TABLE OF CONTENTS
The Japanese giving/receiving verbs are unique because (a) you need to use different verbs depending on whether the beneficiary is you/your in-group person(s) or not and (b) they are used not only for the exchanges of items but also for services.
Giving/Receiving Verbs as Helping Verbs
[Giver]は／が [For/To Beneficiary] Te-form + あげます／さしあげます／やります
[Giver]は／が [For/To 私 or my in-group] Te-form + くれます／くださいます
[Beneficiary]は [Giver]に Te-form + もらいます／いただきます
These are used only when the performed action is for the sake of someone other than the performer himself/herself. It is especially important to use them when someone does something for you because the sentence sounds completely ungrammatical and unnatural without them in Japanese.
The difficult parts of these grammar constructions are (1) the use of あげます & くれます, (2) connotations of くれます & もらいます and (3) choosing the right particles for the beneficiaries.
(1) The Use of あげます & くれます
As we discussed in Lesson 15, whenever you or your in-group person is the beneficiary of someone's action, you always need to use either "someone が／は for/to 私(の in-group) ～てくれました" or "私（のin-group)は someoneに ～てもらいました." Do not use ～てくれました when you are describe the exchange between two people who are in the same group.
ex. 母が（私に／私のために）セーターをあんでくれました。(My mother knitted a sweater for me.)
兄が（私に）車をかしてくれました。(My brother lent me a car.)
山田さんが私に新しい漢字を教えてくれました。(Mr. Yamada taught me new kanji.)
✖ 父が母に朝ご飯を作ってくれました。(UNGRAMMATICAL)
The above sentence sounds like you are treating only your mother as your in-group person. Because both the father and mother are your family members (unless they are separated, you live only with your mother, and you feel closer to your mother than father), the exchange between them should be treated as a neutral action to you. So use ～てあげます instead of ～てくれます in such a situation.
(2) Connotations of くれます & もらいます
The difference between ～てもらいます and ～てくれます, is, because of the fact that ～もらいます takes the recipient of the service as the subject, ～てもらいます often has the connotation that the recipient asks for it and can be translated as "(I) got (the person) to do (something)" (although you can usually just translate the sentence as "(the person) did (something) for me").
Compare the following examples:
ex.1 たけしさんに日本語のしゅくだいを手つだってもらいました。(You probably asked Takeshi to help you with your homework./"I got Takeshi to help me with my Japanese homework." "Takeshi helped me with my homework.")
たけしさんが日本語のしゅくだいを手つだってくれました。(Takeshi possibly saw you struggling with your homework and voluntarily offered help./"Takeshi helped me with my Japanese homework.")
ex.2 私は友だちにご飯をおごってもらいました。(You might have asked your friend to treat you to a meal.)
友だちが（私に）ご飯をおごってくれました。(The friend treated you to a meal, possibly without you asking for it.)
Remember that while it is mandatory for you to use ～てもらいます／くれます when someone does something for you, it is not always necessary to use ～てあげます when you are doing something for others. It is O.K. to use it when you are not talking directly to that person, and if it is about someone close to you (family, close friends, etc.), but if you say ～てあげましょうか, it sounds like you are deliberately making the beneficiary person to feel indebted for the person's action, and it does not sound like what you are doing is out of good faith.
It is OK to say:
おとうとをえきまでつれて行ってあげました (I gave my brother a ride to the station.)
かしてあげようか? (Shall I lend it to you?/Do you want me to lend it to you? - to someone very close)
It is NOT OK to say:
にもつを持ってあげましょうか。
先生の仕事を手つだってあげました。
(3) Choosing the right particles for the beneficiaries
There are a few options of particles to mark the beneficiary of the action in these constructions. Because they depend on the nature of the verb, you need to categorize and memorize the verbs. Here are a few examples:
私は友だちにはなを買ってあげました。("人に物をverb" (ex. teach something to someone): かす、作る、読む、買う、売る、見せる、おごる、おしえる、あんないする、せつめいする、etc.)
私は友だちのしゅくだいを手つだってあげました。("人の物をverb" (ex. carry someone's luggage): 手つだう、あらう、持つ、すてる、さがす、etc.)
私は友だちをえきに連れて行ってあげました。("人をverb" (ex. take someone somewhere): むかえに行く・来る、連れて行く・来る・帰る、さそう、まつ、起こす、etc.)
