So, onto "About Me", then:
Name: I've got one
Age: Very slowly
Height: Slightly taller than my hair
Weight: About 25 minutes
Eyes: 2
Hair Colour: Scalp
Star Sign: Aquarius, but I may change it.
Born in Chesterfield in Derybshire when I was very young, grew up (well not entirely, in fact hardly at all) in Blackpool in Lancashire and now live in Poulton-le-Fylde, strangely also in Lancashire and very near Blackpool. Anybody would think that I like it around Blackpool.
I'm an electronics engineer, write software, I play guitar and compose music. Sometimes simultaneously.
I have very carefully crafted my humour over many years, although you may find it hard to believe it took this long to hone drivel of this calibre.
I play in a local rock covers band, Molly's Chamber:
http://www.mollyschamber.org.uk
I'm on Instagram & Twitter: @JohnnyD_cm
If you're at all interested, I'm into writing software: http://libertybasic.com
Bessler's Perpetual Motion Wheel: http://www.besslerwheel.com
Free energy: http://www.freeenergynews.com
I listen to Radio Caroline: http://www.radiocaroline.co.uk
and sometimes The Arrow: http://www.thearrow.co.uk
And one of my absolute favourites: http://icanhascheezburger.com
And another favourite: http://www.simonscat.com
so have a look at these too if you feel so inclined. And you'd better be very inclined.
Some Book History....
The history behind the book is nothing major, but I'll tell you anyway. You may even be interested.
We were throwing banter around at work one day and we got onto the topic of nursery rhymes. Someone mentioned "Lucy Locket Lost her Pocket", which I said was down to bad craftsmanship on behalf of the manufacturer. As I am very into "24", I thought I'd put one in the vain of the other and the first one was born. I enjoyed writing that, so then thought what others I could do. Along came Humpty Dumpty and so on. I never looked back. Cos I'm not an owl, you know and don't have 180 degree neck-turning ability.
Customer testimonials
Here are a few testimonials from some people. Or other:
"This book is a shot in the arm for humour. I was, however, aiming for the head" - John Davies
"I laughed and laughed. Until I read this book" - J.D.
"This book was a dream. Thank God I woke up" - Mr. Davies
"This book makes me glad that fires exist" - J. Davies
"I loved every page of this book. As toilet paper" - Mr. D
"I urge you to buy this book. (There, I've said it. Now please put the gun away)" - Davies, J.
"This book makes me realize that I shouldn't have bought this book"
- Davies, John.
"I loved this brillant book. Excellent"
- Anonymous