so nice to be among your own.
9th Dec: Flight to India: took a Lufthansa flight to New Delhi. I was hoping that atleast this experience would be better than the one I had in Air India last time. Unfortunately their fleet was very old and rickety too. I really missed having a personal TV in front of me and watching a program of my own choice. Moreover how does one develop faith in an airline when the Germans them selves call it a “Fluke” (German for flight ;))? Also the trip to Frankfurt was my first steps in Europe. The depreciated and dented dollar meant that things were prohibitive. 3.5Euro (5$) for a 500ml of water. How do these people live!!
6th of Dec: “The Psychopathology of Everyday Life” by Sigmund Freud
I took up an interesting book of late: it underlines how the subconscious mind unknowingly directs some of our actions. The most trivial slips of the tongue or pen, Freud believed, can reveal our secret ambitions and worries.
I have a very potent example to tell. Of late I got PJs for my self, something that is not very strange for anyone. What makes this something out of the way, in my case, is that fact that I never got PJ for my self in the last 5-6years, so why suddenly now? “Analysis” of the event opened a new window in to my subconscious. A close friend of mine got a gift for her boyfriend for Thanks Giving. Now since I was the one who had to spend nearly an hour with her the days before the Thanks Giving weekend, trying to figure out what to get for him, I had a pretty good idea of the ideas that were floating around. Even after spending an hour at the store when we could not arrive at a suitable choice, I left her and headed home (to the point as usual J). Now all this while, I was plotting within my self to gift myself. Only when she returned back from her trip did she tell me that she had eventually decided on an appropriate gift. PJs!
This is not a just one singular event. I think I might have been able to place some other simple actions/slips in to their context. But all this raises one important question. If we know what our subconscious is planning, can we change the course of things as our inner being desires? Would that mean that the mind is over the inner being or still beyond all this there is a thought that reigns supreme? Or will our action/slips/mistakes forever be a function of our subconscious? For that I must finish the book and see if I can find any answers.
11th Nov: It is not very often that I hear something on the radio and then care to follow it up. Not this time. I heard this on National Public Radio (NPR) on my way back to home from office and it almost moved me to tears. Read on and you will find why.
The emotional letters from fallen soldiers in Iraq are the subject of a new HBO documentary, “Last Letters Home: Voices of Americans from the Battle of Iraq”
Some background : On May 1, 2003, Pfc. Jesse A. Givens of Ft. Carson, Colo., was killed when his tank crashed into the Euphrates River in Iraq. He was 34. His company had been deployed to Iraq less than three weeks earlier.
A letter arrived a few weeks later for his family -- pregnant wife Melissa and young son Dakota. Pfc. Givens had written an emotional and touching "goodbye" letter to be opened only if the worst happened. About the time the letter arrived, Melissa gave birth to their second son, Carson.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
My family:
22-Apr-03
I never thought that I would be writing a letter like this. I really don't know where to start. I've been getting bad feelings, though and, well, if you are reading this ....
I am forever in debt to you, Dakota, and the Bean. I searched all my life for a dream and I found it in you. I would like to think that I made a positive difference in your lives. I will never be able to make up for the bad. I am so sorry. The happiest moments in my life all deal with my little family. I will always have with me the small moments we all shared. The moments when you quit taking life so serious and smiled. The sounds of a beautiful boy's laughter or the simple nudge of a baby unborn. You will never know how complete you have made me. Each one of you. You saved me from loneliness and taught me how to think beyond myself. You taught me how to live and to love. You opened my eyes to a world I never dreamed existed. I am proud of you. Stay on the path you chose. Never lose sight of what is important again, you and our babies.
Dakota, you are more son than I could ever ask for. I can only hope I was half the dad. I used to be your "danny" but no matter what it makes me proud that you chose me. You taught me how to care until it hurts, you taught me how to smile again. You taught me that life isn't so serious and sometimes you have to play. You have a big, beautiful heart. Through life you need to keep it open and follow it. Never be afraid to be yourself. I will always be there in our park when you dream so we can still play. I hope someday you will have a son like mine. Make them smile and shine just like you. I love you Toad. I hope someday you will understand why I didn't come home. Please be proud of me. Please don't stop loving life. Take in ever breath like it's your first. I love you Toad. I will always be there with you. I'll be in the sun, shadows, dreams, and joys of your life.
