blackhat,greenjacket

Black hat, green jacket

She sat on the bus, one collar on her jacket up, the other turned down, her black meshback pulled down as far over her face as it would go. Facing front, head down, hiding her treacherous eyes, eyes that let the silent tears that escape like prisoners in the night of her despair, exploring new ways to creep slowly, achingly, painfully across the expanse of her cheeks, inevitably taking the mascara and the soft makeup she had painstakingly applied hours previous as a souvenir of their escape.

Past crying, although never audible, merely numb inside now. Waiting for salvation, for someone to ask if everything was alright, knowing someone like that existed, someone who would recognise a wounded soul, clinging to hope that stranger would board this bus, but numb now, aware that the bus had been looping through its route for some hours now, and the end of the night was nigh with no other way to reach home. numb disappointment at the nonexistence of a saviour. knowing days hence promised no more. A strange noise boarding, discordant from the strangers’ harmony that has existed until now. Dare not risk a small glance. Regardless, seeing strange skin, risk glance. gaijin. Outsider, one who doesn’t belong. Thoughts of irony, of applicability of label to self. Slow numbness and fatigue surrounding. Curiosity rising, overriding numbness. A lingering look, retreating to shell. Hot feel of eyes. Looking up, at gaijin once more.

Eyes locked.

Feelings unfelt, arising. Revulsion, desire, despair, hope, weakness, need, a conflicting torrent of emotion washing around, eyes still locked, pale green eyes to black. Unspoken acknowledgment, undesired pity offered, spurned, but eyes still locked. Stranger’s face, stranger’s eyes. Stranger than the average stranger, but somehow more intimate than a lover. Movement, towards…? Fear of strange stranger overriding need and desire to be wrapped in strong arms to hold against the internal storm and to protect against the outside torrent of pain. Retreat into safety, into numbness, breaking contact, returning to the careful stasis of before, mere seconds elapsed.

She was once more looking nowhere, head bowed, jacket’s collar a flimsy barrier to the attention of the world. The jacket would be discarded the moment it no longer needed to serve as a barrier, the heat of the night opressive enough. She heard the gaijin get up and push the button to stop the bus.

“Du bist schön.” whispered the stranger as he passed, walking into the black night, lost forever, the meaning of those strange unknown words lost forever. Words uttered softly and kindly, but whipping her head up in their wake regardless.

Her eyes betrayed her once more, understanding.