私は友だちのためにご飯を作ってあげました。("人のためにverb" (ex. make a reservation for (sake of) someone): ごみを出す、よやくする、あつめる、etc. )
Note that there are some verbs that have more than one way to describe the action. Therefore, not all verbs can be categorized as one of them. Also, some of these can be a bit difficult for you to understand because of the differences of wording between English and Japanese. You will just need to memorize the particles with particular verbs in many cases.
Variations of Making Requests
ex. [To your colleague] すみませんが、ちょっと手つだってくれませんか。(Excuse me; would you give me a hand?)
[To your teacher] 先生、この単語のいみを教えていただけませんか。(Sensei, could you please tell me the meaning of this word?)
[To your close friend] ごめん、ちょっとペンかしてくれない？(Sorry, would you lend me a pen?)
When you speak in Japanese, you need to consider the formality of the speech. Use (1) Casual Speech when you are talking to your family, close friends (who are about your age or younger) or children, (2) Semi-formal Speech when you are talking to store clerks, waiters/waitresses, strangers on the street, or acquaintances/colleagues of your age or slightly younger, and (3) Formal Speech when you are meeting someone superior than you and/or in formal situations.
As you learned in the ～てくれる・もらう・あげる grammar above, ～てもらう has the connotation that you get the person to do something for you. It is changed to the potential form ～てもらえませんか (= could I get you to do...?) when used in the request form; therefore, it sounds more polite/less direct than ～てくれませんか (= would you do ...?) The 6 expressions above can be listed as follows in the order of politeness:
～ていただけませんか (most formal/most polite)
～てくださいませんか
～てもらえませんか
～てくれませんか
～てもらえない？
～てくれない？(most casual/least polite)
At this point, make sure to memorize at least three of the expressions that are in bold. It is important for you to know how to be very polite, so ～ていただけませんか is more commonly used than ～てくださいませんか in many situations. You can use ～てくださいませんか in situations where the person you are making a request to is most likely to say yes. In casual and semi-polite speeches, you do not have to worry about the differences between the two variations that much; however, if you are asking a rather big favor, you might want to use もらえませんか／もらえない？ instead of くれませんか／くれない？Make sure to start with すみません／ごめん when you ask someone a favor.
In order to express your hope for present/future conditions, use:
[Non-past affirmative/negative short form] といいですね／いいんですが
～といいですね literally means "it will be good if ...." It is used when you are hoping something good for someone else or for both you and someone else.
ex. 明日雨がふらないといいですね。(I hope it won't rain tomorrow/it'll be good if it doesn't rain tomorrow - you are trying to share the same feeling with someone else.)
今日のパーティーにたけしくんが来てくれるといいですね。(I hope Takeshi will come to today's party/it'll be good if Takeshi comes to today's party - you and your friends are hoping that Takeshi will come.)
Remember that you cannot use the past tense with this. Instead, you can use the ～ている form to express your hope for the current situation as a resulting state.
ex. メアリーさんが（もう）京都に着いているといいですね。 (I hope Mary has arrived in Kyoto (by now).)
つよしくんがしあいにかっているといいですね。 (I hope Tsuyoshi is winning/has won the game.)
～といいんですが, on the other hand, is used to express your hope for your own sake. It literally means "it will/would be good if ..., but...," which indicates that your worry about the possibility that it might not happen. Therefore, this should not be used when you are not worried about the outcome. If you are writing an essay on your dream, for example, you should be using ～になりたいです (I want to become...) rather than ～になれるといいんですが (I'm hoping to become ... but I'm not sure if I can).
Also remember that when you are the subject of the sentence in this construction, you cannot say "I hope I will do....（～するといいんですが)" as this construction describes the conditions/states that you do not have control over. You need to use the potential form instead as in the following examples:
ex. しょうがく金がもらえるといいんですが。 (I hope I will (can) get the scholarship.)
テニス部の部長になれるといいんですが。(I hope I will (can) get to become the captain of the tennis team.)
When you use the negative form, you will use the regular ない form instead:
ex. 山田さんが電車に乗りおくれないといいですね。(I hope Yamada won't miss the train.)
道にまよわないといいんですが。(I hope I won't get lost.)
Additionally, if you are hoping someone will do something that will benefit you in some way, use ～さんが～てくれるといいんですが or ～さんに～てもらえるといいんですが, using the potential form.
ex. 高田さんがてつだってくれるといいんですが／高田さんにてつだってもらえるといいんですが。 (I hope Takada will help me/us.)