Bean, I never got to see you but I know in my heart you are beautiful. I know you will be strong and big-hearted like your mom and brother. I will always have with me the feel of the soft nudges on your mom's belly, and the joy I felt when I found out you were on your way. I dream of you every night, I will always. Don't ever think that since I wasn't around that I didn't love you. You were conceived of love and I came to this terrible place for love. I love you as I do your mom and brother with all my heart and soul. Please understand that I had to be gone so that I could take care of my family. I love you Bean. I have never been so blessed as the day I met Melissa Dawn Benfield. You are my angel, soulmate, wife, lover and best friend. I am so sorry. I did not want to have to write this letter. There is so much more I need to say, so much more I need to share. A lifetime's worth. I married you for a million lifetimes. That's how long I will be with you. Please keep my babies safe. Please find it in your heart to forgive me for leaving you alone. Take care of yourself, believe in yourself, you are a strong, big hearted woman. Teach our babies to live life to the fullest, tell yourself to do the same.
I will always be there with you, Melissa. I will always want you, need you and love you in my heart, mind and soul. Do me a favor, after you tuck Toad and Bean in, give them hugs and kisses from me. Go outside look at the stars and count them. Don't forget to smile.
Love always,
Your husband
Jess
The sad part in a war is that no matter which side wins, it is the common man that always looses.
6th Nov: Saw “The Incredibles” yesterday. Here is one line from the movie
"They keep finding new ways to celebrate mediocrity"
So grumbles Bob Parr, Mr. Incredible. Is this really true, in order to get a conformal society we want to paint every one in the same color. Do we glorify “being average” so that no one feels left behind? Do people choose a dumb and stupid leader so that they can empathizes with him?
Ohh, the movie, well it was really good, and worth all the jiggles and laughs.
2nd Oct: Put an all nighter to change homes. Was over come with the usual feeling of gloom. I need to work on this, when ever I leave any thing, I get so attached to it that I end up feeling bad for 2-3 days. Dude, the day you die, you take nothing with you, so don’t get attached to any thing. Life is a game, just play it beautifully.
10th Sept: Got my Sony DSC –V1 today. Awesome camera, with all the pseud looks. Even got two books from Barns and Nobel. This is gonna occupy me for quite some time.
10th Sept: Always remember that if you stick chewing gum to some ones head and you think the only way out is to cut out hair, there is a silver lining. Peanut Butter, takes of all the chewing gum in minutes!!! (Thanks Christine)
4th Sept: Labor Day week end. Carter Lake was quite good, but not even half was spectacular at Yellowstone. The bad part, I got a speeding ticket for 237$. These people are crazy!! I got a ticket for driving at 83mph when the average speed on I5 is 80mph. The two weeks are spent getting Oregon driving license, and giving a one line test that had more questions that I have ever answered before. I better not speed next time.
21st Aug: 20miles on the road!! Wow this was longest I have ever run, I should say 32km that sound even big, but then I can always say “I ran 32x1012nm”, but it would still be the same. The bad thing is that I hurt my sole left sole, and I finished the run, on two pain killers. Finally at the end of 3hrs, I was not tired at all but my foot hurt like crazy. Probably I won’t be running for the next one month.
8th Aug: The 24 Mile biking trip. Keeping up with the motto, "Enjoy summer while it lasts", it was 24miles on the streets of Portland downtown. The event was a charity event and some 17000 odd people biked, ran and walked. We biked on 6 bridges over the Willamette River and the 405 South free way. The Bride Pedal
Some pics
a) My self and Frank
b) The Fremont Bridge
31st July: Summers in Oregon have enchanted me. I have done more crazy stuff than I could ever imagine. Take this weekend for example. I windsurfed! I could never imagine that given my fear of water I would dare something like this, but it just got me. The lake was next to the Columbia River at exit 63 on I-84 and anent the depth, it was 5’8” on the deepest part, with no chances of drowning.
I really loved the adventure and though this was my first attempt at windsurfing, I become quite ok at the end of 3hrs. I still have to master turning and steering and get on a real pro board, but hopefully I will get there. Here are some pictures.
(a) (b) (c) The Group
24th July: The run of my life.
Well when I say life, it means till this day, I have a much longer way to go. But yes, yesterday I ran for like 17miles(~25km) in the scorching 90F sun and that too in some 2:02hrs (off course there were the drink breaks, but then they were in total <15minutes). Well credits goes to some one who woke me up at 6:00am in the morning and dragged me along. It is a totally different story when you run in a peloton, I couldn’t believe my self when I looked at my watch the first time, it was already 45minutes, since we had started running. This was one of the training sessions for the Portland marathon and the volunteer group was so nice, they had set up water station every 1.5-2miles and finally when I couldn’t run any more after 17miles they also gave be a ride to the starting point. They say that you should only increase your distance by 10% at a time, but I being the bull-head I am, I improved on my previous best of 10miles, by a whopping 70%. Off course I paid the price, I have 4 blisters in both the legs and a toe which has turned blue, also an aching sore back, but then I can’t complain. And after doing all this I went for a 6mile hike on the Saddle mountains, (I was on pain killersJ). It’s has been fun pushing my self. I just wish that I do this for other things in life too.
