"I don't remember if I remember when Richard (you call him Mr. Ferreria) was born. I might have been out of the country for reasons that I don't want to get into. I do remember that I come up to Chicago one day and his mom had this new baby with slightly crossed eyes. 'Darn it,' I says to myself, ' isn't that the most peculiar thing I'd ever seen!' (which is saying a lot when you've been through the kind of things I've been through. Why, I'm lucky that I have even one of my arms left. I knew I shouldn't have taken that job wrestling grizzly bears.) It was the seventies then and people were just starting to get into that disco stuff (which I never did care for) and I thought, 'Thank the Lord that this child don't have to remember these ridiculous bellbottom pants!'
"Well the day came when the family all moved out to sunny California because we didn't like the cold Chicago winters all that much. I think he musta been about two years old then. His family settled down in the town of Sunland, just outside of the Los Angeles proper. It was there that he first demonstrated his acumen for mathematics when he calculated the speed that was necessary for a vehicle traveling down Foothill Boulevard to miss all them red lights. Why, he even made a graph of it and everything!
"It was then that we noticed that he had another interest: he like to make all manner of loud noises. It started when he was 8 years old and his mom had him take piano lessons. No, that wasn't loud enough for him. He switched to a drum set that his daddy bought for him when he was 11. That was plenty loud enough for me, but no he wanted louder. He went to MOUNT GLEASON JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL, learned how to play the slide trombone and played in the school band. One year in high school, he even went on a jazz tour of Europe with that silly horn. Can you believe that it wasn't loud enough yet? Finally, he and his brother formed a Rock band modeled after the 80's new wave music of England in which he played the drums. That was loud enough, I guess. For the next 15 years or so he was always playing loud music!
"His mommy was so proud on the day he graduated from VAN NUYS HIGH SCHOOL (with high honors) got into UCLA. Freshman year Richard played in the Marching band and worked his through different UCLA jobs like the libraries, the catering services and the computer labs . . . once in a while he went to his classes! He did really well there, even graduated with some fancy pants LATIN HONORS with a BS in MATHEMATICS.
"I personally think he was a bit divided. You see by then he was playing in some Ska outfit called "MEALTICKET." They spent all sorts of time on tour and making records. Heck, he traveled all across this country 5 times in a beat up old 1982 Dodge van that they called "the Fart Ass" on account of its foul smell. I hear it broke down in all sorts of places like East Moline, Illinois; Amarillo, Texas; and South Platt, Nebraska. He told me it broke down in New Orleans, but I bet he didn't mind it all that much. Soon he was playing guitar in some rock band called "PUSHOVER" and even playing drums again for "ENID THE DOWL"
"Richard Ferreria (your Mr. Ferreria) finally made me cry tears of joy when he got married to his longtime sweetheart Stephanie in the year 2001. It was the best wedding I have ever seen. They had a nice honeymoon in Italy and took all sorts of pretty pictures.
"He seems to be settling down a bit. How got a job in your school, Taft High School, in 2002 and I hear he even wears a tie sometimes. And to think of all the times I saw him way back when he couldn't see over the lip of a toilet bowl.
-Robert "Bob" Bokanon
Royal Order of the Water Buffalo Post #426