beaconiii

Beacon of Light III

Ok, you decide to tie 3 rocket shaped balloons to your vehicle and drive down the highway just to drive people nuts.

The ultimate reason is "because."

I'm objective; I object to everything.

You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.

If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.

I have always been crazy, but it kept me from going insane.

It's only a game until you lose.

If God had intended man to watch TV, he would have given him rabbit ears.

If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?

Everything is unimportant in some way.

Life is a terminal disease.

The world's so terrible that one can only make fun of it.

Yeah, there's a lot of stress here, but I'm not straining.

Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Enjoy the following:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

Oh if this was only true

As far as stupid questions go...

1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?

2. If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?

3. Why can't woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed?

4. why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say” I, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"?

5. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

6. Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

7. Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries have a use by date?

8. Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat

9. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say” I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

10. What do people in China call their good plates?

11. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

12. Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto remains on four? They're both dogs.

13. What do you call male ballerinas?

14. If Wile E coyote has enough money to by all that Acme crap why doesn't he buy his dinner?

15. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

16. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?

17. If a man is walking in a forest and no woman is there to hear him is he still wrong?

18. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are billions of stars in the universe, you believe them? But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

19. Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?

See Anyone can be Happy