13th July: Life and other things.
On this trip to yellow stone, the night camp and the campfire gave birth to many conversations. Off course the girl friend question came up but then that is something that I have never been afraid to answer. What also popped up on the starry night was the question as to where does one go from here. Big dreams, higher aspirations. Where does it all culminate? The good thing was that ¾ of us had no clue to this. This is something I would have expected as 5years ago I didn’t know that in 2004 I would be sitting in a desk on Hillsboro Oregon and writing this blog. Well, but does this mean that you don’t want to be prepared for what is in store, you don’t care to even shape your futures? Na, define you short term goals and long term goals. The long term goals are general guides lines, a very big picture, you might eventually approach it from the North entrance or the South entrance, but that is where you eventually wanna get to. The short term goals must be like the short hikes/trails that you may take along the way, they are fun but by no means the final destination. Off course there are food and toilet breaks, along the way.
Also one thing very important is that even though your may start with some one else at the same location, the journey will give totally different experience/ thrills to every one. It is just like when we where at school, every one was in the same class but eventually every one chooses/is assigned something different. Some of my peers will eventually end up getting much more than I would ever dream of. I cannot complain that life is not fair, it never was. I got things that I probably never deserved.
2nd July to 6th July: Like the 4th July's in the last two years, this year too was a phenomenal trip.
The trip started with Dk almost missing his flight and ended with every one (but me) missing theirs from Yellow Stone National Park. The idea was a brain wave that had come to me back in 1988 when I saw the Old Faithful (water geyser) in my school senior’s geography book. I pitched the idea to Ajay and he jumped in, getting in Dk and Chinky wasn’t too difficult either.
The beauty of Yellow Stone Park lies in the fact that besides the spectacular views of forests, mountains, canyon and falls, its geothermal geysers and hot springs are unique to this park alone. We camped in the park for 4days (sorry the camp snaps are missing) and cooked food on charcoal fire (all credit to Chinky for that). Ajay did a great tour guide job, making excellent use of the two park guides and several park maps we had and even arranged a couple of wildlife trails. Dk navigated us thru hundreds of miles of roads. As for me, I clicked 363 snaps in 4day, which is my personal best. Out of the 363 pics, 264 are here.
15th June: The Los Angeles Lakers lose the NBA championship to Detroit Pistons, 4-1. As some one points out the “Lakers looked like ballerinas”. They pretty much had no clue to what had struck them. I was so pissed of that I switched off my cell phone, I knew a bunch of people would be calling me as I am such a vociferous Laker fan. Well we lost!!
Another interesting thing happened today. The yahoo email accounts we had, suddenly grew in size to 100Mb; that is like totally awesome. Well this was all in reaction to Google’s Gmail, which gives a humongous 1Gb email space. In fact I read somewhere that Yahoo and Hotmail had been blocking email of people sending Gmail invites to their friends. That is downright shameful.
14th Jun: The Beast is Back.
Got back my car after two weeks, during while I was driving a triple diamond (Mitsubishi). God, the two cars are a totally different ball game. You have to slam the accelerator in the Lancer to get it anywhere whereas the Volkswagen kicks butt. When you drive a 1.8L turbo charged engine, you have so much torque to speed-up that the drive is just a pleasure. Logged in 30miles on the freeway just for a joy ride, man it is so much fun.
11th June: This is what I wrote to one of the Laker Hater:
Guys,
On the Lakers subject. (like I said I don't wanna work today so please let me continue)
The Lakers were the best team coming in to the NBA finals but with Malone injured and Gary Paton not doing nothing I really don't see a chance that they can now win the NBA. But for the impossible shot that Kobe made in game 2, the score would have easily been 3-0. That still doesn't change that fact that Kobe is a genius and so is Shaq. But fact is that the Lakers don't have enough bodies to defend or attack. All the Lakers wins have been when one player had risen to the occasion, Fisher for 3, Rush for 18, Kobe for 3, you have to win basket ball by 5 players not One. And the Lakers can't do that no more. When I look at the Detroit team, they play like a team. The front five as well as the bench. That is what makes great team. That is why I feel that they should probably win it; after all they have waited 14 years.
But I really feel bad for all the Lakers Haters, cause they don't have one team they can love, instead they have just one team they hate. That is not how sports fan are supposed to be. You have a team to cheer in their victory, you feel sorry for their losses and at the end to the day if they don't make it to the play-off/conference finals/NBA finals they just watch the better team win.
May the best team win!
A big Laker supporter and a bigger NBA fan.
Monks
23rd May: Hmm the last fifteen days have been maddening. First there was Ritudi’s marriage, which was on the 9th of May and then the trip to LA the next weekend and finally the whole week stay at San Jose. I love to travel but this was overkill.
