Novelist

Fictional memoir | Buy now on Amazon

Sweet Holy Motherfucking Everloving Delusional Bastard

by Jerome Segundo

Adrift, inexperienced, loveless, and unemployed, recent college grad Jerome Segundo remedies all these deficiencies simultaneously upon landing a job and striking up a romance with a coworker. His consort, slightly older chronologically but years more sophisticated and experienced, exposes him to the delights of cuisine, culture, and coitus (occasionally in tandem). Their relationship blossoms and his world opens up—until a criminal charge brings it crashing down.

Praise for Sweet Holy Motherfucking Everloving Delusional Bastard

  • "... one of the liveliest, most entertaining stories I've read in years."
  • "This memoir, with its hard-to-remember but impossible-to-forget title, will win you over."
  • "... this is a good book, a funny book and—in fact—an important book."

~Read It and Reap blog


  • "The author’s use of language and wordplay, along with the illustration of the relationship between the three male leads, is both amusing and intellectually insightful."
  • "In summary, you can’t judge a book by its title. Segundo has delivered entertainment and also a strong sociological point ... ."

~The Tattered Thread blog


  • "... the saddest funny memoir I have ever read in my life."

~Seattle Book Mama blog



Sweet Holy Motherfucking Everloving Delusional Bastard

Available now in paperback and e-book formats.

Diet book | Coming soon!

The Do or Diet

by Jerome Segundo

Here's the dirty little secret Craig and Atkins won't tell you: Most diets fail miserably. More than 90% of dieters gain back all the weight they lost—and then some! Clearly, a fresh approach is needed. Enter The Do or Diet, a revolutionary new weight loss program that employs the ultimate dietary motivator: bodily harm.

Use this step-by-step, illustrated guide to easily add coercion, threats, and violence to your diet plan, and watch the pounds melt away!

Advance praise for The Do or Diet

"I've devoured more diet books than I can remember, but The Do or Diet is different. It's the plan you stick with—or else!"

~ Samantha Strickmeyer, lost 40 pounds in 40 days

"Nothing motivates like a loaded Smith & Wesson!"

~ Keith Declan, injured in a dieting "incident"