Compare the following sentences:
けんくんがパーティーに来てくれるといいですね。 (You and your friends are hoping to see Ken at the party.)
けんくんがパーティーに来られるといいですね。 (You and your friends are hoping that Ken will make it to the party despite his other obligations.)
けんくんがパーティーに来るといいですね。 (You and your friends are hoping that Ken will decide to come to the party, possibly despite his hesitation to come to the party.)
時 indicates the time of someone doing something or something happening. Because 時 itself is a noun, you need to use the same forms as noun modifiers.
ex. 子供の時、東京に住んでいました。 (I lived in Tokyo when I was a child.)
天気がいい時、よく外であそびました。 (I often played outside when the weather was good.)
ひまな時、友だちとテニスをします。 (I play tennis when I have free time.)
As you can see in the above examples, you do not have to worry about tenses when you use nouns/adjectives before 時. However, you need to be careful with them when using a verb before 時:
ex. 日本に行く時、ホストファミリーにおみやげを買います／買いました。 (I will buy/bought souvenirs for my host family when I go/went to Japan (before going to Japan/while you are/were in your country.)
日本に行った時、色々なお寺を見に行きます／行きました。(I will go/went to see various temples when I go/went to Japan (after you have arrived in Japan/while you are/were in Japan.)
The dictionary form is not always used to express the present or future tense. When it is used with 時, the dictionary form indicates that the action has not completed. In the above case, 日本に行く時 indicates that the action of going to Japan has not been done, therefore, the time is before going to Japan, i.e., when you are still in your country, or on the way there.
On the other hand, the た form indicates that the action has completed. Therefore 日本に行った時 means the time when the action of going has completed, i.e., when you are in Japan.
You will understand this concept easier if you associate it with what you learned with the ています form for state of being in Lesson 7. Some verbs express the change in state and need to be in the ています form in order to describe the resulting state:
のどがかわく = to get thirsty
のどがかわいた = you are thirsty ex. のどがかわいた時、よく水を飲みます。(I often drink water when I'm (I've gotten) thirsty.)
おなかがすく = to get hungry
おなかがすいた = you are hungry ex. おなかがすいた時、チョコレートを食べます。(I eat chocolate when I'm hungry.)
けっこんする = to get married ex. けっこんする時、親にあいさつに行きます。 (You go to let your parents know when (before) you get married.)
けっこんした = you got married ex. けっこんした時、ひろうえんを開きます。(You hold a reception party when (after) you get married.)
Also, remember that the ています form of motion verbs (行く・来る・帰る・出かける) functions differently from the rest of the verbs, which describes the result of going/coming. Therefore, "[place]に行っている時／来ている時／帰っている時／出かけている時" are basically about the time when you are at the destination. However the connotation is that you are there temporarily, and you can translate the ～ている時 sentences as "while (one) is...(at the destination).
ex. 友だちの家に行っている時、母がアパートに来ました。 (While I was at my friend's house, my mother came over to my apartment.)
アメリカに帰っている時、友だちと会いました。 (I met with my friends while I was back in the U.S.) - You were temporarily back in the U.S.
Compare:
アメリカに帰った時、友だちと会いました。 (I met with my friends when I returned to the U.S.) - You might be back in the U.S. for good or temporarily. The connotation is you met with friends soon after you returned to the U.S.
There are several variations when you express an apology in Japanese:
～て／なくて すみませんでした (Most polite among these, but used only for what you did/didn't do in the past)
すみません (Used for present or future situations/actions. You can use this when you just did something, too. (ex. おそくなって、すみません when you are apologize on the spot)
ごめんなさい (Used to show your sincerity when you are apologizing to someone close to you; i.e., your family (especially older members) or close friends)
ごめん (Used to apologize to people you have casual relationships with or to children)
ex. きのうのパーティーに行けなくて、すみませんでした。(I am sorry for not being able to come (go) to yesterday's party.)[Polite/Semi-Polite]
お母さんの大切なゆびわをなくしてごめんなさい。(I am sorry for losing your precious ring, mom.)[Semi-Polite]
やくそくわすれてごめん。(I'm sorry for forgetting our arrangement.)[Casual]
Remember that すみません can also mean thank you. Therefore, ～てすみません can be used not just to apologize but also to express gratitude.
ex. いつもお世話になって、すみません。(Thank you for always taking care of me/us/my in-group person.)
こんなにいい物をもらって、すみません。(Thank you for giving me such a nice thing.)