The trip to LA was fun, but I lost something. Something really precious, years later, when I will look back I will feel funny about all this, but right now it just hurts. Going back to the 1st April resolution, cut the senti crap.
Then there were more words of advice. This movie “Yuva” which I saw on Friday, had a dialog the essence of which went something like this: All the love/”senti carp” is BS, the whole thing is motivated by the simple fact (this probably is a crude way to put things, but right now I am short of words and the airport announcement are bugging) as a species we need to sustain our selves, the rest is just a ritual.
5th of May: Ok now the things have gone out of control. I went to the market got the Dhaniya, got the Hing, got the Tamatar and planed to make a solid good dal. Some where between boiling the dal and making the Tadka I put sugar in place of salt. One full tea spoon!! So I had to call mom and ask her what salvage operation could be performed.
Easy put 1.5 table spoons of salt and what you get is a Gujarati dal!!
1st April : Wow how time is gone by so fast. I turn one more year on this day. I spent a lot of time on the phone. I must cut this. Its really bad that some gizmo which is not even 100 years old should take away so much time of your life. But the sad part is that the one person I hoped to get a call, never called me on my Bday.
Which raises the next resolutions: I must stop being senti and stuff, this just ruins every thing. Moto in life: Eat Drink be merry, and cut all the senti crap.
31st March: Got the news that Anuj got in to Harvard Business School. God I have really smart friends and I feel happy for all of them. But this guy is a special one!!
26th-29th March : Spring Break 2004
On friday I reached Boston and saw MIT. and there are a plenty of my friends at MIT ,so I had a nice time with them at MIT. I saw the MIT campus and Ashdown, or Ashwin Dham as they call it. Now MIT is in Cambridge. Massachusetts. They have this city that is really old. Which is so different from the rest of the US, where most of the buildings are rectangular blocks of concrete. I also saw this MIT museum of Science, that was very kwel.
Usually it is snowing and raining at this time of the year in Boston, but thankfully for me, when I reached there the weather was really good. The next day morning (Sat) myself, and couple of my friends started for Montreal Canada in a rented car. We reached Canada on the Sat evening. Montreal is a beautiful city and most of the people speak French. I had tried to learn French, but didn't find much time before the trip. There I met an old school chum of mine.
That night we went to Montreal down town and we roamed about in Montreal downtown. You won’t believe this but the city in very very alive even until 3-4 in the morning. I also went to a casino, where we played roulette for the first time in life. It was fun, I just played for like
30 minutes and won some 35$, and then stopped.
Then the next morning, we went to the St Joseph's Oratory. This is like a church, but very beautiful. and it is so high that you can see the entire city from this place.
After that we went to see the old Montréal. This area has the most number of historic buildings of any city in North America. The whole area has been preserved and is definitely reminiscent of old world charm. We strolled along the narrow cobblestone streets. Place Jacques Cartier is the epicenter of this area- a grand public square- with the City Hall at on end and a row of shops- restaurants and tourist traps surrounding it. On the southern end of the square is the beautiful Montreal Notre Dame Cathedral, that is well worth a tour inside. The interior is exquisite- the stained glass windows gleam as well as the beauty in the intricacies of the woodwork.
After that we went of the Olympic stadium in Montreal, that was built for the 76, Olympics. It has this tall tower, and one can take an elevator to the top of it, which again gives a phenomenal view of the city.
This trip was followed by the trip to the underground market in the heart of Montreal. They have this huge block of shop all of which have been made underground. This makes a lot of sense, since Montréal can really very cold during the winters. So you can do all the shopping while walking in a air-conditioned super market.
So on Sunday evening we returned back from Montreal and drove back via New Hampshire, which is another pretty state, but once you live in Oregon every thing looks like a desert to you. We saw this White Mountain out there, which was like a hillock covered with some snow. This has to be the most disappointing part of the whole trip. Any way, the return journey was fun and drove at 90mph for like 3 hours. On the return trip from Providence, there was this school teacher from Boise, ID, sitting right next to me, and I had a wonderful conversation with her. Not to forget the movie "Something's gotta give". Too bad she was married :D.
6th Feb 2004: I got my new car, the single most expensive and huge “Worldly” possession of mine. Here is a link
2nd Feb 2004: Naren Rathod of H&H Auto’s. The world is full of wonderful people and these days I get to meet so many of them. I was searching for my new car and seemed to like one. I had to get this customary mechanic check. Being new to Portland, I asked a friend of mine if he knew a good mechanic, which led me to this man. He must be 55year old and on the first meeting itself he will strike you as a nice man. His office has a wall completely coved by letters/cards from his admirers, some so old that the writing on them in barely legible. He checked the car engine with a stethoscope!! And then finally after a test drive declared that the car was in excellent shape with no mechanical faults. When I asked him what I owed him for the check, to my surprise, he says, “You owe me nothing, I charge only if I have to work on a car, all I did today was to check your car and so you owe me nothing”. I was shocked, in a country where you are charged 15$ for a 10minute hair cut with a razor, where any thing that involves manual labor is so prohibitively expensive, lives a man who still has such a big heart.
