The Headstone
My mother died in June 2006. Earlier, in mid-May 2006, on an afternoon when I was visiting my mother in hospital, my mother told me that she had given in to my brother's demands about her headstone. The headstone at the family plot in the graveyard of St Bees Church was erected by my mother in 1991. Edwin had demanded that this headstone must be removed after she was buried in the grave and replaced by another headstone of his choosing. As my mother told me about what Edwin was demanding she was tearful and unhappy but it was obvious she had already resigned herself to the fact that my brother was determined to have her headstone removed from the grave. He was determined to replace it with another headstone more to his liking. I was also unhappy about Edwin's demand for a change of headstone, since I knew how much the headstone already there meant to my mother. It was a very expensive large headstone. The headstone was entirely her design, and she was especially fond of it. My brother Edwin had taken exception to this headstone which my mother had selected for my youngest brother Stephen's grave after he had been buried there in 1991. Edwin had taken an instant dislike to the headstone. My father died in 1993 and my father's body was laid to rest in the same grave as Stephen's, and the headstone was updated by my mother to include the dates of my father's birth and death. My mother had already had her own name inscribed on the headstone in anticipation of her own death. My mother and my brother Edwin had first argued in the summer of 2005 about this headstone when my brother first announced to her that he intended to replace her headstone after she was dead. My mother had been furious about this and said she would never allow it.
I remember in the summer of 2005 when my mother told me about their argument concerning her headstone. I remember how much my mother was determined that her headstone should not be changed by Edwin. However, it appears that my mother had succumbed to my brother's bullying. By May 2006, she was weakened by terminal illness and on her deathbed in hospital and at this point my brother forced her to submit to his demands for a change of headstone. Her final words to me on this change of headstone were that since Edwin was arranging her funeral she had better agree to what he wanted. She was very upset, and I was upset to see her in this state. As she lay in her hospital bed, she looked quite pathetic when she told me all this. She was worn out.
I was later to ask my brother to leave her headstone at St Bees as my mother had wanted, to which request he responded by exploding at me and threatening me with court action if he didn't get his demand. In early 2007, I became very ill, and I was unable to pursue the matter any further.
My brother went ahead and replaced the headstone in December 2007.
He had mentioned to me that the old headstone had a high re-sale value.
In the summer of 2008, my mother's sister, my Aunt Betty, paid a visit to Lazonby to see her father, my Grandfather. She was accompanied by her grandchildren, Samantha and Thomas, who were over from San Francisco. Betty, Samantha and Thomas all insisted on coming to see me. I was still unwell at this time, but with a considerable effort I cleaned myself up and made myself presentable. We all met at St Bees and went for a day-trip on the "L'al Ratty" at Ravenglass. We returned to St Bees and visited my mother's grave in the Church graveyard, where my Aunt was appalled to discover that my mother's headstone had been replaced. My Aunt was no longer in touch with my brother Edwin at this stage. She told me she had had "words" over the phone with my brother (i.e. some sort of falling-out) as early as January 2007, when she had raised the subject of my mother's jewelery collection with my brother. At some date after that conversation, my Aunt said that my brother began to simply put the phone down whenever she attempted to get in touch with him.
My mother's original headstone for the grave in St Bees had been replaced by my brother in December 2007 using the firm 'Clive Hasley' of New Town in Whitehaven. The name of this firm was discovered for me by a local undertaker who examined the new headstone at my request. This new cheaper headstone chosen by my brother is frankly hideous and upsetting. I wrote to Mr Hasley a number of times but he did not respond. I have since contacted Clive Hasley by phone to ask him what the re-sale value of the old headstone was (it would be more than the cost of the new stone). To my amazement, Mr Halsey denied that the two headstones are different. He said the new stone is the same stone as the old one, but he refused to say anything more and told me to take the matter up with my brother. His manner when I questioned him was both evasive and defensive, as if he had something to hide. Mr Hasley's claim that the two stones are the same is unbelievable, since the new stone is quite different in dimension (for example, it is half as thick, and it is a different height and width) and it is of a different type of stone. Its colour is entirely different. The new stone is black, whereas the old stone was grey-blue. Because Mr Hasley refuses to talk to me about this, I have been unable to find out what my brother did with my mother's original headstone. The original headstone was more valuable than the new headstone chosen by Edwin, and presumably there has been a profit made on the switch of headstones.