17th Jan: My Heroes for Today: This was one of the most eventful days in my life’s last couple of years. (After all you have to remember that I lost my passport and that was a lot more fun but still). Last night I said bye to my parent which was rather an emotional moment. My parents and sister were there and as always it was very hard saying them the bye.
So I had this Air India flight from Delhi to Mumbai and it was scheduled to leave the Indra Gandhi International Airport at 1800hrs on the 17th of Jan. Keeping in mind the fact that I was still in India, I planed to given myself a margin of 13:30hrs to reach Delhi. Thus my train had to reach Delhi at 400hrs on the fateful 17th Jan morning. This train, “Lichchavi Express”, was to depart from the Kanpur station at 2120hrs on the 16th night but when we called from the hotel, we learnt that the train was running late by an hour. Good for me; I get too be with my family for one more hour!! We reach Kanpur station at 2210hrs, expecting the train to come any moment.
A rude shock was in store for us and the train did not come till 2.5 hrs later. I was waiting for something that had to happen, just like a patient his death bed, waiting for the final moment to come. We watched trains go by, Shatabdi Express, Shramjeevi Express and finally my train came at 0120hrs. Now another funny thing happened, when I reached my berth, it seemed that someone else was sleeping on my reserved seat. My father reflexively woke up that guy and even after his vehement protests that the berth actually belonged to him, and made him leave the berth. Well moments after my parents had left and the train started to move, did the train attendant come to me and told me that actually I was on the wrong bogie and I had evicted the rightful owner of the berth!! Since that guy had already gone to sleep in the opposite berth, I figured it would be better not to wake him again and I could settle this in the morning. Besides I was already lonely and depressed. One of my worries was that when I reach Delhi at 0830hrs (the train was already late by 4hrs), what would I do in a place so unknown to me? I had no clue to what was in store for me the next morning.
0830hrs, morning of the 17th Jan 2004: The train had stopped for the last 30minutes at some vague town called “Khurja”, 80km away from Delhi. It was not one of those usual “crossings” and I could not guess what was keeping up waiting. I tried to make friends with the family next to me (one of who’s family member, I had booted out last night) and guess what? They belonged to Varanasi, and this boy was going to the same school were I had been eight years ago and even the same coaching that I had gone to. True to my nature, I immediately struck a conversation with them. “Agrawalji” was a businessman in Varanasi and the whole family was going to Delhi for the Auto Expo 2004.
While we were stuck there for another hour, we came to know that there was an agitation going on against the ruling Samta Party and all train en route to Delhi had been delayed indefinitely. I stayed in the train for one more hour, hoping that probably the police might do some thing and our train might move. Finally when nothing happened till 1000hrs I started to panic. I hardly had any cash on me and given that I might have to take a take a taxi to Delhi, it was sure that drivers would ask ridiculous fares. Thankfully the people around me were quite nice. The “GRP” people got me a Coolie, when I told them that I had tons of luggages and I had to get to Delhi by 1500hrs. My new acquaintance, the family next to me, exchanged the dollars that I had, for sufficient Rupees. I was all set to leave the train and to catch a taxi/bus/any means of transport to Delhi, when people told me that the protesters had even blocked all the roads to Delhi. The Unspeakable had come true!! Little did I know that the people next to me, would turn out to be my greatest help and strength. They had a relative who had a relative in “Khurja” and after 5-6 telephone calls and 15-20minutes of tense moments we finally found a car that would take us to Delhi. Now this car was a Toyota Qualis, (A massive SUV by Indian standards) and that was more than I would need with all the luggage I had and the rest of the Agrawal family. Now this car which we got was from a relative who happened to be a Samta Party member. Because of the omnipresent protests the SUV took 1hrs just to cover a distance of 6km to the train station, and by the time it arrived it was already 1200hrs. I had realized that there was no way that I could reach Delhi by 1400hrs and then go to the airport which is an hour’s drive from Delhi. So I called up the Air India guys and requested them to put me on the 2000hrs flight to Mumbai. “Peace Life”, I said to myself.
So we started our journey in the Samta party car. This helped us a lot in getting of the town fast, `cause this place was pro Samta party, but little did we know that this “Passport” of our would serve as a death warrant later. We stared moving toward Delhi, in the SUV taking village roads and avoiding the highways and main roads at all time. Just when we were an hrs drive away from Delhi, there came a bridge that we had to cross. Now this bridge had been blocked by the Anti-Govt people and as soon as they saw a Samta party car, they had blood in there eyes. They came running to us and said that they would burn the jeep!!
Now, I had heard/seen such things on the TV but nothing had prepared me for what was about to happen, right in front of my eyes.
We were scared to death. I felt horrible; it was because of me that this family was traveling on a day when it was safe to remain in the shelters of ones own home. This family had literally risked there life to get me to Delhi. But somehow sanity prevailed. There was some one in the “mob”, who said that they could let us go on the condition that we will not go to Delhi that day; and this was just because there was a family in side the car and there were “Ladies” present. So they let us go, but not before they tore the Samta Party flag that was put on the front of the car. Mr. Agrawal tried to convince them that his son had an exam in Delhi and they have to let us go, but the crowd could care less. (Again, how kind and bighearted can a man be, when he tell a lie and endangers his family just to help a person he has meet a few hour ago!!).
So we were spared, but the human sprit has a never die attitude, and that saved the day for me. We decided that now that we can not take the roads, we will drive thru any thing that is going in Delhi’s direction. What followed in the next two hrs is a road journey beyond the description of the English literature (or say my vocabulary to describe itJ). So I have just put pictures of the route. Bottom line, there were NO tar/brick/former/future roads, so we drove on mud/grass/hillocks what ever that came in our way.
(a) Angels in life (b)The Ditch (c)The road less traveled
(d)The Car that did it All(e)The Real India,
I finally reached Delhi at 1630hrs and did manage to catch the 1800hrs Air-India flight. But how would I be able to thank a noble family as this remains a question to be answered.
1st Jan: Happy New Year 2004. After 1997, seven years, I was celebrating the New Year with my parents. This was one great feeling!!
27th Dec 2003: Journey Back Home: Air India journey back home. The rude shock at the New York airport. Some how the people in India are a lot kinder and friendlier than those in the US. We are the people closely knit and all this breaks down in this country, far away from home where people though posing a very bright smile, but are really not very keen on helping you out. Shouldn’t this be the other way around?
26th Dec: The Big Fish: After a lot of bashing of the Indian cricket team by the Australian team, we had no other option that to run away from the TV and watch something face saving. Of the various movies released after Christmas, we narrowed down to the Big Fish. Well the name may suggest that this movie has something to do with a Fish (after all the biggest hit of the year was Finding Nemo). Surprisingly enough, this movie had less to do with a fish and more with a 70 year old man and this life. “Edward Bloom” had a rather eventful life, but unlike most of us he chose to look back at his yester years in a more colorful light rather than just black and white. To what ever that happened to him, he chose to recall and tell just the good part. His stories were so full of good things that his son thought that his father was living a lie. Turns out that when he tries to confirm the stories his father told, they do turn out to be true. The unwavering love Edward had for his wife is simply touching. There were people in the theater that would have died for the love he shared with his wife.
Message: You make your own choices, choose to remember only the good and you will live a better life
4th of Dec: Now if any one of you has been keeping a track of this web page, he is bound to notice the big lull in the whole web log thing!!
I mean 19th Oct and 4th Dec … that is more like an age for a free graduate student. Well guess what? I am no longer a free graduate student!! Ya Ya after all that crying and cursing the faith, I got all I would have killed for two months ago. Live is full of twists and turns.
This is going to be one big web log. So October 2003 was a nightmare, thesis work was just not coming to an end, job interviews were turning sour. I had already requested Intel to defer the internship offer that they had extended and the little encounter with the other kind that I had had was all but over (this is an interesting story too, but not for the web log). So on 23rd Oct, I get an email on my yahoo account, (I still have that emailJ), that Lattice Semiconductor was looking for a position in Portland. I schedule a telephone interview on the 28th of Oct. History has it that this is the same day that my advisor finally signed my thesis, (Boy! I feel the joy still pulsating). So the telephone interview went good and it was decided that they would interview me on 3rd Nov, a Monday, at San Jose. The 3rd Nov the interview goes very well and I think that I can cut this. Boss, this all is like a high action drama movie. So many things happening at the same time. I had to have a reply from Lattice to join it by Friday, ‘cause then I had an offer from Intel. Friday comes and goes, and they could not confirm things. Also that fateful Saturday, 8th of Nov, I said goodbye to Los Angeles and my roommates with whom I shared 2 fabulous years of my life. I would love to show U the parting gift that I got; but some other time. What happened between 10th Nov and 17th Nov when I finally joined Lattice I another saga. I was at Stanford, at Folsom. Each day waiting for a reply from lattice, and finally I got a positive reply from them on the 13th Nov (Wow what a day). And then I drove 650 more miles up north to the City of Roses. (What a name for a city that has rain 7 days a week in Nov LL). Thus began another chapter in my life.
Bottom line, at the end of the day, the law to averages does catch up. You will get your share of joy and the cup will not just runneth over with misery alone. Being in a full time job does take up a lot of time, but then I asked for it and so can’t complain. I still will update this page once in a while. Oh yes I will do that.
19th Oct: Visit to the Veteran’s Cemetery in Los Angeles.
After a long time I snatched time from my life to ramble on my bike. And there is what I got (actually I also got a flat tire on my bike after the trip).
The Veteran’s Cemetery (also the Los Angeles National Cemetery) is next to UCLA and this is the place where veterans for many of the American wars rest. The oldest grave stone that I saw was one dating back to 1906. In the center of the park is the metal plaque bearing the address by President Lincoln, which he gave on 19th Nov 1863, called the famous Gettysburg Address. You sure do learn a lot reading it just once!
Some Pictures.
Then as I was returning back to school, what I saw on my way was something people on the west coast are not very accustomed to. The sight of a tree with fall foliage!! Right in the heart of Los Angeles!! In fact I was on the east coast, last week and the colors out there were not even half as good (off course I should have gone there in the middle of Nov, but that is a totally different issue).
Here are two snaps that I took.
a) b)
18th Oct: Will the Law of Averages ever catch up?
Last 5-6 months have been a nightmare. Never has laughter lasted more than a few seconds before which the cast of the surrounding gloom over taken the charge. Each month starts with the hope that things might turn out well, but alas they just get worse… and the downturn continues unabated. Which brings the obvious question, is light at the end of this tunnel? Is there a silver lining to this monstrous cloud of melancholy?
I just hope that some day, I will look back and read this web log, and wonder how things went so bad…
08th Oct: One of my close friends has been scanning this page for updates every next day!!! I must oblige him; it would be very unfair on my part if I didn’t do this now ;). I read this quote on the www.timeofindia.com, and it just struck me …
“The evils of mankind are caused, by the individual’s self-transcending identification
with groups whose common denominator is low intelligence and high emotionality”— Arthur Koestler
I am not sure about the “low intelligence” and the group theory, but the high emotionality is certainly an issue. Whole of my life I have run to problems, being over emotional. Sometimes not everybody is as passionate about a thing as I am (ever one has a right to choose!). Not everybody thinks the way I think, (that is why they are “them” instead of being my mirror images). While I am quite aware of this short coming of mine, I just can’t help it. :(( … I get attached to things, places and people… (Come on I should not get attached to people, they don’t always feel the way I do, for them, of them. I just end up hurting my feelings, feeling blue) you know what I mean, at least some of you do!
So aim one à Don’t get Sentimental … not on people you have no control over...
??th Sept: There is this hindi song, from the movie "Chalte Chalte", if you don't know Hindi, then my friend
you just missed on one of the better songs known to humanity.
Chalte Chalte Mere Ye Geet Yaad Rakhna
Kabhi Alwida Na Kehna
Rote Hanste Bas Yoon Hi Tum Gungunate Rehna
Kabhi Alwida Na Kehna
Pyar Karte Karte.. Hum Tum Kahin Kho Jaayenge
In Hi Baharon Ke.. Aanchal Mein Thak Ke So Jaayenge
Sapnon Ko Phir Bhi Tum Yoon Hi Sajaate Rehna
Kabhi Alwida Na Kehna...
Beech Raah Mein Dilbar.. Bichhad Jayen Kahin Hum Agar
Aur Sooni Si Lage Tumhe.. Jeevan Ki Yeh Dagar
Hum Laut Aayenge, Tum Yoon Hi Bulate Rehna
Kabhi Alwida Na Kehna...
This is as I am today...
4th Aug: So let me do a complete volte-face from yesterday.. Ever wonder why the movies always end on a good note. The protagonist wins the competition, or gets his/her beloved or makes big in life.. This isn't real life... Correct?? No Wrong!! Well you see, when you are seeing that life of full of misery and hardship that is only partly correct, because the good part is yet to come and the whole story is not over till that good part comes.. So some one can not just tell you half the story... The story line must be complete... and the fact is that more often than not, there is a nice end to all stories...
3rd Aug: Life is too full of disappointments and misery and as such we really don't have any thing to be happy about. People lie, betray, kill and eventually die... Delight, like the twinkle of a star is evanescent, before you know it is gone, leaving behind clouds of melancholy ... Perhaps the only way out of this world, this vicious whirlpool is, as the hindu religion puts it, "Moksha" (freedom from cycle of rebirth on this planet of mortals). Till then we have to toil in the dirty and pay for our sins.
21st July: Sign on a Pharmacy Shop in Eagle,Colorado: "When you see Temptation, turn Right". How appropriate for a small town, which made to the global map, thanks to Kobe Bryant. Sad, Kobe never got to read it ... But now that you have, keep it with you for ever.
13th June: Good Comes Back: Some times the good we do comes back in a truly unexpected way. Now look at this, over the last two years I have tried my best to maintain good and continual relation with my friends and faculty members. This includes writing them emails on a special occasions, keeping them updated with what I had been doing or asking them what they had been up to? Some times, I never got back a reply, (let this not deter you, unless the other guy is hell bent on ignoring you, then there is hardly anything you can do), but I persisted. This is what I believe: “If tomorrow I am gone, will it affect any one? Will there be ANYONE, who would miss me? Will there be somebody who would recall a good deed I once did?” If the answer to any one of these is No, then I better rethink the way I live!! Wait, this is not we were talking about; back to the Good Comes Back…
So, this is what happened today, three of the very senior people I know out here, and one old friend tried to help me! Yes, despite the fact that they are hundreds of miles away, or in 3 cases thousands of miles away, they knew that I was in trouble and they tried to do what they could best do. That I think shows the real strength of the fabric of society we live in. They were not my parents, who I was related by blood, but Friends/Professors, who went out of their usual routine just to help me. Now even if things don’t work out and their help doesn’t fructify, I would, despite all my shortcomings, be happy with the fact that there are people, who have faith in me, who trust me and are willing to back me up.
13th June: If you are betrayed once, think twice before you put your trust in the same place again. Life is a mixed bag, sometimes you can’t get all you want and at these moments think of all you have and cheer up.
22nd May: The Truly Global Human Being: As I write this, simultaneously I marvel at the fact that how the human race has cut across all the barriers of race, culture and geographical locations. SARS started in a province in China and the next thing you know, some one half way across the globe in Canada, has it!! But it is not SARS that I want to write about.
Today I experienced what could be called, a truly international exposure. 11:00am I check my yahoo account and find that there is a mail, “Sub: Indian theater performance at Belmont HS”. I thought what the heck, another SPAM. Still like always, I like to read a mail b4 I press the delete key, so I read on. “I would like to invite you to an Indian theater Performance”, what again? No thank you … “performed by Hispanic Students- some are recent immigrants and have just learned English in the last year”. ……pause, what Hispanic (Mexican) students? Are you kidding me? As I read on, I realize that this performance was based on an Indian mythological story. Hispanic students, age 14-18, acting on an Indian story, this must be seen!! So I talk, a friend of mine, in to taking me to the Belmont HS (Downtown LA, which can be pretty scary). We reach there some time 7:45pm and the show begins at 8:00pm. Enter kids dressed up in authentic India attire, Sari, Dhoti, there was a temple, complete with a bell. Cool... Play starts, Indra (The Indian god of rain) enters and along with him the Apsaras (Female Dancers). For the next one hour, I saw the kids refresh all my ken of Hindu mythology, with uncanny veracity. They were gooood, I mean really good. They did the “Namaskar” (Indian Hello) they read the “Sholakas” (religious Verses). Though the play it self was in english, the essence was truly Indian.
Here comes the interesting part, after the play, I was introduced to the brain behind all this: The lady was german by birth and had lived in India for quite some time and now she is in Los Angeles, teaching dances from India. The play though comprising students mostly of Hispanic origin had a japanese student as well as an afro-american. So the whole globe shrinks to this 20ft by 20 ft stage, where a german teacher directs students from Mexican origin, African origin and east asian origin, acting out a story in USA, which happened in India some 3000 thousand years ago ( or probably never happened). So the next time you meet a human, don’t judge him by the color of his skin or the language he speaks, because who knows, he might know more about your country/race than you do!! Pics à
(a) (b)
18th May: Was at the La Brea Tar pit in LA, wonderful place!! Saw some really awesome extinct mammals. But it was a Holocaust museum near the Page Museum that intrigued me. 6 million people were killed, people who not just died, but died a gruesome death. Nothing corrupts like power… pic from the museumà
12th May: Some times when you love people, you have to express it explicitly. Just a small, “I love you” or “I miss you” can make a lot of difference. It’s a short life, if you care about some one, telling him/her that is the least you can do…
Why the BLOG?? Well it is true that for 24-25 year of my life, I never cared to maintain any kind of log, then the obvious Question: Why now? Frankly it is more influenced by an article that appeared in the New York Times on 18th May 2003, but then it is new too late to LearnJ . The New York Times puts is more beautifully: This is for people like me “who draw from their personal experiences — and often the personal experiences of relatives, friends and colleagues — to create a kind of memoir in motion that details breakups and work and family issues with sometimes startling candor.”. So let this be my attempt at Blogging. One thing I promise: Never to use any real names in my logs.